Hungover husband

[irritableirritant]

I'm posting to have a rant.

Does anyone else hate their DH when he's hungover?
My DH has a night out about once a month and is always in a pathetic state the next morning, no actually day!
He obviously can not handle his drink as it's usually a standard night out (not talking stag doo scale) of about 4 hours at the local pub.

He is hungover now and hasn't surfaced from his pit. The room stinks of stale beer and beer farts 🤢
When he does get up he will obviously not be capable of parenting his 3 kids and I will have a whole day of entertaining them whilst he lopes around.
The sight of him angers me, the smell of him angers me.

If I did this as regularly as he does I'd be a terrible mother and shamed but as a bloke it seems to be acceptable.
He's always apologetic the following day but then it always gets forgotten the next time a night out comes round and if I suggest drinking less then I'm a nag.
Ugh! So infuriating!

[WhyBeDennyDifferent]

That does sound annoying if it’s a regular occurrence. I would be making an effort to make his morning as loud and uncomfortable as possible. Do you have a trumpet that you need to practice playing?

[Somerville]

I actually don't think I've heard anyone being shamed for being hungover once a month. (Is he vomiting/needing medical attention/behaving badly when drunk?)
In this house, a night out doesn't mean getting the next day off parenting. I'd send the children in with a tray of breakfast in bed for him. While they're at it, they can read him their school reading book and play him their new violin piece.

[offside]

I think YBU. Everyone’s entitled to a bit of down time, maybe you should do it more often and let him deal with the kids.

Myself and my DH both have nights out where were horribly hungover the following day and the other just takes it on the chin and accepts we’re going to be not as useful as usual. It works because we both have that time every day otherwise is a shared workload.

Does he usually pull his weight other than these days?

[Somerville]

Ha at that cross post!
I'm not the only one who turns children's music practice judiciously!

[irritableirritant]

I usually have a list of jobs at the ready and a long hoovering session.

[irritableirritant]

I don't begrudge him the night out or the down time. I begrudge him the hangover and the lack of effort put into parenting his kids the following morning.

[Somerville]

How old are the kids?

If you had to go out, or were ill, would he be too hungover to look after them?

[irritableirritant]

They're 9, 6 and 7months.

If I was ill I'm pretty sure he'd head to his mothers house.

[irritableirritant]

He would definitely be too hungover to look after them.

[ScreamingValenta]

I think he should give you a reciprocal 'day off' every time he does this.

[irritableirritant]

@ScreamingValenta That's actually a really good idea!

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

How long has he been binge drinking to your knowledge?.

He does not need to binge drink to have down time. Apart from anything else where is your down time here?.

Do you think his relationship with alcohol has become further unhealthy?

Does he still call you a nag even when you bring up this subject when he is sober?.

Does he suffer withdrawal symptoms when he stops the binge?. And yes this is a problem because his drinking affects you and in turn your children because they pick up on all this as well.

You cannot help him but you can help your own self here by contacting Al-anon.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Once a month isn't a lot really is it to be fair. Don't you ever go out in the eve?

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Attila 😂😂 ..... once a month and you're suggesting he's a binge drinking alkie,!!

[Somerville]

Too hungover to look after the kids, even in extremis, is out of order when he has a baby.

Leave him and kids to it tomorrow, if possible?

[thedevilinablackdress]

YY to reciprocal day off. And hopefully he'll grow out of it.

[irritableirritant]

I don't think he's an alchy just bad at pulling himself round the next day.

My downtime is non existent at the moment as I'm still breastfeeding DS at night and co sleeping (DH stays in spare room when he's been out).

It's just really a rant so i can let off here rather than at DH who is just having the odd night out.

DS is really frustrated at the moment and whinges most of the day as he's still trying to master crawling so it's a bit more tiring at the weekends when DH is 'out of action' so to speak.

[Believeitornot]

My DH is like this.

Only once have I not been able to function after a night out because I was actually ill!

[BackInTheRoom]

I don't have a problem with this. He's hungover, feels ill and you wouldn't want/trust him with the kids in this state surely?

[LemonShark]

Once a month isn't lots to go out with friends but I do think it's excessive to get so drunk every time you're hungover the next day to the extent of using it to avoid parenting your kids. It is possible to go and have fun with a few drinks and be in a decent state the next day without going mad and getting hammered. He's a married man and father.

[BackInTheRoom]

I can have one drink and be badly hungover. Sometimes you want to kick back and chill and if this means suffering a hangover then that's the decision people make. Let's face it the hangover is a kind of suffering so you don't exactly escape IYSWIM?

[Chippyway]

I think your anger is more because you don’t get to lounge around and do nothing

You should

If he can do it so can you. It’s your turn tonight right? Then you get to spend all day tomorrow doing nothing. It’s only fair!

[bigsighall]

I feel for him (can you tell I’m hanging and still in bed )

[mindutopia]

It sounds like if he’s going to drink, he needs to keep it together enough to be able to parent the next day, or alternatively, you need another day off for yourself. My dh and I pretty much drink every weekend (not falling down drunk, but enough to have a headache and to wish we could lie around in bed all day). But we’re up at 6/7am the next morning for a full day of parenting as normal. My dh has quite often come straight from a stag do on a Sunday, having gotten up, showered, ready for a day with us. It’s fine if you’re happy to each take your adult time but equally a hangover doesn’t have to me a day of wallowing around doing nothing.