How do I manage this stage of the crap journey?

[whatnowitsoverseekingadvice]

Have name changed in case she is on here but long time MNetter (pom bears, naice ham, penis beaker etc). There are many wise MNetters that have given sage counsel in such situations before and I’d be grateful to hear all sorts of views so that I can get some sense of direction now.
It’s the old story of a cheating husband but the twist is that our teens found the messages, did their own investigations and told me (with the screenshots) over the weekend. They are upset and angry, more on my behalf than their own. My heart is breaking for them, I would never have wanted them to know that about their Dad, but there isn’t much I can do about that now. They had him on a pedestal and it’s hit them hard that he has feet of clay.
For my part, I wasn’t surprised. I had suspected as much, things hadn’t been good between us for a long time. It has been difficult living under the same roof for the last while but for the sake of stability and financial security for the kids I got on with things. He has been emotionally and financially abusive to some extent but not so much that I couldn’t live with it.
When I found out I asked him to stay away for the night (with the agreement of the kids) and then met him away from the house and the kids the following day to discuss what would happen next. He professed that the kids were the number 1 priority, that we should try to maintain things as normal for them as possible, that we needed time to figure out what our next steps were. He agreed that he needed to apologise to the kids but needed prompting from me to realise that he needed to apologise to me too! He didn’t want me to tell them that our marriage was over, thought it would be too much for them right then but I insisted we had to. He had some idea that we could all live together under one roof (him in the spare room) for ten years until the kids finished uni! I was suitably scornful of that but agreed to give some time to consider our living arrangement options.
We came home, he apologised to the kids, told them he had done a stupid thing and reassured them that nothing was their fault (!). I told them that our marriage was over and that we were going to figure out how that would all work. They went off to their rooms and he turned on the tv, asking what was for dinner. Over dinner he chatted and joked with the kids as if he’d just been away on a work trip. I told him that night that him staying in the house wasn’t going to work if he was going to act as though he had done nothing to be ashamed of but he was exactly the same all the following day.
The kids can’t believe I let him stay in the house but deep down I know that they just want him to be punished somehow and then for everything to go back to normal somehow. They aren’t really up for the upheaval of selling the house, two different homes, reduced standard of living, etc. It’s five years before they are all finished secondary school. They want their relationship with him to go back to normal but are deeply uncomfortable for my sake with him acting as if all is well.
Any thoughts on how we manage this situation of living under one roof for a few months while we work out more sustainable long term living arrangements? I can’t really handle the atmosphere and the kids witnessing that there are no repercussions for him for having had a year-long affair – I need to change something but don’t know what….
Also I can’t decide whether I want people to know that he’s had an affair or not? I do feel like I want people to know that’s why our marriage ended but in the long-run will I just feel humiliated that people know that? Has anyone who has been through this any perspective on that?

[Needhelp101]

OP, I really feel for you.

I URGE you to go to chumplady.com and order her book "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life". It will lay bare all the absolute bullshit that he's coming out with at the moment. It's absolutely textbook. You can get it on Amazon and Audible.

[Needhelp101]

Sorry, the humiliation thing just reminded me of something that my ex-husband said after I discovered his 18 month affair with someone I thought was a close friend and it became common knowledge.

"But why would you feel humiliated?"

I can laugh about it now :) These people have no emotional maturity, no empathy, no self-awareness.

You'll get through this, I promise.

[madcatladyforever]

of course he's happy - he has got it all off his chest, the kids know, you know, he has lost the crushing guilt of having a hidden affair, he can now do exactly as he wants i.e sleep with OW and still stay at home, he doesn't have to hide.
If he had been at my house acting like that over a meal I would have gone upstairs and tipped every last one of his belongings out of the top floor windows and there would have been a row like the end of the world.
There is no way that smug twat wouldd have been sitting at my table acting as though nothing had happened.
The children are about to be very disappoibnted in him when their circumstances are greatly reduced. I hope he isn't expecting to play happy families with him the children and the OW.
My blood boils for you.

[madcatladyforever]

He would have got shit pie for dinner too.