Moving away from kids dad - what now?

[Poppy1978]

Hi everyone,

I'm moving to Croydon next weekend, to be nearer my bf. It's all very scary, leaving everyone I know here in Norfolk.
Apart from the ex, who I can't wait to leave of course!

My relationship with me ex husband ended with me going to a refuge and has been messy since. We've been seperated over 2 years. Contact has settled at every other weekend, but now I'm moving this is unlikely to be possible, especially as neither of us drive.

Have any other mums been in this situation, and could perhaps offer me some advice?

I can't say I'm bothered if he dissapears off the face of the earth, and the kids are quite young so prob not too many questions there.

However, I really don't know how to tell him. He is ok with the kids, but violent towards me, so I avoid him as much as poss. I seriously tempted to simply write to the solicitor. The ex doesn't even have a telephone number.

The other query is, where do we go from here. He is not allowed in my property, so I don't know how we are going to arrange access. Can I been made to take the kids up to him? I'm on income support, so this could be difficult.

Thanks,

Poppy

[Poppy1978]

Thank you for all your advice and support. I will get away first, and then tell him and see what happens from there.

mummytoseven, that might be the best idea, if I can find someone to supervise, or a contact center. My concern over rare visits was that I am sure he will expect to take the kids home with him during his weeks off.

Hopefully there may be another solution and if it goes to court they would recognise that his solution would be unfair stress on the children.

[tammybear]

poppy1978 - in my situation, i leave it down to exp to come to see dd, as because of the distance, its no point me taking dd up to see him as its a 3 hour drive and she doesnt do well on long drives. exp doesnt have parental responsibility or anything or though he thought if he got it, he can do whatever he wants (idiot). i know its a very difficult position to be in. it was my exp choice to move away, so its really up to him to make the effort. do the courts know you're moving in the sense of exps access, as im presuming they would have to alter it wouldnt they? if i were you, i would get your current solicitor to write to exp, that way if you're worried of him turning violent on you, you're not there. sorry if im not much help

[aloha]

Believe me, Beety, as the wife of someone with a child from a previous relationship, I'm normally strongly in favour of dads having proper, meaningful contact with their kids. I think it's important and really good for children even if the parents can't stand the sight of each other - but that's provided the dad is a decent person who isn't violent. I just think violence changes everything.

[Poppy1978]

Hi tammybear, so far the courts haven't been involved, though funding was granted to take it to court.
dd is very bad on long journeys, gets very travelsick, so I guess it wouldn't be unreasonable for me to require exp to come down to me. I hadn't thought of that

[tammybear]

ah, well we arranged exp's visits ourselves, but we do have arguements over him having dd at his. my hv suggested with that, that i should go to courts regarding access but exp has agreed that hell wait until i think dd is ready.

[lottylouloopy]

Hi all,

Me and my partner have decided we want to move to a new house closer to our family this means that my children will have to move school and nursery but they will be living closer to their grandparents, i told there dad of this news today and he is not overly impressed to say the least, we are moving about 15 miles away from where we live now so not that far the kids will see their dad alternate weekends as they always have and i have offered to drop and collect the kids to their dad so he doesn't have to travel the extra distance.

I think i am being reasonable here as this move is not affecting his regular contact with the kids one bit and i'm not even expecting him to go out of his way to collect them but he is being awkward and says he will try to stop the move and get custody of our children himself.

Does anybody know if it is possible for him to stop us moving or getting custody of the kids ?? ( my children are 3 and 5 haven't lived with their dad for 2 years and are very happy living with me) any advice would be much appreciated.

[Snorbs]

You might be better off starting a new thread for this but, essentially, a court won't give a damn about a 15 mile move particularly if you're offering to facilitate contact.

The only times a court really cares much about moves are where the court suspects the reason for the move is to frustrate contact, or where the move would take the children outside the jurisdiction of the court (eg to a different country - England to Scotland counts).

If your ex has Parental Responsibility then he does have a right to be consulted about changing schools but he can't insist that your children stay where they are. The most he can do is apply to court for a Prohibited Steps Order but as your move seems to be for good reason (so you've got the support of your family) and it's really not far, I seriously doubt he'd get a judge to agree that you shouldn't move.

In general, dads only get sole residency either a) by agreement, b) by death or abandonment by the mother, c) where the mother is demonstrably unfit (eg injecting heroin into her eyeballs) or, occasionally, d) where the mother has a long history of ignoring court-ordered contact. As you've already got an agreed contact schedule that you are willing to maintain, he's not got a hope.

[lottylouloopy]

Thankyou so much for your help with this it has put my mind at ease.