Sis in law has not said congrats on birth of my baby? Am I being harsh ?

[2015mom]

My sister in law well husbands sister in law (husband's brothers wife) has still not said congratulations to me on the birth of my son!

Am I being harsh in expecting somebody to say congratulations by text/phone/card or person?

Everybody else family, friends people I don't even know have congratulated me and my hubby on the new addition.

LO is now 10 weeks and still nothing.

Everybody has come to visit my son expect her and her kids.

My mother in law called today to ask if we were coming over to her house and I said no (they live with the in laws) I said I am not coming over and nor is my LO because the other daughter in law have not congratulated us or even come over to see the new addition. Mother in law started making excuses for her and I said so her mouth and hands aren't working that she can't call me or text me. Mother in law didn't know what to say other than I know.

Mother in law covers up for her but then moans about her behind her back lol. Am i being harsh for punishing in laws of not seeing their grandson just because the daughter in law cannot be bothered with saying congrats. I refuse to go to their house and I told mother in law to come to our house so in laws said they will come tomorrow.

The other daughter in law has three boys herself and we have gone to see each of them within days of being born and helped them loads.

Oh well can't choose family can you lol

I have got the attitude that I will do as much for people as they do for me so I will not bother with her anymore.

[2015mom]

Hi @Gabbr they sound very similar.

Yes I think not rising to it is best. I never did or said anything in the end. I know the mother in law said something to her and then she turned up to our house all of a sudden to see the baby.

Best way is to watch everything but not say anything. But when people really do take the piss then time to have words.

Hope it works out for you, the way you want.

[Gabbr]

I known this is a old thread but I'm really interested to know how you got on? As I've had the same experience between my wife and my sister in law (my brother's wife). In short my sister in law is very envious and jealous individual, how we dealt with it was not to rise to it, if you do they will make it all about them and make out they are the victim. Continue your path upwards and onwards, they will eventually burst at the seams. Hope I am wrong and you worked it all out but wouldn't surprise me if she got worse.

[2015mom]

Hahahah

[WateryTart]

Good grief, what a horror you are, OP.

[Mulberry72]

You're a real delight aren't you OP?

Are you 12?

[loobyloo1234]

Are you 12 OP? No wonder she's stayed away

[CouldntMakeThisShitUp]

OP, this is how you come across - www.dictionary.com/browse/schadenfreude

look it up.

[Mombie2016]

You are an absolute nob OP.

HTH,

[CouldntMakeThisShitUp]

fishface

i was thinking along the same lines once the 'hahaas' started

OP, your sil is under no obligation to pretend to like you. The only thing you can 'expect' from her is to treat you with respect when in your company. The same goes for you - no sly digs of 'rubbing her nose' in it for living with in-laws etc.

your bil has been over - that will have to be enough.

Your mil has invited you to her house, yet you are trying to make her choose between her dil's!

It doesn't matter WHY sil lives there, the fact is she has a husband who is EQUALLY responsible for everything yet you reserve your cackling just for her.
Perhaps you should have asked your bil when he intends to cut the apron strings?

[Fishface199]

You've won the battle, but lost the war OP!

You will have gone down in your MIL's estimation, making her do this to SIL in order to have permission to see her grandchild.

100%. This will backfire on you long term.

[floraeasy]

You've won the battle, but lost the war OP!

You will have gone down in your MIL's estimation, making her do this to SIL in order to have permission to see her grandchild.

[greeeen]

You sound like a petty brat. I feel for your MIL having to pander to you so she can see her grandchild in her own home. SIL is obviously a good judge of character!

[MrsMarigold]

Seriously focus on the baby and stop bullying other family members.

[Fishface199]

I have to ask, are you Asian OP?

The family situation you describe (son living with wife and mother) is typical in many Asian households. I have read your other posts and you describe how moving out of your in laws was a big deal, again indicating an Asian background.

Also, speaking from personal experience, this problem is straight out of the "oh my God they insulted me cos they did X and will have to pay" petty drama that sadly infects so many extended Asian family set ups. Indian soap operas have made a fortune dramatising such things and you are coming over like an evil "bahu" who uses her kids as weapons.

When your son grows up, marries, has a wife and she doesn't allow you to see your grandchild on some perceived slight I wonder how you would feel?

Forget about "behiziti" forget about being right and be classy. Right now your behaviour has been awful and will cause more bad blood in the future.

[Costacoffeeplease]

You have made yourself look petty, mean, pretty spiteful and unpleasant

Well done - now the whole family knows just what you're like

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

Jeez louise.

SIL didn't say "congratulations" when DD was born, didn't visit us for ages etc. I was 19, very emotional and scared and insecure, and I still didn't kick up a fuss beyond feeling a little hurt for a couple of days immediately afterwards. Once the hormones passed, I realised that it must have been so difficult for her (they were married and had been trying for years, so to see her brother's girlfriend get pregnant accidentally must have been a kick in the teeth), so I took my head out of my arse and stopped being so bloody self absorbed.

If you're ten weeks in and still behaving like a petulant toddler, it doesn't seem like there's much hope for you. Your poor MIL and SIL.

[Northgate]

Neither of my brother-in-laws have congratulated me on the birth of DC3 yet. Although their wives have. It hadn't occurred to me to be offended about this.

Anyway.

Whatever problems you have with your SIL, it's not fair to take them out on your MIL. It's not fair to refuse contact, visits etc with MIL because you're cross with SIL. It's not MILs fault and you shouldn't be putting her in the middle of it.

[Ledkr]

I didn't personally congratulate any of my in laws when they had babies, dh did it on our behalf, same when my sisters had theirs.
That's just normal I think unless you are very close.
Very immature.

[daydreamnation]

Ffs you've had a baby. Many women do, every minute of everyday.
Some folk are genuinely not particularly interested, I have two dc, no way would I have bothered posting about something so trivial.
Enjoy your new arrival and stop creating pointless drama!

[Anditstartsagain]

Everyone needs to stop being mean to the op she will tell on us and mumsnet will make us congratulate her and aplolgise or she wont come back.

[Crumbs1]

Are you a child bride? You sound as if you are somewhat younger than my eighteen year old.

[LucieLucie]

Wow, you sound like a real delight Op.

Not everything is about you, you know.

Your actions have been incredibly self obsessed and rather bullying imo.

[TheNaze73]

You sound like princess tippy toes.

[Veterinari]

So you blackmailed your MIL to force your SIL to say congratulations to you?

And you think your SIL is the rude one. Wow.

Congratulations on 'winning' OP! - it's so much more important than being a decent human being