Feel horrible to write this down, but..

[WhereIsThePilot]

I'm 24. DS is almost 2. Married DH after knowing him for less than two years when I was 21. In hindsight there were several red flags but I was young and naive and agreed to marry him anyway. Then had DS 9months after the wedding. DS is the best thing that ever happened to me.

However I have this awful feeling now all the time that, I got married too young, too hastily and missed out on a lot. I had to give up a promising career to have him and now I can't seem get back into it. He doesn't sleep at night so who knows if I'd even survive working as well. DH was initially amazing and on the surface is lovely but has occasionally blown up at me and had rants about how awful I am as a person and, most recently, as a parent. My family are forever saying how much of a wonderful man he is which is fine as he mostly is but particularly DM thinks I shouldn't complain about his little outbursts. Also me and his mum don't see eye to eye; we manage to rub along but she loves her passive aggressive digs at me, as well as DH not liking my mother.

Honestly I feel stuck in a huge rut, a life I didn't particularly intend to have. What on earth can I do? Ride it out? Will things change when DS is older? Thanks if you read my self indulgent ramble.

[WhereIsThePilot]

Dadaist yes it does ring true a lot.
I'm extremely fed up and several smallish incidents with DH have made me rethink everything. Only I can change that though, so it's job hunting and general life sorting out, to feel better.

[Dadaist]

Well - it's so common to let several small things get stored up - and we can all do it. Maybe try to look at things one at a time on their own merit- and see what you can walk past, what you need to talk about and what you need to do something about. Fwiw OP - you and DH are having to recalibrate in so many areas of your lives, with a young DS taking up time and emotion and energy and each of you finding how to keep all the balls in the air. And as soon as you start to lose touch with one another it can lead to storing resentment, misunderstanding, over thinking things, and we react to stresses in different ways. It sounds to me as if DH keeps a lid on things and then it just all comes out in a rant, while you start to bundle everything together as one big pile of impossible to move shit, and it weighs you down. And when you aren't happy - it will affect everything around you. I wouldn't give up on your marriage just yet - from what you've said, it's all combined with becoming a mother, giving up work, and not being young and free all of a sudden. But that's not all DHs fault! You've both moved fast, but just to a phase of life you were heading - and whatever you think you've missed out on is either overrated or still there for you.
So, cut everything up into more bite size pieces again, see them for what they are and try to deal with them separately- the family relations, the job search, DH relationship, and childcare to afford yourself some quality time time out. And maybe take DH have some fun for goodness sake! Good luck!

[DistanceCall]

You're only 24 - you're so young! You WILL find work and you WILL find another partner, if that is what you want.

Don't waste your only life in an unhappy marriage. You made a mistake, but have a wonderful son as a result. Now get out and be happy.

If you give us some details about your professional situation, perhaps MNtters can give you suggestions about how to get back in the career path?

[Christmasmice]

Divorce can be damaging for children op. It rather depends on the child and how the parents handle it. However there are lots of children who are absolutely fine after divorce.

There are probably very few who are fine seeing their parents in an unhappy relationship.

You sound so unhappy. You don't have to be in any relationship you don't want to be in and you don't even really need a reason to leave. Do what's right for you and your child

[Gallavich]

Divorce doesn't damage children by itself. It's also much better to separate when he's a baby rather than wait til 5-7-10

[Teepish]

Hello Op

Divorce/seperation only damages children if the parents are badly behaved and don't pur their child's feelings first. Also your child is very young so will not really be fully aware of the situation.
Lots of luck and best wishes.

[Dadaist]

OP I really think you ought to get some counselling before you make any big decisions. I'm surprised that MNers here a so keen to focus on ending your marriage. That can be really painful too. Your post talks about some things you are reflecting on, but also about the struggle of being a mother, family relations, needing a job etc etc. You have married early and soon, but that doesn't mean you've married badly. It sounds as if you are wondering whether you ever loved him and if you've made a mistake? Maybe you have? And if the love isn't there then you should leave. But don't chase fairy tales either. Counselling could really help find out what is at the heart of things.

[WhereIsThePilot]

How do I go about counselling? Is there anything online I could do?