Clingy boyfriend?

[cheesecadet]

So I've been seeing this lad for a few months. Apart from this issue we get on and the spark is amazing.

He sometimes won't take no for an answer. Like when I'm working on a Friday night and I want to go straight home to bed rather than his he doesn't like it and will pester and pester. Also if I'm up very early for work one day (5.40) he'll be annoyed if I don't stay at a family gathering after 10 pm. No occasion just takeaway and chats.

He's also tried to make me feel guilty when I've not met him for lunch in his lunch break and is always mithering to give him lifts everywhere.

Also he was messaging me the other day and seemingly encouraging me to tell him how I felt about him, really pushing for answers. So when I said "I love you" (which I wanted to wait a bit longer to say) he never said it back. After a discussion about it the next day he told me " it's a bit soon"

What the fuck?

[NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler]

cheesecadet no it was P. And the sex wasn't worth it either

[Violetcharlotte]

His name begins with R? Christ, I hope for your sakes it's not my ex... are you in the south east?

[expatinscotland]

Who cares what his name is? He's a damp squib. Get rid!

[cheesecadet]

stewie huge reds flags for domestic violence...really? SHIT!

[cheesecadet]

violet no not in the south east.

Well he's just text saying "fancy coming over babe?" when I told him yesterday I was needing a day doing housework then having a quiet night at home.

[cheesecadet]

Oh and when we got to his sisters on that occasion for a takeaway. He was definitely off with me.

Time to fuck him off I think.

[expatinscotland]

'stewie huge reds flags for domestic violence...really? SHIT!'

Yes, really! He's very controlling and manipulative. If you can't see this, you really need to take a break from dating.

[gamerchick]

Yep do it as soon as. Good sex isn't worth the rest of it.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Hope you reply in the negative along with giving this individual the boot. He has more red flags about him than are present in a Communist party committee meeting.

He latched onto you and deliberately so; you were targeted because he likely thought you were so desperate for a man that you would put up with any old rubbish from him.

Your boundaries seem to be off kilter as well; what have you learnt about relationships along the way? There may well be stuff that needs to be unlearnt.

[Violetcharlotte]

Run for the hills.He sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. Get rid while you can.

[cheesecadet]

expact yes I can see he is controlling and manipulative that's why I'm on here but are all people like this capable of violence, I'm not sure?

attila why do you think he would think I'm desperate? "What have I learnt about relationships?" Well only that I've had dick heads! And what do you mean there may well be stuff that needs to be unlearnt?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

attila why do you think he would think I'm desperate? "What have I learnt about relationships?" Well only that I've had dick heads! And what do you mean there may well be stuff that needs to be unlearnt?

Some men do see single mums as basically desperate for any male company. I maintain he did target you because he sensed something in you that he can and has indeed exploited.

Why have you only dated dickheads as well?. Sometimes that is to do with having a poor template from your childhood experiences. For instance what did your parents teach you about relationships?. If they showed you a poor example you may be more likely to copy what you saw from them. Low self worth and a poor sense of boundaries also play a part. I would carefully look at all the stuff that you have learnt about relationships to date and unlearn all the rubbish you have learnt. This individual you have been seeing is just the latest in a line of dicks.

If he can control you through words then he does not have to be (as yet) physically violent. That does not mean to say it would not happen, there are no guarantees here.

[expatinscotland]

'are all people like this capable of violence, I'm not sure? '

Anyone can, but it's by the by, this guy's a complete non-starter, get rid! If anything, the mithering for a lift and having to pay for everything is ridiculous.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

RealityismyonlyValentine started a sticky threat at the top of these Relationships pages. It would do you some good to read her initial post:-

Every person deserves to have a relationship where they are treated with respect, love and equality.

There is never an excuse for verbal, physical or financial abuse.

If you partner treats you like shit, it is their fault. It is not because of something you have done.

You can't change an abusive man by being 'better' or sticking by him where others haven't, or by changing yourself.

Most people have happy relationships, where disagreements happen and are resolved without resorting to shouting, name calling or violence or screwing someone else.

Most people's partners are happy for them to pursue their own friendships and interests, work and education, have access to money, make decisions.

Most people in a relationship stay faithful. They don't have affairs or cyber-sex or obsessively wank over porn day and night.

Don't be fooled into thinking that dysfunctional relationships are the norm. There are many of them on here, but then people don't tend to ask for advice on healthy relationships, so we hear less about them.

Relationships are not supposed to be hard work, that is a big fat myth. Yes, you should work at your relationship but that is not the same thing at all.

Nobody should live their life in fear of angering their partner, or skirting round issues that might upset him. Or put up with cheating and lying for fear of rocking the boat.

Nobody should 'stay together for the children', or because of your marriage vows. If your husband treats you badly, he has broken the vows. Children are much much happier being brought up by parents who live apart than in an atmosphere of fear and loathing.

Just because you've escaped a level 10 bastard, doesn't mean you should settle for the level 8 one that comes along. The only acceptable level of abuse is none.

Just because all your friends are in bad relationships, doesn't mean that you have to be.

I really want to debunk the myth that all men are bastards. They simply aren't. If you feel that all the men you meet are, it's because you are unconsciously sending out vibes to these men. They can spot a target a mile off.

Be on your own. It is much easier than sticking by a tosser. If you have been in more than one abusive relationship, seek some counselling, you may be co-dependant, or you may be modelling relationships on a warped template, perhaps from childhood.

If he abuses you, he is not a good father. Good fathers don't treat the mother of their children with disrespect.

It doesn't matter how much he says sorry and makes it up to you, if he continues to abuse you those apologies are worthless.

Don't be fooled into thinking the abuse isn't 'bad enough to leave'. If you are treated in any way less than cherished, loved and respected, it is bad enough to leave.

There is never a reason to stay with an abusive man. He won't kill himself if you leave him, he won't take your children, and yes, everybody will believe you.

[cheesecadet]

Thanks for all the comments.

My parents divorced when I was tiny. All my relationships ended for different reasons. I don't have low self worth, I'm happy and confident and totally the opposite of poor sense of boundaries as I'm very perceptive and nip things in the bud early on and have mostly been the one to end relationships. I'm going to end this one. I think your perception of me is wrong.

Well I text him back saying "I told you I was busy yesterday, sorry". A bit abrupt but I think he needs it!

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Have you also told him that its no longer working for you and that you do not wish to see him any more?.

[PurpleThursday]

Cheese I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here. You've realised the situation and you're dealing with it, good on you.

I would be wary of using the word 'sorry' in your text. I think he could see that as a weakness in this situation- you've done nothing to apologise for! He's the one pushing all boundaries and not respecting your wishes.

I hope you end it quickly and cleanly - be aware that he could well try lots of tricks to worm his way back in.

[cheesecadet]

He's text back saying I'm sick of you making no effort so I replied saying "and I'm sick of you being possessive, manipulative, weird and controlling, now fuck off you twat!" no reply lol!

[Shayelle]

Haha!!! Nice

[Zebra31]

I was about to respond to your op but it seems you have handled the situation very well.

[Shayelle]

He obviously gets right on your tits and that is never good!!!!

[Rainbowshine]

I love your reply!

[PurpleThursday]

The End.

... don't get sucked back in (I'm sure you won't as you have seen it all so clearly now).

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

An excellent reply to his message cheese!.

This individual was not above projecting onto you either; he was the one really making no effort here.

[cheesecadet]

So he's replied saying "can you come over so we can talk?" so I replied "no you've drove me mad, leave me alone"