So sad, not all of us make it out (**domestic violence trigger warning***)

[OhMrsQ]

Sorry to have to post this.

I went to the bank today. Lovely place. Asked after 'A', as I had not seen her in a couple of months and she was LOVELY.

Her boyfriend murdered her in December. Domestic violence. She was 23.

I would like to say, please, do all you can to look out for others who you suspect may be in that situation. And if it is you, I wish you all the strength to be able to leave.

I left my abusive ex husband over two years ago. It was hard. Many cries of LTB, but as some of you may know its not that easy.

Anyone, please feel free to message me for support if needed xx

[OhMrsQ]

Thank you all so, so much for your posts. Its no wonder we don't tell people with some of the reactions we get.

I'm starting something over here in California - a campaign to not raise awareness as such, but more of a 'it happens more than you think so please don't be afraid to speak out'.

I didn't know about the woman with her eyes gouged out. Bloody hell. What is wrong with people?

to all

[Ledkr]

I left at 19 with a 2 year old and one on the way. It was 30 years ago and I'd had no support from anyone.
I left solely as I KNEW 100% he would kill me.
I have also enjoyed a lovely peaceful calm life since.
I am very open about it in the hope it might make one person think.
So sad about that lovely young woman.

[Bingybongboo]

Thanks for posting. So very, very sad
I was in an abusive marriage and my life long "friends" played it down. I left because my instincts told me it was escalating. When I eventually got through to womens aid and to actually hear someone tell me i was being abused gave me the strength to leave. 5 years later I know I did the right thing. It makes me so sad people are still living like this.
Thinking of you OP.

[fuzzywuzzy]

It's horrifying isn't it reading these accounts.

I got out of a ten year abusive marriage and honestly the first step was when a poster on here pointed out the glaringly obvious when I started an innocuous (I thought) thread on style.

Leaving is hard but only because you're stepping out into the unknown. It was also the best thing I've done. Being on my own afterwards was hard and a relief and amazing. Even the hard bits weren't as bad as being in the actual relationship.

Seven years on and I'm at a really good place, with my dc and dp.

My only regret is I didn't leave earlier.

[AgentBlue]

Please don't remove this thread.

So many people think it happens to 'others' when it's actually the nice lady in the bank or the middle aged lady on the bus or the all together woman that you work with or the quiet lady on the school run…

there is still the view that DV only happens in silos while it actually happens all over, money, education, post code doesn't matter.

Sorry I'm preaching, but I saw my friend, a highly educated professional get the shit beat out of her regularly while also being finically and emotionally abused (and I'm sure more).

When she 'confessed' to her Mum that she hadn't walked in to a door and she was being abused she was told she was being silly. They were both educated professionals, educated professional men didn't beat their girlfriends. Even though she was sitting in front of her with a black eye.

She got the same when she approached her GP, her OH dep, called the police.

I have no idea why she waited to tell me & DP, she pulled away from us a lot, though we suspected something was off. (The ex didn't like us, I was strident he was pussywhipped…)

We gat a call @ 3am she was locked in their bathroom with him trying to kick the door in screaming he was going to kill her.

The police that time were amazing.

Sadly despite her battered face broken ribs and 2frqctured fingers the CPS didn't follow through.

The policemen, yeap 2 guys were fucking furious and one of them actually said Later I can see why women don't report.

Saying all that our local minor injuries places is great. I'm a clumsy fucker, seriously. In the last 5 years ((2 broken fingers, ankle that appeared broken but was just badly sprained, broken wrist, 3 yes 3 broken toes and a broken rib)

Every time they have subtly got DP to leave the room and checked that I didn't have something else to tell them.
The ankle, wrist and one of the toes happened at work and even OH said they were starting to wonder.

So hopefully some attitudes are changing though with this government it feels like 1 step forward 3 back

[Phoebefromfriends]

This post is a heartbreaking reminder of the senseless violence women deal with everyday. My heart goes out to you OP and for the other posters who have suffered. It's so common but woefully under reported on the news. There is a strong focus on terrorism but you are statistically more likely to be killed by a partner or ex.

[Kr1stina]

Good post OP, I'm glad you don't have it removed. People need to know this is real.

And it happens to normal women with jobs in banks or shops or offices. Women just like us.

[PortiaCastis]

I was married to a violent man but I always thought and hoped things would get better or would change. My ex husband became a slave to alcohol and got into drunken rages where he'd be violent. One night although I didn't quite realise it at the time he had broken my arm so I grabbed dd and ran. Yes OP it's hard to type these things and even though I've been on my own for 7 years I still can't type everything. Good Luck OP I really hope things will improve for you and you'll find the strength to get through.

[SleepingTiger]

My heart goes out to all who are subject to violence. I feel humbled to hear their stories. And the woman from Cornwall whose eyes were gouged out by her ex, who picked herself up and just goes on. Speechless.
If I won the lottery tomorrow and there was an op to give her bionic eyes she would get every penny.

[KatieScarlett]

My mother was beaten by my father and left for dead. She made it, but her unborn child did not.
I will never forgive or forget.

[Kione]

My sister got beaten and raped by her ex exactly like this. She left him, he came round begging to come up, she let him in. He also threatened her with a knife, locked her in and took her keys. Thankfully he was drunk and fell into a deep sleep so she grabbed the keys and locked him in, went to a neighbors flat and called the police.
She was 26. He is free waiting for trial so she had to leave her job and move back to parents in another city. She is still not well at all nearly a year on.

[AnyFucker]

You did it, horray. Good for you

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Did you know that WA work with employers, training them to spot signs, break the silence and implement policies to help women in abusive relationships? It's mostly public sector and larger companies (such as banks) that have them but I am hoping that this will spread soon. They may be able to offer understanding, as well as increased protection while at work, salary advances and transfers if you leave.

[horrayforharoldlloyd]

AF - you helped me leave a DV relationship in 2013

[horrayforharoldlloyd]

2 a week

[Valentine2]

AnyFucker
Who is the other woman?

[ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess]

If a woman confides in a friend about domestic violence, and that friend tries to minimise it - I'm lost for words. Important thread to post, OP. It may help someone on here recognise their own treatment or that of a friend. So sorry for your loss.

[BeyondUnderthinking]

It's old, but relevant

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feminist_activism/1065291-Victims-of-Violence

op. I have been there too.

[GaryGilmoresEyes]

How many times do friends think people really walked into doors/ tripped over the dog/fell down the stairs?
It's not like they can catch it FFS.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

[GaryGilmoresEyes]

noeuf
No one wanted to listen or hear me when I was married to one.I would tell friends, start speaking, and they'd turn it into just being controlling, or tired, or drunk or something.It's so huge to hear. So I would say listen and don't try to make it okay
THIS ^
One of my friends said she hadn't been round as she'd rather not know.
I'm 500 miles away now after flitting one weekend. Left everything behind. I have some lasting health problems thanks to him but I'm alive. That what matters.

[Unicornsandrainbows3]

Like you OP I survived. I am free although it has taken years. Post separation abuse can be as horrendous as being in the relationship, it just often comes in a different form.

An acquaintance was not so lucky and her children are now motherless with a father in jail. It's just horrifying. I don't kow what the answer is to stopping it, to keeping women and their children safe.

I'm so sorry OP. Please look after yourself.

[salamislice]

I think it's really important to raise awareness and I wish it was covered more in the news and on TV. There also needs to be more concrete support in terms of finances, it's no good being understanding and educated when women are trapped in their situation because of lack of funds. I got out of a DV relationship when I was younger, but I remember reading accounts of DV in magazines so I recognised it quite early on although it took me years to leave. I had to escape with nothing but a couple of carrier bags and I'm still traumatised by the experience several decades on. I wish there was more understanding of the effect it has on women and how it can hold them back throughout their lives, so many people think that once they are out of the situation they can just move on quickly. People blame single mothers for being irresponsible, assuming their exes were deadbeats rather than violent potential murderers and have no idea that pursuing for child maintenance isn't always an option.

[Greaterexpectations]

So so sad, she was so young This is an important post though. These women need to be remembered. If their stories result in even 1 woman leaving an abusive relationship then that's potentially a life saved.

I read a similar post on FB written by a friend about a close friend of hers who was murdered by her husband. No one knew the situation she was in until the very worst happened. Education and awareness is so important.

[OurFlo]

Oh Op, have some

DV is horrifying and unfortunately all too common. I had a similar experience to yours about a year ago. Someone who worked in my organisation was murdered by her partner, just after she had summoned up the courage to leave him. I didn't know her personally, had met her once but it haunted me. He was jailed for her murder last year and the violence he inflicted on that poor woman was horrific.

I also know how hard it is to escape such a relationship, the cries of LTB, ring loud and you know you should...but something keeps you until it doesn't anymore. Somehow, and I wish I knew how, we need to find a way to understand what keeps the victims of abuse stuck in their situation, prevents them from breaking free. So many people know their situation is not right but just can't escape. I wish I could help.

[Destinysdaughter]

That's so sad. Statistically, 75% of women are murdered once they have left the relationship. It's such a dangerous time as the abuser has lost the power and control he had. Safety planning is really important as is having somewhere safe to go and why we need women's refuges. 2 women every week are killed by an abusive partner. It's a shocking fact and more needs to be done to stop it.