Ending because of a wet wipe

[WetWipes101]

Been together 16 yrs, 3 kids all under the age of 10. Today I complained the toys were in a mess because my DP just throws them back anywhere. He picked up the wet wipes packet in a temper and launched it at me, which hit me on the arm.
Last week, he pushed his forehead into mine and pushed me. A couple of months ago, he smacked my arm away in a temper. This behaviour has only started happening in the last few months, he’s never laid a hand on me over the years we have been together.
I’ve decided it’s over, unfortunately I’m stuck for two weeks as we are self isolating. My son is disabled and had important treatment today, which was extremely stressful.
Just looking for support through the next couple of weeks. Not sure how I’m going to get through it. I’m so angry right now

[Floralnomad]

OP does your mum or another family member have room for you and the children to do your isolating , if so I’d leave now and have any conversations from a safe distance .

[EKGEMS]

Flamedtoacridp Did you miss the parts where her partner has assaulted her? Stop minimizing domestic violence.

[NoMoreDickheads]

People often think punching is Official violence and find it hard to quite admit it's 'real' DV until that's happening, but violence is violence whatever it's form and he's being violent.

[LittleWing80]

OP, it looks like Woman Aid have a live chat / email section if you can’t ring because you are in the same place as him.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

[NoMoreDickheads]

This is abuse in every way, including physical. Ignore the posters who are for some reason trivializing or ignoring some of what he did.

He's not only thrown something at you, he's slapped you and nutted you, and is squaring up to you physically.

He's also emotional and psychologically abusive.

Please male plans to leave, and leave as soon as you can.

[Gutterton]

Blocking you and exits with his body is called intimidation and falls under physical domestic violence on this link. He doesn’t need to punch you (just yet) because he can wield his physical power over you. His behaviour is like a very tight spring and he looks like he is ready to snap at anytime. You should consider yourself in a dangerous situation and need to look at seeking support in RL immediately.

www.marshall.edu/wcenter/domestic-violence/what-is-relationship-violence/

[GracieLane]

The final straw is usually something smaller than what came before it IME. It's when you realise that even the tiny mundane insignificant crap is an excuse for abuse, that your brain just suddenly snaps and you think "fuck this. I'm done"

I knew I was done after an argument about snack food in one relationship, and an argument about housework with another. It took me a while to leave in both situations, and by the time I did their behaviour had become dangerously violent. It's like they knew something had snapped in me, that they had lost me and switched into full blown abuser, no need for subtlety anymore.

[Babysharkdoodoodood]

You're allowed to leave isolation where there's domestic abuse

[madcatladyforever]

I am absolutely in favour of people walking away from abusive relationships, but yours doesn't sound like one to me. It just sounds like you both need to communicate and try harder, and cut each other a bit of slack.

Really? My first husband started like this after 5 years of marriage and a year later I'd been dragged round a car park by my hair, thrown down a flight of stairs and in A&E.
How dare you tell the OP what violence is or isn't.

[kazzer2867]

@FlamedToACrisp

Last week, he pushed his forehead into mine and pushed me. A
couple of months ago, he smacked my arm away in a temper.

Did you actually read what the OP said. His abuse is escalating, but you appear to be laying the blame equally at her feet too. Sorry, but you are sounding like an abuse apologist. This man is abusive and the OP needs support not blame.

[hellsbellsmelons]

@Winter2020 - joint counselling is never ever recommended with an abuser. Don't do this OP!

He had the cheek to say I have anger issues. He seems to project who he is onto me. I find it really strange
You need to get reading up on abuse. This is what they all do!!! YOU are the abusive one, blah blah blah.
Projection is a huge part of abuse.

[MzHz]

please call Refuge or Woman's Aid? talk to them and see what help there could be for you and your kids - I agree this sudden escalation is extremely concerning and you being trapped in this can't be allowed to continue. Call the police on 101 if he starts to intimidate you, explain to them everything you have told to us and if there is anything they can do, they will do it

[CaraDune]

BTW, have pm-ed MNHQ to ask them to get this out of "trending" (I thought relationships threads were meant to be automatically flagged so they didn't end up there, but this one seems to have slipped through the net) because it seems to be attracting all the domestic violence apologists (who should be bloody well ashamed of themselves).

[MzHz]

@WetWipes101

He had the cheek to say I have anger issues. He seems to project who he is onto me. I find it really strange.
He is constantly putting me down all the time, doesn’t have a positive word to say about anyone or anything. It’s so draining. I find myself sitting in other rooms so I don’t have to be in his draining company. Feels like he’s sucking the good energy out of me.

Sadly those who choose to use violence will do this, make it all your fault, this is a red flag in itself.

Remember this, you don't ever need a reason to end a relationship. If you want to end it you can.

You are choosing to live a life without being worn down to nothing you are choosing not to live with someone who hurts you. That's the best reason there is.

I'm shocked it'd taken 16 years for this behaviour to get to a point that it's now violent. Has he always been tricky? critical? moody? have you spotted any times where you were expecting him to react more positively and he didnt? this was what I noticed with my ex, but only in hindsight.

Keep talking, you're being very brave and you will wobble and worry, but keep focussing on how you and your children will feel when you aren't being hurt and belittled.

[LittleWing80]

Would you like to try to get things back on track

Did you just suggest the victim of domestic violence tries to get things back on track with her abuser?
Maybe it’s her fault, she provoked him, right?Or has someone else suggested she has too high standards of tidying?

A pack of wipes isn’t a big deal? He also headbutted her and punched her arm . Should she just sit and wait until he pushes her down the stairs? He might not but surely with the stress of the stress of 3 young DCs one of which needs more care, it’s better to extract them from a not so potential danger?

[TryingToBeBold]

Personally..
The minute risk of getting covid is far outweighed by him potentially getting even more violent or aggressive.
I'd be leaving now. Self isolating or not.
Or I'd be asking him to leave.

[randomer]

Do you suddenly hate each other? Is this related to lockdown? Is it connected to the stress of raising a disabled child?

[WetWipes101]

Tryingtobebold I have just been in a hospital where there is COVID. we have been told to self isolate

[Happymum12345]

I know it’s not right at all & violence is never acceptable. If this is new behaviour, then I think you owe it to yourself to question why. 16 years together is a long time to get to know someone.

[june2007]

If this is new behaviour then it is a real cause of concern and he needs to get some help. However you do not need to be there, that is on him not you.

[WetWipes101]

Sorry pressed post by accident

He keeps saying sorry for non physical acts. The shouting and calling names. He apologised for being verbally abusive the other day, and when I told him I was sick of the apologies and I wasn’t accepting it, he stormed off in a huff.
He keeps trying to intimidate me with his body without touching me. He’s a big guy and naturally very muscly, and I think it annoys him more that I’m not intimidated by him. He doesn’t have control and it must really rile him up inside. Maybe that is why he constantly puts me down all the time.

[GilbertMarkham]

*not you as a couple, or you, but he ..

[chatterbugmegastar]

Get your ducks in a row, OP. And when you're ready you can leave. How is your son?

[TryingToBeBold]

Why can't you go now?
Has the appointment today put you at such a risk you need to stay at home for 2 weeks?

[GilbertMarkham]

Last week, he pushed his forehead into mine and pushed me.

That's actually worse than the wet wipes thing (to me anyway) though none of them are good, and you're not ending if over him throwing, and hitting you with wet wipes; you're ending it over repeated physical aggression, with direct contact on two occasions and an object on the third.

The only thing I could suggest is something like the every man project where he, not you as a couple of you, but he gets "help" with full responsibility and acknowledgement that it's utterly unacceptable, abusive actually, behaviour .. but I know many people wouldn't hold out much hope for him stoping and never ever behaving like this again.

Even if he did, of course you'd be justified in leaving him (as you could if you wanted to for any reason whatsoever).