When he says he's having a nice time

[Itsjustmarley]

So just need a bit of advice on what you think of this.

Been dating a guy, we've been on quite a fair few dates now, last one ended up sleeping together. I've been messed about so much in the past I was just upfront in the beginning and said I would like to meet someone. Now last night I ask him if he's looking for something and he said to me 'he's having a nice time and he's keeping an open mind about it'. I just want to know how would you take this to mean?

[lizzie1970a]

I think it means he's not committed to just you and if someone else turned up he wouldn't think twice about having a drink with them or sleeping with them.

I'm like you - why not just go out, be exclusive or whatever, then if you don't like each other or aren't compatible tomorrow, next week, next month, next year or even after you get married then finish it. Nothing is set in stone but at least it means you give it 100%.

No doubt, if you adopted the same attitude as him he'd be scrambling to be on a firmer footing. Right now he gets to sleep with you as why stop it now - but doesn't have to give anything. Of course that might suit you but it doesn't sound like it does - you seem to want something more defined, he doesn't. It would have been clearer for you not to sleep together as there's only so much dating you can do - he would have needed to make his intentions clear (old fashioned term) to take it forward. Nothing lost. Personally as a point of principle I wouldn't be hanging around for him. The offer of you was on the table, he hasn't snatched it up so I'd remove it.

[lizzie1970a]

When I said "right now he gets to sleep with you" obviously it's your choice and you don't have to sleep with him - what I meant is how do you go back to just going out for dates rather than having sex again? I don't think he'll hang around if you drop it back to just that as if you did mean something to him he wouldn't let you feel like this. He's not going to just see you for a drink I doubt now unless he really, really likes you. But if he really, really likes you he'd make that clearer and put it on a firmer footing.

[Itsjustmarley]

lostitin lizzie and mykingdom you've pretty much summed it up pretty good. But thanks to everyone who gave me their input
Like I said I'm not ready to commit yet as I just want to get to know him more with him feeling the same. But yes I do just want some more info so at least I can make a decision on what I want.

[lizzie1970a]

Good for you - set your own tune and he can dance to it if he chooses. Better that than dancing to his tune. Good luck :)

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I don't really understand the whole "dating but we're not exclusive" thing. This means you're both seeing or sleeping with other people as well? I'm out of touch with modern dating!

I don't think you have to go along with that. I mean who makes up these rules anyway?
If I had been dating someone for several weeks and the relationship had developed into physical one then I wouldn't be up for him seeing other people. There's nothing wrong with making that clear to him like lizzie says.

[Itsjustmarley]

ILostIt I don't understand the whole modern dating thing now either. I'm literally just seeing if he wants to multiple date and if he does then I'm out as I'm worth more than just being someones option for the night. Personally I just wouldn't feel comfortable if someone was sleeping with me and then goes round to do it with other people, but yes each to their own but thats just not for me.

[CackleCrackle]

It seems like the very definition of insincere to do that - particularly when you’ve specified you’re after a relationship upfront. From all I hear you need very firm boundaries in the OLD market.