I am currently separated from my DH, we have been together 7 years. I have 4 dc, 2 from exdh and 2 with dh.
I know being a step parent can be challenging and one of the reasons I left was because I don't think he treats dc's 1&2 fairly compared with dc's 3&4. DH does not agree with me, he thinks he treats them all the same. He has a very constrictive parenting style which the dc don't like, my dc2 is a typical 9 year old boy so very cheeky, forgetful and challenging, DH can't cope with this and in my opinion seems to get infuriated with him, I think he picks on him and dislikes him, DH swears he loves ds.
Anyway I initially left DH in June then gave it another go, quickly regretted it as nothing has changed so left him again in October. Since then we have been seeing each other more and more, he has agreed to attend a parenting course with me to both be on the same page.
Another of our issues is money. I have been advised on MN before he is financially abusive, basically insisted I pay half of all bills but all of childcare and most shopping while he saves his money. We have spoken and agreed if he were to move back home all bills and normal expenses would come out of a joint account and we would both have equal disposable income in our separate accounts each month. This is what I asked for and he agreed to it, however he then said my fuel should come out of my money as I always forget to claim mileage at work (it would be about £2 per week!), he wants to cut down on the shopping bill etc.
He also said our privately rented house doesn't feel like his home anymore, we have a 3 bedroom house with 4 dc, I managed to find another house who would accept our dog and also had 4 bedrooms meaning my 10 year old dd would no longer need to share with her 2 year old sister, it was bigger in general but lacked the garage we have now which is basically full of stuff that could be distributed elsewhere, the house is £50 per month more, DH straight away ruled it out as he wants to save money not spend more, he says dd doesn't need her own room and he wants a garage still. He then finds a house out of the school catchment for £25 less than we are paying now, its smaller too and we are already bursting at the seems in our house.
Sorry to go off on a tangent, I just don't know what to do, I struggle with the 4 dc alone but then when he is there sometimes it feels we all have to be careful what we say or do, he's grumpy when my 2 dc are around most of the time. They have both picked up on it, ds is upset that his own dad can't live with us.
Any advice would be great!
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Should I give it one last go?
Proseccoisthenewlambrini · 19/01/2017 12:32
The fact that he makes your older dc go upstairs when he gets home would end it for me op, even without anything else. 
Hope that raised a smile OP
How will he make your life hell? Think really hard about that. Once you are living separately and have minimal contact with him, what sorts of things do you think he will do? If you have it all thought out you are forearmed and can make a plan. Good luck!
Well done. Keep going. You are a strong person.
All the things you've listed above are just more reasons NOT to get back with him - yes, it will be difficult but worth it in the long term. 
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