He is ringing the doorbell non stop. Should I call police?

[Proseccoisthenewlambrini]

I'm scared, should I call police?

[Foxysoxy01]

Just because you want something to be a certain way doesn't mean it will be and wanting harder doesn't make it anymore likely to happen either.

You deserve to be treated well. You shouldn't ever have to beg or plead with another person. You are worth so much more than that man is ever going to be able to give you.

You need to work on your self esteem, self worth and confidence! There are lots of books on amazon pick one with good reviews and go from there.

Please get some space from this man and spend sometime working on you.

Things will get better OP but you have to make an effort and start being selfish for a while.

There is a better future for you with a new, kinder man or once you have actually worked on yourself you may be really happy with a future without any man at all

[SandyY2K]

Is your husband always this agressive? I think for now it's best to keep some space between you.

I probably wouldn't appreciate my husband asking if I'd slept with a guy in similar circumstances, but his behaviour was disproportionate to the incident.

Was he drunk?

[ptumbi]

As trib said:
told you to go fuck yourself

• walked off and left you
  
• tried to force himself into your taxi
  
• threatened to kick the door in
  
• waited outside your house, snatched your key and then locked you out
  
• called you to verbally abuse you whilst you were at your friend's house
  
• called you, rang the bell and knocked on the windows for the rest of the night once you had returned home.
  

and then, after drinking a shitload, he drove off in the car??

I'd have called the police for harassment, verbal assault and threats, and drink-driving.

[lasttimeround]

I know you feel low and sad but just the facts of what happened shows this is not a decent relationship. You will be better off without this

[FriendofBill]

Have you done the freedom programme?
You need it, look on line.

You could start feeling better day by day, if you are with him, you will always feel like this.

What can you do for yourself this Mother's Day, to make you feel good?
X

[Shayelle]

Have you got family op? Can you reach out to anyone today? for you xx

[Proseccoisthenewlambrini]

Thank you ratbag , your post made me cry.
I think I really need support at the moment, this is so hard .

[Ratbagcatbag]

Cross posted with gallavich who put it much better than me.

[Ratbagcatbag]

Your reasons are not lame
They are perfectly valid for you and I completely understand them. It's tough when you're in the middle of it and it is scary to make that decision.

You can build a happy separate life from him and then you don't have to rely on the when it's good, it's good bit, this is in your control and you won't be walking on egg shells.

I agree with others who said he completely overreacted and made you feel miserable and resort to begging rather than calmly deal with your question.

You will get through it if you choose to continue with the separation, but it will be hard for a while, however you will never have to put up with anyone making any comments such as go fuck yourself again.

[Gallavich]

he has good points
So did hitler probably. Nobody is 100% horrible.
I want to be a family
Sometimes we have to accept that we cannot be the family we wanted to be. Wanting doesn't make it so.
I love him
Again, wishful thinking. Loving someone doesn't necessarily mean you should be in a relationship with them. Sometimes we love people who are toxic and we have to make a decision to end the toxic relationship whilst acknowledging that we still feel love.
I'm scared to be alone
Better alone than in a toxic relationship. Honestly. And being alone isn't as bad as you think.
I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else
Not a reason to stay with him.
We have 4 dc
Who deserve a calm and safe home free from toxicity and abuse
We have built a life together
And sometimes things have to end.
When things are good it's good
See point one

[PoorYorick]

He's a dangerous arsehole OP. You shouldn't want to be with him because you're scared of being alone, it should be because he enriches your life rather than terrorises it. A positive choice, not a negative one. Your kids deserve better.

[Proseccoisthenewlambrini]

Thanks for being there mumsnet, it is helping, I just feel so shit.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

You can't keep hanging on, waiting for the good times OP.
You are in a difficult place at the moment, but everything in life, comes to pass.
As for him being with someone else, he won't treat them any better.
You have built a life together, but the foundations don't appear to be very solid.
You deserve so much more. If you accept dregs, that is what you will get.
I don't mean to be harsh, just trying to get through to you.

[Proseccoisthenewlambrini]

Yep

[CalmItKermitt]

Most of your reasons are pretty lame tbh.

[cordeliavorkosigan]

Don't fix it! Ensure that it gets out of your life forever. You will be so much happier. What a dick. An aggressive nasty dick. Would you want your daughter to be with an asshole like that? You deserve to live better than that, alone or with someone kind.

[Proseccoisthenewlambrini]

I know there is no going back, I think that's why I feel such despair , the decision has been taken out of my hands.

I want to fix it because
he has good points,
I want to be a family
I love him
I'm scared to be alone
I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else
We have 4 dc
We have built a life together
When things are good it's good

[NorksAreMessy]

But WHY do you want to fix this?
Are you hoping to go back in time to when it was all roses and sweetness, because after this night, that ship has sailed. There is no going back

[CalmItKermitt]

I wouldn't bother. He sounds absolutely horrible.

[tribpot]

You asked him a question.

He could have said 'as we're separated, that's none of your business. Now, shall we get back to our date night?'. Instead he:

• told you to go fuck yourself
  
• walked off and left you
  
• tried to force himself into your taxi
  
• threatened to kick the door in
  
• waited outside your house, snatched your key and then locked you out
  
• called you to verbally abuse you whilst you were at your friend's house
  
• called you, rang the bell and knocked on the windows for the rest of the night once you had returned home.
  

Why on earth did you not call the police?

Why do you think this is your fault?

Why would you want to get back together with someone who is such a twat?

[skerrywind]

Time to grow up.

[skerrywind]

You both sound about 17 OP.

[Proseccoisthenewlambrini]

I know, I just want to fix it.

[NorksAreMessy]

I think you might start to see that this charming man is not good enough for you.
You have had a chance to properly split for good.
Every time you waver, just think of this night and how it made you feel. You should never have to beg forgiveness for something like this. BEG?

You are strong, you have children, you can get through this.
We will be here to support you

[Gallavich]

He shut you out of the house first

This story reminds me of a horrendous 'date night' my ex and I had when we were trying to get back together. Both got too drunk, horrible things were said. Walking through town arguing with each other in the rain. I never want to be in that situation again. What does it tell you about how toxic your relationship is?