my husband has completely lost it

[saddlefish]

im sitting here because i cannot sleep. my husband of 5years and i were having problems ,arguing alot and decided after a particularly acrimonious argument that he would move out to give us both space. thursday he came over for dinner and to see our 1year old and we argued again and he left.. THe next day iIgot a facebook message from a women claiming to be my husbands new girlfriend..She has messaged me all day to the extent IHave had to leave work as Icouldn't cope. SHe is claiming my husband met her last night that he loves her now, that he wants to start afamily together, that he will bring her child up as his own. All after meeting her once! He has now blocked me on his phone changed his profile to in a relationship with this women
and will not talk if I ring using another. Imanaged to contact her mother as I did not know what else to do ,and it turns out she is 24and has autism. All her mother could say was why do Iwant him back. Well clearly i don't but Icannot grasp what has happened. My husband is seeing a clearly vulnerable women who is totally out of touch with reality. I am completely stunned and don't know what to do next. What has happened to him?

[GeekyWombat]

Just a random thought... How many friends does this OW and her mother have on Facebook. Are you sure it's not some kind of headfuckery catfishing on your husband's part to set up a fake profile for 'another woman' and then use it to poke and upset you with all the nonsense he's saying?

I appreciate that either way your husband has most definitely lost it, but all may not be as it seems.

for you either way OP as whatever happens it's a shitty situation. Just be gentle with yourself and make you and your DD your priority,

[NotStoppedAllDay]

So she was a one night stand then. Guessing that's how they met

His driving force behind this will likely to be sex.

If he's a full time sahd he probably doesn't work, so there will be no maintenance

[differentnameforthis]

IamFriedSpam Unfortunately yes, at least two would. Much to the shame of our family.

One sister hooked up with a guy who was with his pregnant girlfriend, he left her within a few days, and my sister was pregnant within weeks. She did NOTHING but (publically - it was all on fb to see) blame his girlfriend for wrecking his life, etc. Not within 2 days, granted, but a few weeks.

Sad thing is, he has moved on from my sister, and is with someone else who is now pregnant..yet, my sister STILL blames the original girlfriend.

It's called being narcissistic and not taking responsibility!

[ShowMeWhatYouGot]

This is a strange situation

Please just keep safe, you & your daughter are #1, don't waste time on their childish games x

Hope your over the shock x

[Spring2016]

Please excuse all those ^ errors.

[Spring2016]

Shocking when you think you know somebody and they do something like thus, it is so seedy. No matter sho she us, her actions show she has no sense whatsoever. As for him, well his actions speak volumns. I am glad you found out while your child is so young, so they won't have to remember this fighting and him betraying you, and his bad choices, when they are older. Good about the house too.

[Bloopbleep]

Both saying one thng doesn't make it a reality OP. It would be extremely strange that they both just met one day and he leaves his family and joins her that same day. Maybe they've been talking online for months?

Echoing others being autistic doesn't have to mean vulnerable. Why did you look for her mother? Who does that? It's like I'm telling your mum on you? And this was before the autism came out? There's something odd about that behaviour. Something is missing

Ow does sound very juvenile but maybe she's only repeating what your ex is saying to her. In the end she's being horrible but the problem you have is with your ex and his behaviour towards you- he's letting her do this because he's too cowardly or he's enjoying the drama. Block the ow after taking copies of all the messages for your solicitor.

Get your ex out of your life sounds like you'd be much better off without him.

[EnormousTiger]

Did you take legal advice witht he parents'; gift? I am afraid that as you are married it doesn't matter whose name a property is in so it might well be split 50/50 whereas had the parents made it a loan not a gift you might be quids in. Do speak to a solicitor about it.

Iti s possible if you and your husband at the time both had separate solicitors and advice you drew up a binding "post nup" arrangement over the house however or may be you aren't married just living together which makes things different (although you say husband above).

[Funnyonion17]

Wow. So sorry op. Does he have MH difficulties? His behaviour is as bad as hers, I understand she's Autistic but were is
His reasoning and logic.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Do you know where he was staying from Thursday onwards? The majority of people plan their exist. Sometimes months in advance. Has he ever left before? Does he suffer with his MH?

[Miserylovescompany2]

I'd be getting legal advice forthwith and getting all my own ducks in a line. Can your parents help with childcare short term? This would give you the opportunity to look into nursery or other childcare possibilities?

Does he have access to a joint account? Were you the only one working in the household?

He'll soon find out where his studity leaves him...that's his problem now!

[saddlefish]

I t was definitely only a day they both confirmed it. He left on Thursday evening and met on the Saturday and she messaged me on Sunday morning.

[saddlefish]

yes i thought i knew my husband well but i obviously didn't know him at all. No there is no possibility of him returning. We bought our first house this year and I am so grateful my parents made me protect the deposit money which was a gift from them and was significant. He only owns 1% and i own 99% which is 1% more than he deserves as he has never contributed anything. I have the accounts in my name as he is so poor with money thank goodness

[FellOutOfBed2wice]

They can't have met yesterday. This has got to have been an ongoing affair? Have you ever suspected your husband of being on the spectrum?

[August1984]

Are you sure she hasn't got hold of his phone and is posting all this? NOT making excuses for him, i'd say get in with a solicitor today, bag up his stuff, drop it at his parents (let them know the exact details), protect your money (my ex drained our joint account so this is sound advice) and block block block all of them. But i also wonder if "i hate both of you" doesn't sound more like her voice then his? I mean you know him OP, 5 years is no short time. Could he really have said that about his own child?

[PollytheDolly]

This met yesterday thing doesn't make sense, even if he has lost the plot.

Do you think he's playing mind games (sick mind games) and she's assisting with this and they're not together at all?

[SituationNormalAllFuctup]

I'm with Sheldons Gobshites. No more and no less.

[EnormousTiger]

I suspect he will want to come back once he realises things are not that much fun apart from you and the 1 year old. Do you want him back?

[IamFriedSpam]

differentnameforthis I can't believe your younger sisters really behave as this woman has - they would meet a married man and within a day decide that he was going to be a father to their child then message the man's current wife incessantly to say so.

Of course being autistic could be totally irrelevant (I have an autistic friend who is married, planning kids and maintaining a career - her autism doesn't make her vulnerable) but the fact her mother mentioned it suggests that it does affect her ability to judge situations like this.

[AshesandDust]

Get mad, get busy and get thee to a divorce lawyer.

[Chickoletta]

Block her messages, contact a solicitor or CAB.

How on earth did you end up with this awful man in the first place?

[differentnameforthis]

Being autistic doesn't automatically make you vulnerable. I know a few autistic women are they not vulnerable at all!

Women can act like this woman without being vulnerable. I have younger sisters, and they way they behave on fb is not dissimilar to this, and they are not vulnerable, or autistic.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Frenchlavender, I have two children on the ASD spectrum myself. I am not saying that someone on the spectrum can not bring up a child. My comments on the woman's vulnerability were based of her poor lack of judgement in this scenario not her overall ability to parent. For all I know, this woman could be living independently with her child? Or she could be living with her mother?

Not even OP, knows the full facts? Of the OW's situation.

What we do know is that the OW bombarded OP with messages. Bizarre messages at that. If you took away the knowledge of the ASD part, you'd think the person was unhinged.

[Bluntness100]

The mother said she was autistic, my default position would be the mother wouldn't lie about that, although clearly it's possible.

The question then is does being autistic make you vulnerable, and based on the way she's behaving I'd say yes, she is vulnerable.

[RebootYourEngine]

I would be seeing a solicitor and starting divorce proceedings. She sounds unhinged. If he isnt unhinged then he is taking advantage of a vulnerable person. I wouldnt want him anywhere near my child.