How do you honestly feel about being a mum to young children?

[1wokeuplikethis]

Because I don't know if I'm normal.

I have two children aged 4 and 1 and I absolutely adore them. I want their days with me to be varied, interesting and loving. I am a SAHM by choice and this is a recent decision. My children are very loving and well behaved and fun. Not many tantrums from the older one and the baby is not especially clingy like his sister was, unless he is ill.

It's just that i find the days very long and completely knackering. I am constantly busy with them and the house and don't have chance to sit down. The most relaxing part of each day is if I drive us somewhere and can drink a take out coffee in the car. I want them to eat varied and healthy food but the littlest only likes toast and anything carby at the mo; chips, Yorkshire puds, fish fingers, cake, raisins, altho he will eat peas, banana and apple. I'm good at doing organised tasks with my eldest (sound like Monica from friends) eg painting, crafting, bracelet making, baking, reading. But I'm shit at pretend play. And she always wants me to join in. I try my best but feel so distracted by the stuff that needs doing (cleaning, washing, cooking, changing bums, going somewhere) that I think I let her down.

I am not fun. I am worn out and boring.

My littlest has just started nursery one day a week, so I have one day a week that is my own and I feel tremendous guilt. We haven't said I'm never going back to work so feel like I should be doing something great like training or writing a book but all I want to do is read and nap. And not get up off the sofa for q few hours. But at the same time I miss them terribly and feel depressed by the silence.

I keep thinking, when I was at work I found parts of the day boring, tedious, stressful and if it's OK to look forward to going home or lunch break at work, surely it's ok to look forward to nap time or bedtime at home? But I feel so guilty. I chose to stay at home with them and I should jolly well enjoy every second and stop feeding them fish fingers and saying 'in a minute darling'.

I love them so much but I am just so tired, and lots of the time, bored. I have jobs to do, namely making several meals a day for them and my husband when he gets in, but there's not much fun in them.
My favourite parts are cuddling them, watching a film together, going out to see friends with them, swimming, either an activity or a cuddly time.

Am I normal or am I depressed? I do feel quite down and tearful about it. Being so torn between adoring them and tearing my hair out with frustration. And 95% guilt at all times. It's exhausting.

[MumUndone]

Absolutely, completely normal.

[nigelforgotthepassword]

I clearly remember a day when mine were about 3 and 1.5. H was decorating dd1s bedroom-it had to be done that say as we were having a carpet put down the next.we had a friend round helping him and I had the kids downstairs.dd1 wouldn't stop tantrumming to go upstairs to her dad, which of course was the one place she couldn't go.It got to 5pm
And the friend was leaving. H was still painting. I sat at the bottom of the stairs with dd1 still screaming and I don't think I'd ever felt that tired or as trapped as when I watched our friend happily skipping down our garden path.
The endless drudge of it. But now they are bigger it's great most of the time-and the bits that aren't are more infuriating momentarily (pre teen angst/cheek) rather than things that just wear you out.

[melonribena]

I'msticking, you have just described my experience with a 4 year old and a 5mth old.
I hate that I'm always telling ds1 to be gentle, not get in his face etc. I try so hard to be positive with him too

[sconebonjovi]

You sound like an absolutely wonderful mum! I only have one DC, who's 3, and I'm sitting next to her on Mumsnet whilst she paints. I bloody hate crafts and find a lot of the stuff that comes with having a small child a bit mind numbingly boring. I love her more than life itself though!

[Gowgirl]

10, 4 & 2 , its chaos, I'm knackered and cooking dinner and have been on bedtime count down since 3pm but summer is coming, and I'm a much better mum when the suns out because while they are in a park sandpit they are not destroying my house

[justwanttoweeinpeace]

You are completely normal.

[Funnyonion17]

You sound like you could be me! All normal!

[Yeahfine]

It's unanimous!

[Duskybluebell]

When dd was 3 we always met a friend with same age child for coffee/library/park on a saturday morning. We both worked full time so that was our organised kids activity for the week I remember once, about 9.30 am, my friend looked at me and asked 'do you ever find yourself counting the hours till bedtime' and of course the answer was yes.
It's very normal. As a pp said, no one enjoys every part of their job, whatever it is. And everyone is entitled to a day off, so enjoy it.

[Cosmicglitterpug]

2 and 3 year old here, SAHM. The best parts of my day are nap time and bed time. And the best day of the week is the day both are at nursery. It IS dull and it IS relentless.
We ve been at soft play today and mooching at home. That's plenty for this age group imo. Don't worry and don't feel guilty.

[ElspethFlashman]

I was literally reading your OP going

Yep

Yep

Yep

Yep......

You might benefit from checking out Hurrah for Gin. It's meant to be funny of course but by God the bits about food resonated! It's fucking Waffles or nothing in this house.

[Cricrichan]

Yep, normal. It does get a lot easier .

[Jazzywazzydodah]

All normal !

Don't be so hard on yourself - if both kids are still alive at the end of the day then you're done a great job!


My top tips are :

1. don't try and be perfect with their diet. Fed is bette then nothing
   
   
2. don't try and be perfect with the house. You will still tidy the same shit the next day!
   
   
3. always always always find time for yourself - schedule it in, get a sitter anything so that you have at least three periods of time away from the kids - even if it's half an hour run.
   
   Don't let it grind you down

[1wokeuplikethis]

Wow. I am so glad I posted on here, I was not expecting such a reassuring response or for so many people to say they feel the same.

I'm a big fan of hurrah for gin and unmumsy mum and other tongue in cheek bloggers/writers of that ilk, because it resonates and my approach is also to try and laugh at a bad situation. But they are very confident in saying stuff with young children is boring/infuriating/shit and owning it and being unapologetic, which I admire. I try to do it but instead of going HAR HAR I go, oh that is awful. I am awful. It could all be taken away from me tomorrow.

I love the Tim from the office quote and thank you to those who have said I am doing a good job. I wish I had the confidence to agree, maybe it will come with more practice. I will certainly check out the link also, will have a proper look when the kiddos are at nursery as it might help take the edge off my guilt.

At work, and I have always worked, I have blagged and tried and gotten away with the bare minimum at times. And always moaned about dickheads I work with and begrudged some parts of whatever job it was. And I suppose I am kind of doing that in my current 'job' as a SAHM but the guilt at doing/feeling those is new. And horrible. The pp who said I don't have to enjoy every second because it's the better choice, thank you- that is a fantastic way to think about it. I will keep that in mind.

You are also all right about summer being here. I am sick of softplay, libraries and supermarkets. I can't wait to be sick of parks, paddling pools and picnics instead!

Thank you all anyway. This has given me a good boost and some food for thought x

[GiraffesAndButterflies]

"Am I normal or am I depressed" - you can be both. And depression is not necessarily some interior demon rising up apparently from nowhere. It can also be a perfectly rational response to a depressing situation. If you are doing something boring, day after day, and berating yourself for not enjoying it, well then yes you might well be depressed.

That's not to say I don't completely agree with all the PPs, but it could be worth looking up the symptoms of depression and seeing how much of it correlates.

FWIW, I have a 4yo and a 1yo and I was nodding along with your OP. I fucking hate pretend play and if/when I get time off I do something utterly useless and unproductive and I stifle any guilt with alcohol. Cheers.

[4amInsomniac]

My children are a bit older, but I always say that the months and years watching young children grow & develop are wonderful ... but goodness me, the hours and minutes are long and boring!

[CruCru]

This is completely normal. I am just coming out the other side (have a 5 and 3 year old) and remember telling my MIL (who is very nice) that I will be a great mum to seven year olds but find very young children really hard.

So when they have a project on Henry VIII or the Great Fire of London, I will be super! Just not when they are lying face down on the pavement because the moon isn't visible. That bit I'm not very good at.

[Ellieboolou27]

NORMAL I'm the same and have dd's same age as yours.
Two at such a young age is relentless, I love mine to bits but once 7pm comes I just want them in bed!

[glueandstick]

I have a one year old. I did not say a silent prayer and crack open a Viognier when she didn't nap all day and went to bed at 4pm.

The days are relentless. She's utterly loved and looked after but my goodness it's hard work. Bloody hard work.

You are not alone.

[melonribena]

I'm glad you posted this op! It's made me feel better too!!

[ElspethFlashman]

I heard a brilliant quote about parenting the other day: "You can't get it right - you can just get it DONE"

Myself and DH have been saying it to ourselves ever since. Helps a lot.