my husband has completely lost it

[saddlefish]

im sitting here because i cannot sleep. my husband of 5years and i were having problems ,arguing alot and decided after a particularly acrimonious argument that he would move out to give us both space. thursday he came over for dinner and to see our 1year old and we argued again and he left.. THe next day iIgot a facebook message from a women claiming to be my husbands new girlfriend..She has messaged me all day to the extent IHave had to leave work as Icouldn't cope. SHe is claiming my husband met her last night that he loves her now, that he wants to start afamily together, that he will bring her child up as his own. All after meeting her once! He has now blocked me on his phone changed his profile to in a relationship with this women
and will not talk if I ring using another. Imanaged to contact her mother as I did not know what else to do ,and it turns out she is 24and has autism. All her mother could say was why do Iwant him back. Well clearly i don't but Icannot grasp what has happened. My husband is seeing a clearly vulnerable women who is totally out of touch with reality. I am completely stunned and don't know what to do next. What has happened to him?

[ComeOnSpring]

Sorry OP.

Keep records of everything as it all sounds very whimsical, so he might suddenly decide on another life path as quickly as this one.

[Ledkr]

He sounds like he's about 14!
To be honest I'd find this all most unattractive and be rejoicing that he's gone.
I'd literally block them both and get in with your new life free from idiots.
Don't even engage with them and if he wants to see dd it needs to be supervised (by someone else) he's shown a very deep instability in this behaviour and I'd not trust him with dd. I really wouldn't.

[WateryTart]

Save your sympathy, OP. If this woman was considered very vulnerable she wouldn't have custody of her DC. It's going to get very messy, so extract yourself and see a solicitor ASAP.

He deserves all he's going to get and so does she, frankly.

[lizzyj4]

Screenshot everything they've sent you so far, then block this woman. Just don't engage at all. Concentrate on sorting out childcare and a solicitor, and making sure your finances are protected.

[frumpet]

Protect yourself , your finances and your future . Keep a record of everything that has been sent to you via social media etc . I am so sorry this is happening to you

[Finola1step]

What an awful situation. I can inly agree with others. Screen shot everything and keep as potential evidence. Focus on el support and keeping things settled for dd. Speak to a solicitor.

[Graphista]

So sorry you're going through this. I went through something similar. Made me feel sick to my stomach!

Best advice is block her, communicate with him only as far as ABSOLUTELY necessary, protect yourself financially and legally.

I would be very surprised if this has all come about as a result of them 'just meeting' my ex tried that crap - kinda buggered him that the following week she found out she was pregnant! He also initially tried to tell me that baby was over 2 months early!

Try and get a few days off work to get yourself organised if you can.

[DaphneDeLaFontaine]

Be very glad and move on.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Frenchlavender, the OW's mother hasn't though. If that was my child taking up with a man after one day I'd be doing my damnedest to protect my GC. Especially if my daughter was vulnerable and lacked the ability to make safe judgements of others. She has said "why would you want him back?"

Yes, I completely agree with others, get legal advise. Personally, I'd be flagging up my concerns with SS as well. This way, your concerns are logged not only regarding your now EX, but also concerns around the safety of a vulnerable adult and her child. You kill two birds with one stone. It will also stand you in good stead if he tries to go for full custody.

Yes, agreed...rolling up on the OW's doorstep won't be a wise move. Could be perceived as harassment on OP's part. Not my brightest suggestion granted.

[Yeahfine]

How did they meet op?

[BeyondThePage]

get financial ducks in a row

screenshot everything

block her

step away from her and her mother. Going looking for her mother, checking with someone on facebook because it is an unusual surname etc sounds stalkerish and I would be careful - who knows who has screenshotted stuff that you have written.

[FrenchLavender]

Misery All you know at the moment is that the mother refuses to cooperate or engage too much with the OP. You don't know what she is doing behind the scenes to protect her DD.

And regardless, we don't actually know how vulnerable she is. As we are constantly being reminded, autism is a spectrum and one person with autism is just that - one person. Plenty of posters will be downright offended if you assume they or their children were automatically vulnerable as a result of ASD, and not capable of behaving 'normally'' in a relationship or of parenting their child. because of autism. Plenty of people will argue that autism makes you differently able, not disabled.

And let's not forget that there are women WITHOUT autism who suffer from an alarming lack of boundaries, emotional immaturity and MH problems that might cloud their judgement or affect their conduct at times like this. Let the OW's friends and family who know her best worry about her, not the OP. Not her circus, not her monkeys.

[FrenchLavender]

Yes I must admit, as alarming as all this weird bombarding the OP with messages was, contacting her mother was a strange thing to do.

[Isetan]

What should you do? Get all your ducks in a row, sort childcare independent of your H, protect yourself financially and disengage from the idiot. This woman isn't your responsibility, she has someone in her life who knows what's going on, so leave it to them.

I know your heads reeling right now and you want answers but they don't reside with your halfwit H. It will all come out in the wash in the end but in the meantime your focus needs to be on you and your child, his current behaviour will come back to bite him but it might take a while.

Formalise communication (everything needs to be in writing) and step away from FB.

[yaela123]

And let's not forget that there are women WITHOUT autism who suffer from an alarming lack of boundaries, emotional immaturity and MH problems that might cloud their judgment or affect their conduct at times like this.

This!

For now, OP, concentrate on yourself and your DD.

Screenshot the messages

Sort out finances

If you can, get a lawyer. Or contact the CAB

Be kind to yourself

We are here for you

Do you have RL support?

What a horrid thing to have to go through

[yaela123]

Whoops! wrong quote

And regardless, we don't actually know how vulnerable she is. As we are constantly being reminded, autism is a spectrum and one person with autism is just that - one person. Plenty of posters will be downright offended if you assume they or their children were automatically vulnerable as a result of ASD, and not capable of behaving 'normally'' in a relationship or of parenting their child. because of autism. Plenty of people will argue that autism makes you differently able, not disabled.

And let's not forget that there are women WITHOUT autism who suffer from an alarming lack of boundaries, emotional immaturity and MH problems that might cloud their judgment or affect their conduct at times like this.

[HappyFlappy]

alarming as all this weird bombarding the OP with messages was, contacting her mother was a strange thing to do.

French - this has come out of the blue for the OP - one moment she is living a normal life - the next she is the object of abuse and vitriol (and so is her child) and her husband has left her.

It may/may not be what most people would do, but she will have been in shock - especially when it wasn't just one text saying "I'm your husband's girlfriend" but a series of nasty and vindictive ones.

But I do agree that you should step back from her and her comments and block her OP - have no more contact with her or her family. Protect your child and yourself.

Presumeably if he has "just met her" he won't have taken much from the house. Stick his stuff into bin bags and have it ready for him to collect when he comes for it.

Take all money out of joint accounts and put it into one in your name if this is possible. If you already have an account in your name only, this shouldn't be a problem.

Get at much information and evidence as you can - you may never need to use it, but better to have it than not need it than need it and not have it.

[Bluntness100]

Sadly, op I think it's worse than you suspect, as I would guess he is using this woman, using her to get at you, to try to make you jealous, whatever. He's clearly not being honest with her. He's used her vulnerability to ensure she's involved in his sick mind game.

And that is worse. That he would do such a thing. I'd just ignore her messages and communicate with him in the minimum and seek legal advice. I wouldn't block her, simply because I'd want to know what she has to say, but I wouldn't respond either.

[SheldonsSpot]

All this has done is confirm what a giant knob your husband is.

The woman is 24, she has a child - vulnerable my arse, block her and leave her to it.

My child would not be going near either her or the husband.

Contact cms to apply for maintenance and crack on with divorce proceedings asap.

[ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing]

Have you actually heard from your HL? Way out there but is there possibly chance his account has been hacked??

[Bluntness100]

The woman is 24, she has a child - vulnerable my arse, block her and leave her to it.

[Chops2016]

that he hates us both

As in he hates you AND 1 year old DD? What scum says that about a baby? This woman has done you a favour taking him off your hands..

Some really good advice on here. I agree, please focus on yourself and your daughter. He isn't worth your energy. Get your finances in order - protect any joint money you have and get all your documents together. Birth certificate, mortgage documents, bank statements, marriage certificate etc.

I agree with the previous poster who said he is clearly using this woman to make you feel jealous (why else have a 3-way conversation like you described?). So he is obviously the spiteful sort- even more reason to protect yourself. I would expect him to play dirty and generally be as awkward as possible.

Keep a copy of all the correspondence you have had and definitely block this OW. id block your husband on FB but would be wary of blocking him completely, this may be twisted as you blocking contact with DD. I would send him 1 final text saying I will only discuss issues relating to childcare from now on and everything else will be ignored. And STICK TO IT. Do not rise to any bait.

So sorry this has happened to you but eventually you will find you are better off without him. Leave him to his childish games. This OW will not last. Forget about them. Safeguarding is not your problem.

[SheldonsSpot]

Nope, not buying the "vulnerable" excuse at all.

The husband has met this woman and declare himself in a relationship with her after 1 day.

The husband was in on these messages telling the OP that he hates her and their daughter.

The husband has blocked the OP on Facebook/phone and is refusing to speak to her.

What the woman has done is no better or worse but she's vulnerable and he's a twat? Nah not buying it, they're both gobshites, no excuses.

[RebootYourEngine]

I would be seeing a solicitor and starting divorce proceedings. She sounds unhinged. If he isnt unhinged then he is taking advantage of a vulnerable person. I wouldnt want him anywhere near my child.

[Bluntness100]

The mother said she was autistic, my default position would be the mother wouldn't lie about that, although clearly it's possible.

The question then is does being autistic make you vulnerable, and based on the way she's behaving I'd say yes, she is vulnerable.