Separated from wife during lockdown but hasn't moved out

[Kikidee88]

Im expecting alot of criticism but I have nowhere else to turn. I have known my colleague for 18 months and always felt something there but as we were both married, never acted on it. At the start of this year we began working closer together and discussed our marriages, we were both feeling unhappy skip a few weeks and I left my husband 2 weeks after we first kissed. I knew that regardless of a future with my colleague, this marriage was not right for me. I seen my colleague as fun, and we both said it was just that however 6 weeks ago, we admitted that we had fallen in love with eachother and despite the lockdown, he has separated from his wife. As we are key workers we have continued to work from my home every single day. He said that his wife can't find out about me as it will cause too much hurt and upset. We both have kids that are early teens. I do believe he has split with her, we constantly talk on messages and he has never given me a reason to doubt him I guess, but he still goes home every day once office hours are done (to avoid suspicion he says) it breaks my heart everytime he leaves and he tells me to have some patience and I will see in time he is as serious about me as I am him. I know these situations don't usually work out in the other woman's favour and I don't know how to deal with this, I know we have genuine love but will he really leave the family home and sacrifice this for me? Should I give him an ultimatum? I can't bear life without him. My heart hurts so much for him to be with me

[Pieceofpurplesky]

So your kids are what, 10? 12? And you have involved them in a sordid affair where you are deliberately deceiving another woman? Some role model you are

[YouJustDoYou]

I second pp- I bet your bottom dollar that his wife has a different story to tell. Phone her and ask.

[Kona84]

I don’t understand how in the lockdown where we are not meant to see anyone outside of our household (unless travelling to work in an office/ hospital/ supermarket) you have a colleague coming to your house daily.
So bizarre

[Greenkit]

For god sake give OP a break.

People are allowed to fall out of love with their partner, married or not. And most times it will be an attraction to someone else which makes them decide to leave.

The only thing I would say is start your new life, don't think about the other man, your marriage is over and you have separated.

If the Om decides he also wants to leave his wife because he isn't happy, then he should do so, but not for you.

Once you have been single for a while and if you both feel the same, then date and take things slowly.

It can work

[TorkTorkBam]

I suggest you stop him coming round to your house. End the relationship.

Give yourself time and space to get used to be divorced and independent.

If he decides to leave his wife, let him find himself as a divorced man and then, only then, start dating if you both find it appealing still.

[foreverandalways]

SHAME ON YOU....THIS IS SOMEONES HUSBAND AND SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE BOTH DOING BEHIND HER BACK...YOU SHOULD BE ABSOLUTELY ASHAMED OF YOURSELF

[Ryah1]

Vile.

[RozaDiPoza]

I think you're in lalaland.

[Whatisthisfuckery]

It’s bollocks OP. I’ve found somewhere else to live during lockdown and I didn’t even have to, I just didn’t want to live where I am any more. he’s playing you for a fool. The reason he doesn’t want his wife finding out is because he wants to stay married to her.

[Peggysgettingcrazy]

People are allowed to fall out of love with their partner, married or not. And most times it will be an attraction to someone else which makes them decide to leave.

Of course they are.

Shagging someone else's husband is disgusting behaviour. Kissing someone else's husband is disgusting. Shagging another behind your wife's back is disgusting.

Sneaking out to the OW House everyday whilse she stays home lookign after the kids is disgusting. Having him round everyday, whilst she knows the wife is in the dark, is disgusting.

With the added 'ohh we are breaking lockdown' makes it all feel very goady. As does the faux 'ohh all out colleagues know and think its great!'

[Voice0fReason]

He really can have his cake and eat it!
He has no motivation to change a thing about the current situation.

[YouJustDoYou]

Ok, he's lying to you. He will never leave her. He is feeding you excuses. And they are excuses. "Oh I can't, because...Oh she can't find out, because...." etc etc etc.

You. Are. A. Convenient. Ego. Boost. And. Hole.

[Itsallgonewoowoo]

So many things wrong. Crack on with the desire to believe a cheater but stop mixing households. He should BE WORKING FROM HOME. His, not yours. I haven't seen my mum for 9 weeks and I want to.

[ToastedHaMSandwich]

I can only think this man is your carer OP and that’s how he is allowed to work within your home environment.

Committed partners who don’t live together haven’t seen other. Many haven’t seen parents or family let alone close friends.

Yet you’re working daily with a colleague in your home. Doesn’t make sense

[Doowop20]

From his wife’s point of view, not only is her husband conducting an affair without her knowledge, he is mixing households during lockdown and putting her family at risk (and yours) and she hasn’t got a clue.

[Peggysgettingcrazy]

I can only think this man is your carer OP and that’s how he is allowed to work within your home environment.

Can't be that. Op says his wife doesn't know he is there. I assume the wife thinks he is at the office.

She also says 'our colleagues' are aware. If he was her carer, who would be the people who are carers to both of them? She says they are both working, just together at her home.

He isnt permitted to be in her home. But does anyway. And apparently they don't have a physical relationship. At some point it will impact their jobs

And tbh, a carer conducting an extra martial affair with a service user, in their home, with the kids there is a horrifying prospect.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Should I give him an ultimatum?

If this is true at all, that would be an excellent idea ... he'll run like the wind and then you can start thinking about the way you're behaving