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Relationships

He keeps lying to me

27 replies

Namechangex10000 · 23/04/2020 18:42

My relationship is fake. It’s a joke. It’s built on lie after lie and I can’t seem to end it. I can’t turn off loving him, even though he clearly has no love or respect for me. I can’t stand to lose time with our DD because of HIS choices, I’ve been a model partner, never done him wrong, I can stand tall and know I’ve always put him and our DC first, and it’s just so so hard to accept that you are never worth enough for them to not do shitty things to you, and to not lie - if you’re lying about something, even if it’s stupid, you’re lying because something in your head tells you it’s not right aren’t you? So if you still go ahead and do it anyway, you don’t care one fucking iota - do you??? I know that my life is just one big worthless fucking lie, and that I mean nothing to the person I am so committed to and it hurts so much.

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FlowerArranger · 27/04/2020 23:47

@Namechangex10000..... You must know that your love for this man is an illusion. You absolutely know that you would feel infinitely better if you left him. What is stopping you? Why can't you love yourself?

Please read Dr Norwood's book. It will help you.

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Waitingforadulthood · 28/04/2020 00:28

It's not easy. But I will say (easy with hindsight) that I LOVE DEEPLY. I fall, I give all of myself, and commit for life , it's who I am.

Except it's not, I got with him young and damaged enough to believe that. He WAS love to me- because I didn't know other kinds. Co dependency mimicked love. He was an artist at treating me badly and then saving me- forgiving me and loving me so intensely post argument that I felt he was my world. When I was shattered he saved me and loved me, That , I know now, was hysterical bonding and designed to keep me.

The issue of love, is that it's flexible. We are taught to love others but not ourselves. When really, the only unconditional love you should ever feel, is for yourself, You are the only person you will spend your whole life with. Every minute of your life, you will be with you.

Partners?- that's seriously conditional! If they are selfish/ mean/ cheaters/ cruel/ liars- leave them. The conditions of love are broken.

With your dc, the conditions are far far harder to break, it is almost unconditional- except for some in expressively evil things. We can all imagine them.

Learning g to live yourself if you weren't taught as a child is hard. But honestly op- you describe adoration or veneration for your dp. Not love