I fear for my wife.

[Sharkdiveruk]

Hello to all, I need some help.

My wife is having a tough time, both at work and in her head and I do not know what to do for the best.
Her health has taken a kicking and she does not like herself, doctors are not really helping, I tell her I love her and I hold her tight but it does not help.

I am at a loss of what to do next, it hurts me to see her fighting a battle at her job which is not of her making but the system is set in such a way to make you fail. She has strong morals which she wants to hold true to but the job will not let her do that.
She seams to get more depressed by the situation every day and all I can do is sit there and listen but even then she will not tell me everything.

She fears she will loose me and our child, but I tell her its not going to happen, she feels as if she is going to be put away and burst into tears.

I hold her tight and it hurts, I am lost as to what to do, I have had my dark times and my wife has been there for me and supported me but it is as if she thinks its her problem to sort out.

What do I do.

Thanks in advance.

[IcanMooCanYou]

Ok well if she really won't, and there's nothing actually stopping her quitting (like you need her wage) then just be there for her. Possibly gently explain that it's not just her it's have an affect on (but you know her better than us whether this might feel like a criticism to her or might just make her think of the wider impact her job is having on your relationship- don't know if you have kids)

And be there in practical ways: help point her towards avenues of support, house keeping, etc.

It's hard because in the midst of it, my DH organising something like a weekend away to 'forget it all' would have been the worst thing he could have done. A weekend without being able to catch up on work would have thrown me into absolute panic and I couldn't get away from it anyway as it was just my whole existence!

[DustyOwl]

I also knew she was a teacher. I feel for you both. We are hanging on in there at the moment, the thought of leaving makes me so happy but I know we can't afford it.

I agree, it's the little things that will help. (I was nearly welling up with gratitude today when DH cooked dinner and did the kitchen! Friday nights should not be like this.)

My school is toxic, the system is screwed anyway but if you don't have an understanding head it's horrible.

Good luck to you

[loxlinlee]

www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1031051796374478084#allposts/src=sidebar

I've write a blog all about it. Teaching is awful.
In the run up to leaving secondary teaching, I completely detached myself. I only did what was necessary and strived for adequate, doing only what management asked of me at the time. I set my working hours to 8-5.30 and stopped working at weekends. It saved my sanity for a time.
How about hiring a cleaner at home so that home is purely a place of relaxation for your wife, allowing her to switch off when not at work.
Sometimes it's the desire to do a great job in teaching that causes much of the problem as it's just so.impossible.

[Sharkdiveruk]

Well we had a good talk this weekend and a laugh, first time I have seen her laugh out loud in a while. She does agree that things could be better in a lot of areas and I could do with getting off the PC once in a while.

We talked about how she felt and where she wants to be. Taking time out from teaching is still off the books but we can manage on one wage, we did it before.

Her health is the most important to me and she is going back to the doctor, this time she wont take no for an answer!

To everyone here that has replied, thank you very much, it has been a great help.
this may sound daft but can some one answer one thing - what DH stand for or am I being a bit thick?

[caffelatte100]

DH = darling husband

[Sharkdiveruk]

yep, I was being thick

[TryingToStartOver]

While she is waiting for NHS counselling I recommend www.educationsupportpartnership.org.uk/helping-you

I know Sailaway has already posted a link but I thought I'd post it again to save you going back to find it. I used them extensively when my life was imploding, they were brilliant and between them and my union I was able to negotiate a deal to leave with enough leeway to allow me some recovery before having to find other work.

Your wife is lucky to have you supporting her. My stbx told me to snap out of it when I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and gave me a list of reasons why I shouldn't be depressed and was majorly pissed of when my GP recommended leaving my job. That said make sure you are looking after yourself too, you can't give if you are exhausted. Good luck to you both.

[Popskipiekin]

I don't teach and this made me well up a bit - for you, OP, who seem to be the very definition of darling husband for your wife struggling so hard in a profession which should be valued to the rafters; for all you other teachers out there in the same boat. I am so very sorry it is like that for all of you. I have two young sons and god help me if I don't appreciate the work their future teachers will be doing for them.
You've had good advice. I have been in a job I hated (long hours, crying every night with the stress of it). I left the industry but found I could use my skills elsewhere. Your wife is an expert in her field. Like I said, I don't teach so I'm spouting nonsense probably but...can she redirect her skills? Do some private tutoring? Downsize school? Leave management?

[JoJoSM2]

I think she would benefit from counselling either on the NHS or privately. She need to get a sense of perspective. That should help her with some resilience. At the moment, she seems to live and breath work and works herself up. She can't see wood for the trees, so to speak - she needs to start thinking of herself and her family and balance out other important things in life.