My husband and I have separated, although we remain under the same roof for now. Things are fairly civil at the moment, which I'm pleased about for the children's sakes. I feel like I'm moving forward in my life - I will hopefully be buying my husband out of our shared property, he wants to buy somewhere local so he can still be a hands on Dad (which I'm pleased about) and so actually I should be really happy about it all.
The trouble is, I'm actually on a massive rollercoaster. I posted previously about my OM, how I'd been planning on leaving my husband for a long time before OM came on the scene, but I realised I needed to focus on my home situation before meeting anyone new. I ended things with him before Christmas, went NC, I was sad but felt ok-ish. However, returning to work in the new year (we work together) just proved so difficult. My whole 'new' life is dependent on me keeping this job and the good income (not to mention school-friendly hours) that go with it. Things have somewhat restarted with OM but I feel rubbish. I have feelings for him that are not reciprocated and I feel so torn up inside. I'm quite a tactile person and really am no good in my own company, and yet somehow I'm going to have to get used to being on my own, no hugs, no kisses, no one to talk to. The OM actually helped me a fair bit in terms of being a rock to lean on/shoulder to cry on when things with my alcoholic husband were bad, so in that sense it was more than just sex, but I know we don't have a future and I'm starting to feel pretty scared. About being alone, about never meeting anyone else. I have 4 young children, I only have one good friend and I won't be able to join clubs/socialise as I will be primary carer for the children due to my husband's long working hours/trips away for work.
Can someone tell me there is a light at the end of this tunnel? I have made contact with some agencies to try to find another job, but I would have to give 3 months notice so I have got to somehow cope with seeing OM every day for at least the next 3 months. I need to be strong for the children to help them through the separation and yet inside I'm crying all the time. I feel like I need to get a grip, but I just can't.
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Can't move on from OM
20 replies
Whathappensnowthen · 04/02/2017 20:22
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