Hello everyone,
My first post here.
I am really keen to reach out to other women who are partners of an ex boarder.
My partner is a great man and love him very much. But he finds our relationship a challenging 'institution' and his behaviour (which I don't believe are directly in his control right now) are very hard to live with at time. Those who are with an ex boarder will most probably resonate with the challenges around emotions, intimacy and childish behaviours.
I really want my relationship to work. In the past, I ended up so ill that I was self harming and suicidal. I underst5and that his former girlfriend also went the same way. I think there is a pattern in how he is in intimate relationships.
I am much better now and the relationship is much better. But he still struggles with intimacy, boundaries, resect and commitment.
We are seeing a therapist together who is an expect in this area, which is great. I would really just like another woman to talk to as well.
If anyone feels they share this issue please do let me know.
S xx
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Relationships
Partners of boarding school survivors
Sensitive1985 · 07/01/2019 11:45
loopsaloo · 22/02/2024 10:09
I'm coming to the end of my tether. My DH is over sensitive, emotionally closed and can be a horrendous sulker. Hoping this thread is still active
Char65 · 01/12/2023 21:10
I have a lot of sympathy with you OP, my DH came from a wealthy family and went to a boarding school which he hated, I came from a very ordinary family and went to a comprehensive school which I also hated as I was bullied so we had that much in common! He went on to have a very successful career in the City and was a very high earner but he finds it hard to show his emotions (he doesn’t like to show weakness) and express himself. He’s very stern, serious and traditional and always like to be in control. He can be quite and doesn’t talk that much – he’s certainly not the life and soul! We married in 1990 when I was 25 and he was 38 and I became a SAMH. We’ve been married 33 years and have 4 children – they were all privately educated – he agreed they should not board and their education was fine. I know he loves me but he tend to show it by buying me things rather than saying it and I could say some things about sex to but won’t! over the years I’ve just on with it, he’s been a good provider, faithful, loyal, complimentary but just lacks that warmth and affection which sometimes I crave.
Lizzie48 · 07/01/2019 21:58
I'm the one who went to a boarding school (a convent school for girls) but as a day student. I was bullied and suffered SA at the hands of a priest and physical and SA at the hands of my headmistress (a nun). I suffered SA at home as well, along with my DSis.
I can relate to your DP's behaviours, especially the difficulties with intimacy. My DH is very patient, but I know I need to properly process what happened to me, otherwise there's no chance of me ever changing. My DH understands, but my difficulties with intimacy impact negatively upon my relationship with my DDs as well, and that isn't right.
You can't change things for your DP, OP, it's up to him to get the help he needs. My DH really does do his best, but he can't go through the therapy for me. I've just started therapy on the NHS now. There is help out there; your DP has to take that step to go to his GP to ask for it.
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