I am at my wits end with my exh. Brief history - Unhappy in marriage for a good few years. ExH spoke to me like crap, made me feel like crap, usually in front of the kids. Completely loveless and sexless relationship. We had separate rooms for last few years. We were together for 20+ years. I grieved for relationship two years ago and tried to leave then but was not brave enough to do it. He would never leave the house and I had nowhere for me and the children to go. Anyway early last year I told him again I was leaving after a disastrous family holiday where i was treated awfully. I fell over and he laughed at me and wouldn't help me up and laughed at me in front of the children. Spoke to me badly where my son actually begged me to do something about it.
He talked me out of leaving again. Told me I wouldn't cope on my own etc. A month later after a crazy move I started talking to someone online. I then made the decision to do it, rented a house with my children and left. This was 11 months ago. I have supported myself and my children and ex h has them 40% of the time. I am still with the man I was talking to online. We took it very slowly and he now has a very good relationship with my children which has started recently. My children come before everything.
Me and exh have an awful relationship nearly a year on and it has taken its toll. He didn't see it coming. I don't think he ever thought I would leave. Time and time again the children come home saying I have upset their dad and my eldest used to say he wished I was dead. They know their dad hates me. They are not allowed to even mention my name in his house and my youngest is only 5. Everytime I get my children happy again after spending time with me then something will happen and they will see their dad and come back with a head full of confusion. They are going away this week with him and my youngest is upset because in his head its his dads fault because if he wasn't mean I would be going. In my eldest eyes it’s my fault for being a quitter and I should be able to take it. What do I do with that? Every bit of happiness I get backfires on me and I feel like I take 2 steps forward and ten steps back as if exH finds out he reacts which effects the children. He still talks to me like crap and makes Demands. He will talk to me like shit in front of the children. I am still scared of him. He will have no contact with me if he can help it and I feel so stressed by it all. The kids aren't allowed to ring me. I am allowed to speak to them twice this week by arrangement but that is unusual.
I have put off divorcing because he will not accept blame and I don't want to cause anymore upset. I don't even claim maintenance.
What do I do please?
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Relationships
Don't know what to do about ex h
Tingatingatale · 20/02/2017 10:06
Your ex is emotionally abusing your children and you really need to do something about it before it causes them irreversible harm (if it hasn't already). You need to go back to see your solicitor and get some advice about what to do next.
In the meantime, document as much as you can about what the children have said in the past when they've returned from seeing your ex. Make sure you also write down stuff they may say in the future.
Honestly if I were you, I would stop them from going to see him if he fills their heads with shit during the week away. My sister and I were placed in this situation after my parents divorced. What your ex is doing is completely unforgivable and could really damage them long term. He is being incredibly selfish and abusive. Do not let him confuse your poor children. Apply to a contact centre if needs be. Show him you are serious and will not tolerate this shit for the sake of your children. Good luck 
Sympathy for the ex, are you posters actually serious?!
So this man was emotionally abusive, OP left him, he's continuing to be abusive and now involving DC in the whole mess and he deserves sympathy. Right.
He sounds like an asshole and I'm glad you've found someone who makes you happy OP .
You really need to speak to your solicitor again with a view to possibly having your children for more of the time. His behaviour is damaging them. Perhaps try meditation as you cannot proceed to court without this unless there's been domestic violence. Has there? You could also try contacting Parentline. Would recommend having minimal contact with the man as other posters have suggested.
Good luck OP.
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