Does he still make a fuss?

[user1499288566]

Does your guy still make you feel special? Does he make you feel like you mean the world to him? Or after years of being together and child later does he treat you like your just there, part of the furniture.makes me sad when I look back

[user1499288566]

It's just alot emotionally

[user1499288566]

I'm so fed up of being alone, never thought I'd have a child to do it solo while still with the person, all week on my own and by time he often calls on the eve it's like talking to a zombie because of how tired he is, so I feel like people at work share laughs and giggles etc, I get the tired grumpy moody left overs . I don't get why he wouldn't do anything to get a job that lets him come home every night to his family. I get so fed up feeling I'm the only one with the passion here

[SansaClegane]

RickJames funny you mention that song! Half a year ago I was crying almost daily as I thought that was me, I was stuck in that song forever, this was going to be my life now in a loveless, sexless marriage.
Few weeks later things escalated and we separated. I'm on my own now but feel so much happier and better about myself now.

[user1499288566]

I think he was the love of my life you know, when I think back about how close we was , how intense it was, for me now even though iv fought to keep it, it's just ruined it , I struggle with trust now, I'm resentful, I'm bitter , I'm angry what has been lost when we could have been so close so happy

[TheWorldIsMyCakePop]

oh my goodness. I came on here to say DH (2nd marriage) and I have a good relationship and we try to appreciate each other etc, but having read all of your posts, I would say that there doesn't seem any mileage in this relationship.

He's not around in the week, treats you like a house maid and didn't make any effort for your birthday (or help your child to do so). I don't think he'd be fighting you for access to your DD (sorry). He would probably think it's too much like hard work.

As someone who has been through a relationship break up with an existing child in the mix, I would suggest you get yourself some counselling so you can just talk this through with someone impartial.

Will your DD be going to school in September? If you're currently a SAHM you may have to think about getting some income of your own or seeing if your family can put you up/help out.

Keep posting if it helps to get things out of your system. Good luck!

[user1499288566]

I think I have put it off because of course I wanted it to work with my child's dad, second I worry I don't have the strength to fight over child care and him harassing me when I'm trying to heal and start over

[User36367292]

Based on your last post then, I would take steps to bring the relationship to an end. I can't see any positives.

[FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty]

So sorry you've been through so much. Really doesn't sound like you have much to lose by dumping his sorry arse to be honest. He has let you and your DD down from day one.

[user1499288566]

Could be , I mean it's not easy for women either is it? Our bodies change too on top .we enter into this other world with someone who you think is there hand in hand, but it just feels like your the one holding it together , it's a lonely place. My little girl has c palsy she was diagnosed around one , I left my job to be there for her and all her app, to be there helping her at home with what I was told to do by doctors, my mum has always been the one to come with me to app , never him .id give him the feed back and he would just turn on me that they are stupid, I didn't ask enough etc, he just didn't want to face it , that's the truth , it was easier to step back and block it out.im tearing up writting this , and don't know why I'm getting Into it, but I feel I carry that much pain and heartache with me and I just hold it in acting fine, but I'm not, I'm heart Broken, I feel like someone has kicked the hell out of me, I'm angry im sad I'm guilty, I went through so much alone, in the early stages of being preg and after having her I found out he was on coke , going forward to know, my daughter is 4 he don't do drugs got another job which he been doing 2 or 3 years now, but it's working away only comes back weekends, iv spoken to him in past about how I feel , and the pain I still carry but he will never know, how could he he didn't go through it. I lived with mom n dad till after she was one due to his behaviour, and because that was to much on them I got my own place, iv had to sort everything, be the rock, the love we had changed when he put me through all the lies and upset while I was preg, it was never full the same after. Almost like it was tarnished. Iv battled on hoping it would come good, but still 5 yrs being together I'm alone, he is away communication int great when he away , and I still feel alone and empty

[User36367292]

Hate to say it but some guys just don't cope very well when kids come along and lose interest in you, particularly if you have channelled all your energy into your child. It's not right but it happens

[user1499288566]

I try to plan things, and suggest things

[User36367292]

Do you make much effort for him out of interest?

[user1499288566]

My fear is doing it, and having to see him move on in future, I worry I will regret and have to see that, that's my fear, but then so is carrying on this way, feeling unhappy unfulfilled

[FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty]

It's not too much to expect some thoughtfulness and caring. I've been with DP for 5 years and he tells me everyday how much he loves me, buys me gifts for no reason (even something as daft as taking me out to buy my favourite juice from Tescos or bring me over a McDonalds when he visits!)

I was feeling down yesterday as I don't have much money at the moment, and he said he wants to pick me up at lunchtime and take me out clothes shopping. It's not all about the money, but it helps when someone wants to do nice things for you.

He is also very affectionate, tells me I'm beautiful and is very passionate.

We don't live together which helps to keep things a bit fresh and keeps the domestic drudgery out of it a bit, but we do see each other 4/5 times a week.

You don't need to feel the butterflies necessarily, but a hug and a kiss every day and a gift on your 30th is not beyond the realms of expectation. Especially if you do the same for him.

You've spelled it out and he still doesn't get it, I'd be considering leaving OP, life it too short to feel like part of the furniture.

[ToEarlyForDecorations]

We both awkwardly agreed that we've become part of the furniture to each other/take each other for granted. It's because of that, that we try harder to be good to each other. Well, I think anyway.

Daily texts saying I love you exchanged between us. A kiss when he gets home from work. He thanks me for cooking tea and will tidy up and wash up afterwards. Arms around each other or holding hands on the sofa of an evening. We regularly say, 'I love you' to each other. We shower together every day. His hand on my knee in an affectionate manner when I'm driving. He will kiss me goodnight every night without fail. He is always the first to turn over and give me a kiss in the morning. We cuddle for ten minutes in the morning before getting out of bed in the morning. I kiss him goodbye before he leaves for work.

Plenty of eye contact, talking, laughing (getting cross, frustrated, tutting and frowning etc !)

He always shaves and puts aftershave on Saturday and Sunday evening even though we are at home. I cook us a special meal on Saturday evening and a lovely roast dinner on Sunday evening, served with wine. My husband will, 'open the bar' in the evening at the weekend this is just a euphemism for making us both an alcoholic drink.

[RickJames]

I left a long relationship aged 30 because of the Arctic Monkeys song 'fluorescent adolescent I heard it and the lyrics made me cry because I knew If I stayed with ex I'd never get any romance or hot shagging ever again. Thanks Arctic Monkeys

I picked better the next time
After 8 years we are still caring and enthusiastic and a bit naughty. We aren't flowers and cards romantic, more caring, talking and saving the others arse in a crisis. I'm not surprised you are getting pissed off, OP.

[helhathnofury]

If it isn't what you want from a relationship then it will eat away at you and build resentment. Get out before you have to depend on him to look after you, unless you think he could step up. Easy to say - not easy to do with kids involved.
On the other hand weigh up what is good about him, as if you find someone who makes a fuss they could be lacking elsewhere.

[user1499288566]

When is it time to just walk away and say enough, things won't get better

[helhathnofury]

Hmmm, I've struggling with nausea and vomiting due to anxiety this last month - a by product of another ongoing health condition. Was in hospital for few hours yesterday for iv fluids - this morning he up and went to the gym as usual, leaving me nagging 3 Kids to get up and do school run. He's been doing 'meals' for the kids at night and keeps kitchen clean if nothing else, but definitely no gooey-eyed syndrome in this house.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

My first XH treated me as though I was a domestic machine. So when I told him it was over, he behaved as though the washing machine had bitten him! How could it be over, he was perfectly happy!

So in my second marriage I made deliberate efforts to work at it, to keep the romance alive, to prevent us taking one another for granted. And he did all those little, caring things for me, we talked, kissed, we communicated non stop and I got butterflies when he came home, etc.

But he decided the relationship wasn't working, and he left. So, you take your chances, basically.

[user1499288566]

Sounds lovely, I don't know why he is like it , I brought up how this occasion made me feel but there was no real conclusion from it , and it's gone again now int it for another year, so it's just been put to bed .but even the gift from him I carnt really look at and think he picked that he chose that, because I did he just paid for it

[MyfatheristheKing]

You’re not daft at all :( he sounds as if he does kind of take you for granted a little. No effort being made. Have you spoke to him about it?

Me and DH have been together for ten years now. He drives me crazy but he would do anything for me. Just little things like he will set my foot spa up and then rub cream on my feet. I know a bit cheesey (not my feet!!) but he’s just showing me he cares. He will sometimes write me a little note and leave it on his pillow when he leaves for work and so on. I know he loves me even more now after ten years and three babies.

[ohtheholidays]

Of course your not daft that's really sad.I'm sorry he didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated on your birthday

If you don't feel you can talk to him about what's going on for your sake please do it for your DD,she will learn what her future relationships with a OH should look like by watching yours and your husbands relationship.

[user1499288566]

Sounds like you have found a good one hun , I did talk to him but it always gets pegged like I'm moaning or always have an issue etc, it did hurt me , even more so because it was a special bday

[ohtheholidays]

I'm very lucky(although he always says that he's the lucky one)we've been together 12 years and we have 5DC(I had DC before we met he had none and we had our youngest together)I became seriously ill and disabled when our youngest was 1 but he still treats me like I'm the only woman in the world.

I still get butterflies when he looks into my eyes and neither of us want to stop once we start kissing.

We still make each other laugh and on top of looking after me he's always doing lovely little thoughtful things for me and I do the same for him,just yesterday I took my DH out for lunch at a lovely new Greek restaurant and today he came home with 2 bunches of flowers for me and arranged them into the vases for me(because I was feeling ill)and bought me some of my favourite sweets.