Struggling with housework and the other half :(

[StepMummaToBe]

Hi all,

I'm a teacher and still doing a fair amount of work each day and my other half is a TA, who has no work at all. I seem to be doing 90% of all housework even though I'm the only one working.

It's really getting to me, I know I doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but it's starting to bother me. We've been together just under a year.

Whenever I mention it he gets defensive. I got up at 7am this morning to do housework before school, and he stayed in bed.

Does anyone have any tips? - positive only please!

X

[something2say]

@hopeclearwater

Thanks. I was a DV advisor for many years and saw this all the time. I genuinely think that women are changing but men are not, because they don't care and don't want to. Why would they suddenly want to start cleaning the toilet? So they don't want to have to bother.

This means more and more women live without men as we've got money now so we don't have to put up and shut up.

A man actually sent me a website debunking feminist myths and attempting to explain to me why men are being done down and one of the things was, women spend more household pounds than men do. Well why is that? We kick lazy workshy sexist men out and then we run our own households.

But the analogy of the shoes that although beautiful are just not comfortable was a favourite of mine. That and the one about not texting back. 'If we are playing tennis and hitting the ball back and forth to one another and I put my racket down and refuse to hit back, no tennis will be played.' On how to stop abusive textsandmhow to look better when they are shown to the police or read out in court.

[Cherrysoup]

Have you sat down and told him? Just stop bloody servicing him! Don’t do a scrap for him.

[HopeClearwater]

@something2say you’re a wise woman

[Gemma2019]

OP won't be back - she will just start a new thread saying exactly the same thing and hoping just one person will tell her what a catch she's dating.

[Cinderella66]

Tell him to ship up or shape out or just LTB. (On my 4th g n t as it's Saturday night).

[billy1966]

ToP TIP

STOP being a mug.

Find some self respect.

Raise your relationship BAR.

Good luck OP.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I got up at 7am this morning to do housework before school, and he stayed in bed

That's insane so I wonder if there are other factors here.

[ConnieDoodle]

Im positive you should dump him and get some counselling. Your self esteem is on the floor to think this utter wanker, lazy partner and shit father who doesn't want to contribute to his kids financially.

Youre displaying such poor judgement here.

How long have you been with this guy?

[LannieDuck]

I know I doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things

Of course it matters. Housework takes a lot of time and energy for little reward. But everyone creates mess, needs to be fed, and needs a clean home, so everyone needs to pull their weight with basic upkeep.

What's his reasoning for why you should do 90% of the housework? Is he the one person in the world who doesn't make a mess or need to eat? Does he think his penis means he doesn't have to? Or is he just a lazy sod who's taking advantage of you?

And I agree with the others - (if you don't have kids) how are the two of you creating so much housework that it needs to be started at 7am?

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

@CanIDigIt

So glad to hear you are done. He sounds like an infuriating wet fish.

[RantyAnty]

Tip is to get rid and
that is very positive for you

you won't be stressed by someone elses laziness and disrespect
you won't have to clean up after an adult.

[userxx]

@CanIDigIt Loud and clear!!

[KatharinaRosalie]

Oh and it really, really matters in the grand scheme. 2 people, no DC - there isn't that much mess and you both have plenty of energy. I saw from your other post he has 2 small DC - they make a LOT of mess and need a lot of attention. When he will have them over, will he magically turn into a perfect housekeeper, or will he just expect you do to it all?

[CanIDigIt]

I have one of these. Well, I did. I've told him I'm done. He won't go though.

Now he makes pitiful attempts - gets the hoover out, pathetically makes loud noises. Slams 109 pots about at dinner time but sleeps the rest of the day on furlough. Hovers next to me when I'm working and concentrating then flounces because 'You're to busy for me"it's. It fair. I demand attention.

NO. The gutter is leaking. The house is damp. I'm working AND taking home school. Make a priority list and stop fucking whinging.

Can you tell I'm done!?

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

"I know I doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things"

Of course it does! It shows you he has absolutely no respect for you and expects you to wait on him like his Mummy.

Do NOT ever have kids with this man. It will only get worse from here.

If you're only renting together that makes life easier. Make plans to leave. Seriously.

[Mistystar99]

Get rid!

[GoatCheeseTart]

I would strongly advise reconsidering plans (if any) to have children with this man.

[KatharinaRosalie]

So when you point out that you work and do 90% of the rest, and he does nothing, what does he say? Stop nagging? I will do it later? Denies this is the case and thinks 10% is more than plenty because..penis?

[PlanDeRaccordement]

I agree have a serious talk and make it plain that he pulls his weight or it’s over. There is no point wasting your time with a man who either is lazy or messy. It will eventually drive you apart, so sooner is better than 10 or 20 years down the road.

Stopping doing housework only works if your threshold for living in a dump is lower than his. It most probably is not. Filth would just pile up undone until you cracked. It also gives him an excuse to not clean as often as necessary because you “were ok” with dishes sitting dirty for days “before”

[volatility]

Are you serious OP? You’re a teacher so you must be intelligent! He’s mugging you off! and you’re letting him. The only positive tip is to pull back the duvet before you go to work and shout “I’m off to work. Sleepy time is over. It’s YOUR turn to do all the housework. I’m not your maid service dude. If it’s not done by the time I get home from WORK then find somewhere else to live” that should sort it.

[Letseatgrandma]

You’re early on in the relationship and he’s showing you who he is. Listen. I’d ask him to leave-you’ll probably have less mess to clear up.

[cantarina]

Stop doing it even if it sets you on edge. Wash your clothes only. Cook dinner for one. Wash up what you use in the kitchen leave everything else. Keep your things neat and tidy, watch everything go to rack and ruin around you, decide is you can continue to live with someone who lives and acts like a pig.

[LovingLola]

Presumably your user name means he has a child or children. Don’t get pregnant. Don’t tie yourself to him in any way, shape or form.

[LovingLola]

You get one life
Don’t waste it on a lazy selfish fucker

[noyoucannotcomein]

Your username - does he have kids?