STBXH showed up with a big, fat hickey

[MartaBonnie]

NCed for this, as I am concerned it will be outing, but please tell me if I am being unreasonable in being annoyed with this.

STBXH and I amicably and mutually agreed to separate 4 months ago, he moved out 2 months ago and we share custody of DC 50/50. All good, coparent well and are fairly friendly.

Yesterday he showed up to collect the DC wearing a shirt with the collar buttoned all the way up. He never wears shirts like that, so it looked a bit odd. Then he bent down to help DS with something, and I caught a glimpse of what was clearly a big, fat, red hickey! It was so clearly visible, barely disguised by the collar.

I get that we have split up and we are free to see other people, but it feels like a disrespectful kick in the teeth that he is clearly seeing someone so soon and not even trying to hide it that well! Sleep around if you want but be discreet ffs!!

Our DC are 4 and 7, so thankfully they wouldn't be able to understand what the mark is, but all our mutual friends and acquaintances would immediately realise what that is, and I think it will make them feel sorry for me? Like the pathetic woman whose husband is already having great sex with someone else?

AIBU to feel annoyed at this? I don't understand if my reaction is irrational or if it is normal for me to feel disrespected?

[Tavannach]

Tacky.

[Caucho]

In defence of hickies for both sexes they usually happen in the heat of the moment and if you do say fuck off I don’t want that it’s already done and can’t be reversed through anything but time.

It looks grim, especially if you’re more than 20 years old, but you can’t easily hide it afterwards and if someone goes nuts on you you’re usually too horny to try and stop them against your own normal sensible self. Could just be taking about myself though

[Nanamilly]

Didnt have a clue how to handle one & was a bit too rough with it

Perhaps she was checking to see if your were dead.

[wafflyversatile]

She did it to make sure he wasnt lying when he said you'd split up.

Anyway the hickey ibu, hibu and yabu.

[billy1966]

OP, you certainly won't be judged, but he will.

Cringe 🤭

[Drogosnextwife]

No one will pitty you, they will judge him though. I don't know why people let someone do that to them, it's embarrassing.

[hadthesnip2]

I got my first love-bite last year. I'm 52 & had drunken sex on a 2nd date. Didnt realise until my date had left what she had done. Luckily it was on the top of my arm so easily coverable.

Btw.......the sex was crap. She had been in a same-sex relationship for 15 years & on splitting with her ex wanted to "try cock" this time. Didnt have a clue how to handle one & was a bit too rough with it. She was 50.

[Enclume]

Ohh just seen sassh's post on page2 saying the same thing. What she said.

[Enclume]

Since adults don't give one another huge visible lovebites, you have to assume he gave it to himself with a bar of soap or a vacuum cleaner.

What a sad sack.

[KM99]

YANBU to feel the way you do, it's only been a few months. As long as he keeps co-parenting well, it's stays amicable, then I'd say just keep you feelings to yourself. As time goes on your feelings towards him and the situation will change.

And honestly, a hickey! Who over the age of 18 is doing that?

[sammylady37]

Gosh, a woman is “a trollop” because she gave a single man a hickey???

Nice judgement there.

[snitzelvoncrumb]

And they won't feel sorry for you, they will laugh at your exh behind his back.

[snitzelvoncrumb]

I think it's disrespectful, and it's ok to feel annoyed, but don't let it stop you getting along and co parenting. Maybe write him a letter telling him how pathetic he is and how his partner must be a trollop, point out all his failings as a man then destroy the letter watch a sad movie have a good cry. It's only been a few months since you split, so you are bound to feel a bit sensitive about it, just remember he is probably feeling a bit upset about the split too and maybe just wanted a distraction or needed a confidence boost. Don't take it to heart. I hope you feel better soon xx

[BringMeAGinandTonic]

I like how @bribery thinks. LOL. We have a saying here "the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone." Have your fun, girl!

[BringMeAGinandTonic]

Like the pathetic woman whose husband is already having great sex with someone else?

A hickey =/= great sex.

You are not pathetic. He has just moved on.

It sounds like was trying to hide it if he never wears his shirts that way.

I know it hurts though to know he has moved on. It'll get easier with time. Hugs.

[FuriousVexation]

@HarmlessChap
Ditto. I've had a few guys try to give me hickeys and if they've succeeded I've just saved them as "Don't see again".

I actually think it's more prevalent in my age group (40s). I blame Def Leppard's "Love Bites"

I will never stop loving the Hysteria album though

[HarmlessChap]

Yea he wasn't being disrespectful to you but the woman who did that was being disrespectful to him.

He's a grown man who now has to pitch up to work, nights out with his mates, see his parents etc. with that on his neck. I'm quite recently separated but if a woman did that to me she wouldn't get the opportunity to do it again.

[bribery]

Go and get yourself under some hot bit of stuff babe - you won't give a shite what he's been up to when you're getting rogered senseless on your nights off...

[ginandnappies]

Yabu

[NameChangeNugget]

All very High School Musical.

Is he 12?

[Paramicha]

I'd have just asked him who the unlucky teen was
he's certainly no class, sounds the best thing being your ex.
The only time anyone will feel pity for you is the length of time you wasted on him.

[MartaBonnie]

He probably did it himself with a vacuum cleaner.

Ahaha that'd be hilarious!!

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

[sashh]

He probably did it himself with a vacuum cleaner.

[category12]

It's not disrespectful, he wasn't trying to show it to you.

It's two months on; realistically, how long did you expect him to be celibate? I get that it's tough when the other person moves on first, but he's not doing anything wrong.