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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Clingy boyfriend?

77 replies

cheesecadet · 02/04/2017 12:17

So I've been seeing this lad for a few months. Apart from this issue we get on and the spark is amazing.

He sometimes won't take no for an answer. Like when I'm working on a Friday night and I want to go straight home to bed rather than his he doesn't like it and will pester and pester. Also if I'm up very early for work one day (5.40) he'll be annoyed if I don't stay at a family gathering after 10 pm. No occasion just takeaway and chats.

He's also tried to make me feel guilty when I've not met him for lunch in his lunch break and is always mithering to give him lifts everywhere.

Also he was messaging me the other day and seemingly encouraging me to tell him how I felt about him, really pushing for answers. So when I said "I love you" (which I wanted to wait a bit longer to say) he never said it back. After a discussion about it the next day he told me " it's a bit soon"

What the fuck?

OP posts:

Report

Hissy · 03/04/2017 18:41

Oh the bloke I knew was horrible about his wife!

Poor thing got ill, incurable and degenerative, and yes it resulted in some hideous situations for her, this bloke and their dc.

The situation and environment was 100% damaging for both him and ds, but the way he spoke about her.

I'm sure it is a case of walk a mile in his shoes, but still.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 03/04/2017 06:15

Is there a school that these idiots go to? The experiences posted by cheese and hissy are literally identical to my ex.
Told me he didn't ever look at any other women ever and would slate actresses constantly. If I even mentioned a male celeb that's good looking he'd bitch at me.
Constantly talked about how fat/ugly whatever his ex was, yet if I so much as mentioned mine (dcs dad so came up in conversation) he would accuse me of being in love with him still.
Wanted my dc to call him Dad (they are 10 and 12 and see their own dad most weeks)
Expected me to be on call 24/7. I get up for work at 5.45 am yet he'd expect me to answer the phone at 3am.

Ugh. So glad I finally saw the light.

Dieu · 02/04/2017 23:43

Well done cheese You have 100% done the right thing.

cheesecadet · 02/04/2017 21:43

Similar timescale then.

He also said that he doesn't look at other women and women shouldn't look at other men! He was always looking for reactions and reassurance, was bloody hard work.

OP posts:

Hissy · 02/04/2017 21:38

I don't think mine was malicious, just desperate to be In A Relationship I think (was scathing about his exw too.... )

Yours is angry and manipulative,

Hissy · 02/04/2017 21:35

Literally about 8-10 weeks..

He asked about holidays together on date 2/3... i said no as I couldn't afford it, and preferred to go with ds only as he's such a great travel companion, but at the time I was

It was him knowing I was practically on my knees and shattered yet still calling me. I ignored some calls, that in itself is the sign...

cheesecadet · 02/04/2017 20:20

hissy how long were you with him?

OP posts:

cheesecadet · 02/04/2017 19:42

He's blocked on everything. And yes I will.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 02/04/2017 19:42

He's like that because he's a knob used to getting his own way and he throws the teddy out the pram when that doesn't happen. NO more contact with him.

AnyFucker · 02/04/2017 19:39

Don't engage with him again.

Block all forms of contact and if he hammers on your door, call the police.

cheesecadet · 02/04/2017 19:32

Thanks for the comments. Don't understand how someone can be like this. Feel pissed off now and stupid for talking to him at the door!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 02/04/2017 19:30

He isn't mentally unwell, he's a dick

The first is excusable, the second is not

expatinscotland · 02/04/2017 19:26

He's manipulative, cheese, not mentally unwell, he was miffed he wasn't getting his own way.

PLEASE don't engage at all with him anymore. He shows up again, don't open the door.

Draw a line under this. This person is a controlling, whingy, possessive, sponging loser. He sulks when he doesn't get his way. Ditch for good.

cheesecadet · 02/04/2017 19:22

Thanks everyone!

FFS he turned up didn't he crying. Wanted me to explain. Said he loved me and he's sorry and that it's because he feels so much for me! Went through everything with him. Walked off in a sulk!

Why would someone be like this, mentally unwell?

OP posts:

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 02/04/2017 18:48

Well done OP

BubblingUp · 02/04/2017 18:36

Good one! Very clear and to the point.

Hissy · 02/04/2017 18:21

Yeah, good move.

He wasn't listening to you, he wasn't allowing you the space and respect you rightfully asked for and needed.

I've had similar, where the guy has asked something, like the fact that I could come over to their house and meet their (frankly awful sounding, over indulged, demanding and sore losing) child. Erm, no, it's too soon for intros, I'd rather not (was listening to my instincts)

Over and over he asked me and in the end tried to trick me into an intro.

This after me having been really ill and getting home and literally flaking out at 7pm, but him calling me anyway for a chat...

You have instincts, they screamed, you listened. Well done!!

As for his "a few internet relationships which petered out". That was people he's met wising up just like you have and running for the hills. Trust me.

AnyFucker · 02/04/2017 18:00

Well done

You can have good sex with other men. This one was crap and only going to get crapper.

PurpleThursday · 02/04/2017 17:57

Well done. Don't weaken.

expatinscotland · 02/04/2017 17:53

Well, he ain't. He's a user and a controlling dickhead.

cheesecadet · 02/04/2017 17:51

Blocked!

I wasn't looking for a relationship but he looked quite nice.....

OP posts:

Gallavich · 02/04/2017 17:48

Oh god he's just a massive dick head isn't he? No sex is worth having a dick head like this in your life.

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expatinscotland · 02/04/2017 17:48

Dear god! What a user. Block him on your phone, delete him on your social media and email accounts, just get rid. Lazy arse.

monkeywithacowface · 02/04/2017 17:48

Agree with what expat says, do not engage anymore!

cheesecadet · 02/04/2017 17:46

He'd come to my house with his laptop. Sometimes the first thing he'd do would put it on and play games!

OP posts:

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