Drugs

[Mumoftwoandover]

Hi, I will try to be quick...
What would you do if when in a night out with your partner and (his) friends, they all go to a cubicle I t he toilet to do cocaine ?
As far as I know my partner don’t use to do it, but this friend of his always do.
At some point this guy came to my house and did it in my kitchen, which my partner joint him (first time I ever saw him doing it), and I went absolutely crazy specially because our children were in the house .
He been warned and after yesterday I am heartbroken, not only because I opened the boys toilet door and saw them all in the cubicle but because I said I was going home, he was calling me crazy to all his friends and didn’t give the house keys.
I also had no money and my phone battery died, I had to walk home and wait more than 2 hrs to get in as he didn’t come back.
I also was so frustrated and upset that I had a asthma attack in the way home and couldn’t stop crying.

It was a hell of a nightmare and I am so upset.
I do t want to talk to him
I don’t want to look in his face but I thing that I will have to and sort something out

Please... I just need some kind words ...

[Mumoftwoandover]

No apologies so far.
I’m standing my ground (although I’m heartbroken)
I have access to our joint account as I am the more responsible to manage our bills.
I can say I don’t have money because I am not employed, I depend on him.
My family abroad would do anything I judge urgent if needed but going back home is not an option as he would never allow me to take our son away.
I think that I shouldn’t also leave the house we bought and made myself homeless with two kids.
I will look for professional help to see where I can stand.
I am feeling awful, sad, everyhing you can imagine

[Orlandointhewilderness]

How are you feeling OP? Well done.

[PollytheDolly]

Does he not see what he’s done wrong? Has he apologised for any of this?

[Rescuepuppydaft2]

You don't have to pretend nothing happened, or go back to pretending everything is normal! In fact, its so important that you make a stand here and he knows that you will never put up with that horrendous behaviour.

If you are in the uk, you will have money, you will be entitled to child tax credits, child benefit, housing benefit and universal credit/ income support/ ESA. And that is before any child maintenance your partner will have to pay! You don't need to ensure you have a job to leave!

Why do you have no money anyway? Is your partner financially abusive? Does he allow you access to joint account/ money? Do you have friends, or family that you can confide in? Or has he cut you off from them?

You shouldn't need somewhere to go! You are primary carer for your dc! Only your partner should be worrying about that! I'm sure you can apply for a residency order however I am not the best to advise, hopefully someone with more experience can come along and advise. If your partner is as I suspect abusive, please contact woman's aid!!!

[Mumoftwoandover]

His Things are out of our bedroom now and our little one is sleeping with me. He’s gone early in the morning after sleeping in the sofa.
This won’t ever happen again !
I won’t ever be treated like shit or a door mat in front of his friends !

[Mumoftwoandover]

Thank you rescue puppy.
Sorry that I can’t answer o e by one of you who helped me with strong truthful words, but from a mobile I don’t know how to do it.

Rescue puppy, that’s him. That’s what he’s done and I don’t know why in my mind this can be maybe one more time we will argue about and we will
Continue living like normals.
Is it my low self stern ? 😭
Is it because I have no money, no job, nowhere to go ?
I have feeling this low. But I am strong. I know I am .

Thank you all ❤️🙏

[Rescuepuppydaft2]

You are in no way being unreasonable op!!! The drug trade is responsible for the loss of so many lives!!!

For your dp/ dh to know what you have been through with your friend and then to not even care, shows a complete and utter disregard for you and your feelings.

The man you saw being cocky, ridiculing you, financially abusing you, having no care whatsoever for your safety, to the point of leaving you alone, locked out of your home and with not a penny to your name. That man is the real version of your dp!! Everything else is just a lie!! He has shown you loud and clear, just what a scumbag he is!! You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about!!!

You and your DC belong in your home! Don't even think about leaving and uprooting your DC. Throw your scumbag dh out and don't look back! You are stronger than you know!

[Mumoftwoandover]

Thank you Orlando .
I’ll be strong

[Orlandointhewilderness]

I'm so sorry to ready this OP. Stay strong. This is NOT a normal way to be and there are decent, kind men who would never touch this stuff out there. Good luck.

[Mumoftwoandover]

Thank you gemini69
You are very right

[Mumoftwoandover]

I’m so sorry to hear that . It must be so hard to live with that , even knowing that he was totally responsible for his own choices
😢😢😢
It’s so hard to live with a man that refuses to grow up and act like a real man.
I hope my life gets better and yours too
Love

[Gemini69]

Lady... you do not need a 'reason' to loathe Drugs....it's a mugs game

[Glowsticksforthehoechicks]

Stay strong , for your self and for your son , my partner started taking cocaine on nights out , now he's sat in a cell while we (myself and his kids ) pay the price . Certainly not bu by showing you won't tolerant such shit behaviour sending you hugs xx

[Mumoftwoandover]

Also, the main reason I am so against drugs is that I lost my best friend a few years ago to that. This shone my entire world and broke me to pieces. Specially because he always promised me that nothing will ever happen to him And we were like brothers. When his then gf sent me a message from abroad to tell me that he died I couldn’t believe. I been betrayed, I’ve felt cheated on, I felt the meaning of uselessness hitting me as a friend.
I swore I would never ever use it, and I felt really hurt that him knowing it all was willing to do it, considering the fact that he was inside that cubicle...he wasn’t there just to look !!

AIBU ?

[Mumoftwoandover]

Hi all,
I’m so sorry I am only answering now. I had a full day travelling.

Just will try to answer a few questions as I can remember.
The pub were 25 mins walking down my street, so I wasn’t being silly walking, I just wanted to go home.
To be honest I regret not going straight to the police :(... should have done it and gave his friends names like one of you said . But I couldn’t think straight :(

I was stupid not taking my card and keys though ! I ALWAYS did before for this reasons, but I was too optimistic yesterday... how naive I was !

I don’t have anywhere to go. My parents live abroad, no friend would be able to host me as I barely have any friend... I have no options.
Even if I had to runaway, I would have nowhere to go!

Yes, he didn’t give me the keys to our own house ! I stayed outside crying until he came back.
I am not talking to him since yesterday. I had to go to his dad and explain the whole thing and I feel so sorry for him :( he is also upset and will try talking to him tomorrow.

I said I won’t ever again allow him to treat me like a door mat like he did yesterday. That I hat drugs and druggies and won’t ever tolerate this sort of behaviour in my life again, even less around our children!

I am still fuming! I put all his clothes in our son’s bedroom and left a not for him to stay away from me.

I don’t and won’t talk to him again until he realises the shit he did. I asked his dad to have him for a few days/ weeks until I put my head back in place but I don’t believe it’s gonna happen.
Meanwhile I will try to find a job. Be strong to get on with my life And take care of my children keeping them away from them vile, disgusting man child druggui father.

Thank you all, I so much needed to hear someone else’s words to make sure I am not being the bossy, bitch woman he says I am

[Glowsticksforthehoechicks]

What vile behaviour cocaine makes people selfish ,

[gamerchick]

because I said I was going home, he was calling me crazy to all his friends and didn’t give the house keys.
I also had no money and my phone battery died, I had to walk home and wait more than 2 hrs to get in as he didn’t come back.
I also was so frustrated and upset that I had a asthma attack in the way home and couldn’t stop crying

This is a dumping offence. You let this go you’ll be giving him the green light to treat you how he wants.

Up to you.

[Branleuse]

I dont care about occasional coke use, but I would go ballistic if someone did it in my house while my children were there, or even if they came and did it in my house when I wasnt doing it. Thats pretty shitty behaviour

[Bluelonerose]

Dh used to be a druggie. When I found out he'd been on it around my dc I hit the roof. I threw him out, phoned his parents and told them. I then phoned the police and gave every single one of his "friends" names and addresses.
He quit there and then and said he wanted me more. Dumped his so called friends and even himself admits he feels 100% better.

I lost my best friend coz she decided she wanted to do drugs every weekend.

Stand your ground. The last thing you want any Where near you dc is coke and cokeheads. Good luck

[Cricrichan]

Didn't read it properly. He refused to give you the keys?? Leave him.

[Cricrichan]

Your dh behaviour is unacceptable but you were also bloody stupid endangering yourself. You should have stayed with him or gone back to get money off him and a key.

[Rescuepuppydaft2]

I have always had a zero tolerance to drugs attitude, which my dh knows and agreed to, back when we first got together. To me, it would be a betrayal akin to cheating. Our relationship would be over! This would be compounded by your dh and his disgusting behaviour, running you down to his friends, refusing you keys to your home, leaving you without money which meant you had to walk home alone. (That alone disgusts me given the recent attack where a young woman was attacked three separate times by multiple attackers just trying to walk home)

I would have called the police on him and his mates myself! I hope that you throw him out when he sobers up!

[Santawontbelong]

If his desire to be one of the lads and take drugs overrides his responsibilities at home he wouldn't be around my dc again.

[FannyTheFlamingo]

You need to break this down and deal with the issues that are important. His mates doing a bit of cocaine isn't that important, him doing the occasional bit IMO isn't that important, so I think you can get past these issues. However, doing it in the house when there are children there is definitely not on. Leaving you to walk home alone with no keys or money is also definitely not on!

Don't let him blame the drugs for the latter, it's common decency regardless of any drug use or argument. Doing it with kids around would be something I'm not sure I'd be able to get over.

Good luck OP, try not to have a big shouty argument!

[Angelf1sh]

Leaving you to walk home alone with no money, no phone and no keys is incredibly dangerous and I’d be furious at him just for this. You cannot allow this behaviour to go unchallenged, he needs to apologise for this. The drugs thing - you can’t police the behaviour of him or his friends outside of you home but god almighty do you have the right to be angry about it happening in your kitchen, even if you didn’t have kids there! If they don’t respect that then they don’t come into your home again. If you go out with him again, take your own keys with you ffs!