Just that really. We have a good relationship I would say, parent our 3 year DS together well but I just don't think he loves me. I think he needs me and probably likes me but I don't think loves me. Here's a few reasons why I think he might not:
I suffer from migraines quite bad. Not all the time but it's a bit of a pain. He doesn't really sympathise to be honest. He doesn't say "are you ok?", or "don't worry, it will get better". He isn't an arse about it at all but he doesn't show concern.
This morning I was in our bedroom putting clothes away and he was at the top of the stairs putting his socks on and I said did you dust the TV when you dusted, it looks really dusty. I didn't say it in a nagging way or anything. I caught a glimpse of him sat on the stairs and he pulled this face that was full of resentment, that's the only way I can describe it and it broke my heart to be honest, I know that's sad but the facial expression is etched in my mind.
He doesn't really seem to get excited about spending time with me. He played darts tonight over video call with one of his friends after we put our DS to bed and I sat and watched TV. Once he finished, he came into the living room and I was like did you enjoy it? Did you have fun? All smiles and he was like yeah, picked up his book and started reading it then said he was going to bed. I don't really encourage us sitting and chatting but I was making the effort and felt rejected.
I jokingly said the other day that my hair looked like a scarecrow and he laughed and said yeah when your hair has been tied up, you get this kink in your hair that reminds me of a horse? I just sort of laughed it off but it hurt a bit. He's never said anything like that before so it feels a bit like he's noticing my flaws now if that makes sense?
It's my birthday soon and he asked me to send him photos of what I wanted. I kept forgetting and he kept saying send me the photos so it's more like he's made it a duty rather than something nice.
We both work. I'm furloughed and he's on reduced hours and working from home. I do about 70% of the house work and all the cooking so it's not like I'm lazy and a crap wife and he's grown to resent me for it.
We laugh a lot together about our DS, he's a funny kid. Apart from that though, I can't say I can remember when he last asked me how I was or what I'm up to or anything. I do ask him but not all the time.
When we got together 9 years a go (married for 6), he was more into me I think than I was him but that was only at the very start. I love him and care about him deeply. I'm one of those types of partners that leaves him to his own devices, I don't bother him on nights out (he doesn't go out much and obviously not at all lately) he does his football etc and I'm more than fine with that and show a bit of interest but something has made him resent me I think and I don't know what.
It's really that face he pulled that has got me feeling like this at the moment.
Definitely no cheating going on. He hardly ever has his phone on him, his iPad is always left out for our DS to use and me if I need and before lockdown he would go to the football with his dad, take our DS out to meet his dad for lunch and very rarely have a night out with his best friend and always return home around 11pm!
Am I overthinking this? Am I maybe reading too much into a couple of isolated incidents? Any advice would be appreciated thanks
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I don't think my husband loves me
IchangedMyName30 · 16/05/2020 00:44
See how he goes on now you’ve had a good clear chat about it OP. You’ve been really excellent saying clearly what was wrong, why you didn’t like it, etc. His response sounds pretty good in that he accepted it would obviously be off putting for you you having seen this stuff as anybody would be put off. He’s explained why he thinks he’s doing it but I would hope that he doesn’t see it as acceptable behaviour? This is key really.
Only you can judge that now and see whether he modifies it. I would let him be really nice and make it up to you as long as there isn’t a pattern of really nice immediately after being horrible and then falling back to horrible- if there’s a pattern it’s a no no.
Essentially there’s a difference to someone searching for an excuse, secretly knowing their behaviour is abusive or whatever and then not doing anything about it and repeating it as a form of control, and someone realising that something they thought they were doing unobserved has been seen and being genuinely sorry.
You’ve done brilliantly as you’ve been clear and laid out what you expect and you’ve discussed how it’s been off putting for you. It sounds as if a light dawned for him that getting rid of this habit would help the relationship in general which is great.
Also only you will know and if you feel you’re doing too much or being taken for granted- another talk with him about how things can be alleviated for you (especially with the migraine issue) would be good and again you’ll be sticking up for yourself and if you’re asking him to cooperate that’s fair enough!
You said you came off something re the migraines? I found the pill gave me ones...
Hope they stop for you 
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