I have a crush on my friend who I've known for about eight years.
We were close enough to talk about our lives fairly intimately but not close enough for us to message each other. We know each through mutual friends. We all do a hobby together.
I've always thought he was attractive but we were both in relationships when I met him so it was more of a passing observation than an actual attraction.
He's always treated me with a lot of respect and care, borderline flirty but not enough that I felt uncomfortable. The kids would call it 'banter'.
We are both still with our partners. Last year, we were out with the hobby group and had too much to drink and although nothing happened, something seemed to change fundamentally about the way we interacted with each other. Long hugs and looks.
If either of us had pushed it, something might have happened but we were both smart enough or not dumb enough not to cross that line.
The problem is since then I can't get him out of my head.
I have pulled right back when we see each other. I don't share my life with him. I don't giggle and chat with him like we used it.
I've noticed him pulling back too (good!) he avoids me more than he used to and doesn't go out of his way to talk to me. If we happen to be alone together, he will make minimal conversation.
But then when I'm talking to other people , he keeps jumping into the conversation and saying nice things about me. I respond as briefly as possible because I don't understand why he does that.
I took a break from the hobby for family reasons but when I met up with them, it was pretty obvious he'd been talking about me with the others. One of the other blokes was like 'oh yea, Nigel thinks a hell of a lot of you. He really rates you.' Wtf?
I do like that he thinks that way but it's 100% wrong. I know it, I surely wish I didn't feel like this. It's wrong.
He was my friend before all of this so I still like him as a person even though I know I can't be close with him again like before.
I am resisting myself completely but it's not working! I've tried and for what feels like a long long time now.
I would leave the group but the hobby isn't one you can just up and leave. It costs money and without being too outing, I have big responsibilities.
I think about him a lot even I tell myself everytime it's a no, a non issue and not to keep thinking about it.
I'm really wondered it be a mental health issue?
I really need to talk to people who have gone through this.
How long before my feelings and reactions catch up to my rational brain?
If you read to the end thank you so much.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How long before a crush becomes a problem?
Mrticklelives · 30/10/2019 20:03
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