I didn't used to have any boundaries and my life was the mess that you'd expect.
However, years and years later, after learning it intellectually and also catching up eventually with the emotional lag.. I'm generally happy with where I'm at and feeling like most people respect me as a relative/colleague/friend
On the rare occasion I feel I have to defend a boundary, I do it! BIG CHANGE FROM 10 years ago.
Example, recently, a woman was trying to other me (in a group) 'WE' think this and ''foot of the hill, pfft, she naively thought that''. And I set it straight. Just defending that very small boundary (ie, please don't misrepresent what I believe to a group of other people!) resulted in her anger and a retaliation that was uncomfortable for ME.
I am strong enough to deal with this crap now, but definitely feeling like there's a transition that you go through, when you didn't used to set boundaries and now you do (when you feel you have to) and other people haven't caught up. Other people aren't allowing me to have boundaries.
But i am looking back and realising that even when you're resilient with a good self-esteem, defending a boundary can be SO hard. It's no wonder it took me until about 45 to have the courage to try and enforce a small boundary. And every single time I've done it, it's brought a little shit storm down on me. It upsets me less as I go along but still, I don't want these poopers shitting their storms on me just because I said 'no' that is not what I said. Or no that is not The Truth it is your perception.
Do people look at you and decide that you do not have the inner status to deserve a boundary? They would accept it from your brother or your sister or your aunt but not you? What is going on? Do they have an invisible hierarchy in their heads? ''Pedro is above me and allowed to challenge me. Pepa is beneath me and not allowed to challenge me. If I upset Pedro, I apologise. If pepa dares to suggest that I upset her , then that is a huge insult to my ego''.
I can't believe how some people carry on. Are they not mortified to be so transparently unconscious and emotionally immature.
to everybody trying to transform from a form people pleaser in to a boundary setter. I guess it is not a quick process. I can set a boundary now but I cannot have that right to set a boundary be respected!
I hope that in a few years my inner status will not trigger narcissistic injuries in people who cannot respect somebody else's truth or right to say no.
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Ok, so you can set boundaries now, but they are making things worse! please come here for a chat.
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AtTheFootOfTheHill · 09/05/2020 10:17
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