When I look at DH, I think 'God, you're ugly.'

[SerialM]

Since DCs, I think my DH is disgusting.
The way he eats, his smell, the fact that he doesn't change his underwear everyday, I have known him leave the house without brushing his teeth, he never gets his hair cut, he's always on his phone, he can't be arsed with life unless it involves boys days/nights away with friends.

More recently, I can't look at him without thinking he's really ugly. Sex is rare thankfully, but when it does happen, I always feel a bit yuck afterwards.

Is this a post kids thing? Or is this the beginning of the end?

[Echobelly]

Gotta say I have heard that feeling of contempt for your partner is the thing a relationship truly can't survive and sadly it sounds like you've got there.

[BluebellsareBlue]

Are there any redeeming features for him? My DH is overweight with a beer belly, he burps and it makes me want to scream the meal he makes out of them and I'm forever saying yuck and he's a noisy eater, but even after a rough week when he's been an absolute c*nt to me as he's had problems with his work and DM, I looked at his beautiful face and he smiled and I saw his beautiful teeth, I do love the twat x

[SandyY2K]

Well when women remain married to men like this and continue having an intimate relationship, there's no motivation to change. I'd be repulsed.

[Ivakhunt]

My exh was like this. It built up slowly over time until by the end he was barely showering

[GrandTheftWalrus]

My ex was disgusting like that as well. To the point I didnt even want to be in the same room. But then his whole family had questionable hygiene.

DP is like a total mirror image. Always showering, washing etc.

[MarshaBradyo]

The end, or beginning of.., sounds awful

[Fanniesyeraunt]

Was just about to come on and say you have “the Ick”. It’s irreversible I’m afraid.

[squaky]

He sounds revolting in physical hygiene and personality

[Katypyee]

The not changing his undies every day made me sick a little in my mouth.

I have been married 10 years and have 2 kids and my husband changes his underwear every single day! He also brushes his teeth at least twice a day. Okay he doesn't shave everyday but then neither do I.

I would have thought perhaps he was depressed but then you mentioned his family saying he was like this when he was single. Have you spoken to them about it then?

Does he change his undercrackers and brush his teeth when he is out with the boys?

Have you tried talking to him about it? This would be my first step.

[PrincessHoneysuckle]

When it got to the point that I was looking at my exh in distaste I ended it eventually.Be with someone who you find attractive its kinder on him too so he can be with someone who really wants tobe with him.

[Creepster]

He is not pretending any more in order to charm you into signing up to be his live in servant.

[Ishotmrburns]

I don't think this is normal post kids. My DH and I now of course have less time to preen ourselves, and we have both put on a little bit of weight since DC, but we still wash, brush our teeth, change our underwear daily etc. I don't think there's any excuse not to do these things, unless you are really ill or something.

Sounds like he's basically given up. I wouldn't ditch and run, but I would make it clear to him that you aren't happy and that something needs to change in order for your marriage to work. Give him a chance. He probably won't change but I think it's good to give someone the opportunity. If he doesn't then I'd walk away from him. There's no benefit to anyone in you being stuck in an unhappy marriage.

[Rosebel]

It does sound like he's unhygenic but ugly too, that sounds like you don't love him anymore.
I'd try and find out if he was depressed or stressed if it was me but it sounds like it's gone past that. So beginning of the end.

[Reginabambina]

This isn’t a post kids thing. This is a being disgusting thing. The kind thing to do here is to gently tell him that at the very least he needs to be clean.

[TimeForPlentyIn2020]

Yeah, since I’ve had a kid I’ve stopped changing my undercrackers every day.

Said no woman. Ever.

[LonginesPrime]

What you seem to be saying, OP, is that he was like this before he met you, he made more of an effort when you came along and now he's settled in to being himself again.

I wouldn't hold out much hope for him to change - it sounds like this is who he is and looking after his hygiene is too much effort for him to sustain long-term.

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

I was about to post the link to the Ick Thread. It sounds terribly like it. There is really no coming back from it, IMO. Sorry OP.

[SoupDragon]

All this and he's disorganised?

[cousinboneless]

It's the ick. Beginning of the end.

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

How old are your kids OP? I did find my husband really annoying when mine were babies, but I think it was mainly tiredness and jealousy that he didnt have to breastfeed.

I think there are a few things going on here. The lack of self care and personal hygiene would make anyone unattractive and nobody would want to have sex with that. But you've not said unattractive you've said ugly. Which suggests to me that the love has gone. When my babies were newborn and I didnt have time to shower/ wash my hair and lived in pyjamas I'd have understood if my husband had said he didnt find the state I was in, attractive, and he didnt want to have sex with me. But I'd have been devastated if he had described me as 'ugly' because I didnt get my hair cut often enough. That's just shit hair not ugliness. You've said he isn't bothered about anything that isn't lads nights etc so it sounds like his behaviour is affecting how you feel about him

[category12]

What are you with someone you despise for?

[Bluntness100]

What do you mean sex is rare thankfully? You do know you can say no right?

[katseyes7]

This sounds horribly familiar. My (now ex) husband once had a week off work. Didn't wash, bath or shave the entire week. Still tried to have sex with me.
l said "No, l haven't had a bath." (l had, but l was putting him off)
To which he replied "lt doesn't matter, neither have l."
No way in hell would l have let him near me. l'm not a clean freak but that's disgusting.
l got to the point where l couldn't be in the room with him when he was eating. When we got married he was 11 and a half stone. When we split up, he was 15 stone. We went on holiday and he kicked the arse out of the all inclusive buffets. Put a stone and a half on in two weeks. l lost half a stone because l couldn't eat when he was sitting opposite me shovelling food in like his life depended on it.
He's being disrespectful to you. lf l was being kind l'd say he sounds depressed and not confident. But it isn't stopping him doing stuff with his mates, so l reckon not.
Can you face another 20/30/40 years of this? l know l couldn't.

[BrotherMouzone]

@Summatsummit

I was thinking the ick had kicked in again 😂

[NoProblem123]

Onslow 😁😁😁