Would you have allowed him to get away with this?

[LOVELYDOVEY05]

You have a daughter then some 10 years later a son. One day you discover their father has been abusing your daughter. You decide to keep it all under the carpet as basically the damage has been done and you do not want to split the family. (This is what she told me as the reason)
The son goes on to have a fantastic life with good career and stable
marriage/offspring. The daughter does reasonably well career wise
but spends years in therapy .
I am guessing the mother also had a great home and lifestyle or at least a break up would have not been good financially

[booboo24]

I didn't want my comment to come across as if I was passing it off, I just meant it was hushed up a lot more then. My mum is haunted by the fact that a girl she went to school with told everyone she had to sleep with her dad, mum said they were all young and didn't understand what she was saying, not really. They went to a catholic school, late 1940's. Mum talks about her often, she said she was always quiet, always crying, dirty clothes etc and she used to get bullied. It still upsets mum now to think that was going on and noone did anything. The girls she told were all too young to know what she meant, but the teachers etc must have picked up on it.

It's horrific that they aren't believed today or years ago, I can't imagine for one moment dismissing anyone who said this had happened to them, its heartbreaking

[booboo24]

@moonlight1705 We cross posted there, I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. That's a huge step coming forward to talk about it, you shouldn't have to name change, and I hope you get the love and support you need and deserve going forward

[Bl3ss3dm0m]

Some of you say that it happened more "back then, that it was swept under the carpet". I do not believe for one second that most mums would have not left their husband. I had my first child in 1980, if that had happened my husband would have been in prison. My mum was born in 1922, I know that she would not have turned a 'blind eye', if it wasn't for wanting to be there for her children, my mum would have killed him.

[NoMoreDickheads]

Of course not.

The mum is abusive there too if she didn't do anything or didn't believe her daughter.

[Yeahnahmum]

This is 50 shades of wrong op

[TorkTorkBam]

There's usually other shit going on alongside. The women are often codependent types. The men groom the whole family not just the victim.

All over the relationships boards here you see women saying "I would never tolerate him doing X" and then a little probing and you realise he had been doing X-like things for years but they are in denial and he works hard to keep them in that mental space.

Mothers covering up sexual abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse is NOT something from the olden days that never happens any more.

No matter how your mother was groomed to let it happen and no matter what excuses she comes up with, even if you understand why she did it, you do not have to accept her remaining in your life. You can still cut your mum out of your life. I would recommend that you do so.

[NamechangeOnceMore]

Just to add to the chorus of people saying this isn't necessarily a generational thing - this happened in my family in the 1960s. The wife left her husband the day her daughter disclosed the abuse and never went back. They divorced even though it left the wife financially destitute. I respect the relative in question so, so much for what she did, at a time when few women filed for divorce.

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

No, op, I would not be complicit in my child's abuse. I would protect my child.

[Glitterb]

Sad, but probably more common than people realise.

My auntie was abused from being 2 years old by her own Dad (my dad has a different dad to her and was 10 years older) and my Nana was aware of the abuse and turned a blind eye. It wasn’t until my auntie told my parents about the abuse aged 5 that it came to light and wet the bed until she was 15. Unfortunately she has spent her whole life suffering as a result, and for a while idolised him. The abuse ripped the family apart and as result (and rightly so) he was never allowed near me as a child. He was never legally punished either.

[IndieRo]

Definately not. My first priority is my children's safety. Anything or anyone that threatened that would be held responsible.

[NamechangeOnceMore]

@deathraystare Do you really think it is in any way appropriate to breach patient confidentiality by posting that?! Do you not think the patient, or people close to her who know the story, would recognise her based on that description? Saying "I saw a case like this at work" is fine. But posting identifying details is disgraceful.

[NoMoreDickheads]

I have never met her and don't know what to think.

@Topdog234 He was convicted and so it is very, very likely he did it. A conviction isn't easy to obtain. To get one it has to be beyond reasonable doubt. So it's actually unreasonable for people to doubt it.

[NoMoreDickheads]

It is decided by the jury based on the evidence.

[GilbertMarkham]

No, I would end the relationship with and go to the police/court with any man who touched my DD inappropriately.

In the past lots of things about our society and power balance would have contributed to women not acting as they should have. (Some still apply today). However it's still no excuse .. and as things changed the mother should have apologised profusely and done what she should have done then - ostracised and reported.

[swaywithme]

I know someone who this happened to. The daughter has done amazingly well, considering and went on to have her own family. The mother is still with him after both kids left home, I think she just stays for the money but it's hard to say. After years of arguments and NC at one point, her and her mother now have a civil relationship for the sake of the grandchildren. The abuse did stop when the mother found out though, if it didn't I'd imagine that would change things.

In answer to your question though, no I would never stay ever. Your children's safety but also the emotional well-being of your children needs to be your only priority in situations like this.

[Stereomum]

My Dm stood by her husband and accused me of making it all up even when she would see it happening with her own eyes. I've have no career because of depression and anxiety, been in and our of therapies for over 20 years. If my daughter said anything about an abuser I would believe her every time.

[theprincessmittens]

My mother told me when I was 21 that she was sexually abused by her brother - the uncle she let both myself and my two brothers spend the most time alone with when we were children....I'm talking about at least one full day at the weekend and two afternoons/evenings a week...for years.

So I have two choices to consider: 1) She's lying to get attention and maintain her victim status 2) She willingly put her 3 children at risk from a sex abuser just so she could get time off from parenting.

Personally, and knowing my mother, I believe number 1 is the truth. Neither paint her in a particularly good light. She also stayed with my father long after she should have divorced him (constant cheat) because she didn't want to give up the money/lifestyle.

[madcatladyforever]

I would rather die than live with a man that abused my daughter.
I would have physically hunted him down and killed him regardless of the consequences for me.
My revenge would know no bounds.
What kind of pathetic woman would allow that to happen to her child and do nothing?

[Merryoldgoat]

I would call the police myself.

My children come before everyone else.

[Starcup]

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! What the he’ll is wrong with people??!

If I found out my child was being abused by anyone I would want blood!!!! I would want them to go to prison and be punished for harming my child.

I would find it even more distressing that it was someone so close and someone that my baby trusted.

I can feel my blood boil right now just reading the OP and to think that ‘creature’ got away with no!!!!!!

[Starcup]

To add- it’s disgusting that any mother would know this and still stay with him shudder

[Kolo]

No, I'd kill him with my bare hands.

[GilbertMarkham]

Aside from everything else; how the fuck does anyone have sex with someone who's touched a child sexually?

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[GilbertMarkham]

I think there is some unbelievable level of denial and disassociation etc. going on with these women, still no excuse though.