It feels like a long story so I will try and keep it short.
I have been best friends with someone for 15 years, we have supported each other through very tough times.
We have always been with other people but I think we probably always knew that we cared very deeply for each other.
I was in a very abusive relationship for 11 of those years. And he too is in a marriage with a child with a serious alcoholic.
Last year we admitted that our feelings were more, it made me realise I had to get out of my relationship (that is a whole thread in itself, emotionally, verbally, some violence, always the threat of violence)
I left, it was incredibly traumatic and I suppose I truly believed that myself and my friend would end up together having suffered extremely damaging realtionships in our own way.
We both started counselling which has been very helpful. We both have toxic narcissist parents which probably contributed to us ending up in such destructive relationships.
I tried to help him to see that being with someone who is a severe alcoholic and is very controlling and abusive was not healthy for him or his child.
He can't leave his DC, for many reasons mainly fear of her taking DC away and her generally being very crazy and controlling (this is something that all of his friends have know for years, he is due to her completely isolated from most people in his life)
Anyway I (am trying) to understand that he feels he has to make this choice.
But I am worried for him, I miss his friendship and for what I thought we could have together, I fear that he'll stick this for years and it will destroy him.
Mainly I miss him, I know it's his choice and I have to go my own way and move on I am just finding it incredibly hard.
I also know life isn't black and white, I just can't believe that it's all ended up like this.
Sorry for such a long post.
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Relationships
Always seem to fail
Tryingfailingagain · 22/12/2016 19:57
This may not be the end OP. It may be just a staging post along the way. You can't wait for him, of course, but if you crack on with living your best life (and well done for all the hard effort you've put in on that, it's not a small thing, you're doing fantastically well 
) then you never know where things end up.
I know you know this but you just have to keep remembering that you can't fix people. Only he can sort himself and his situation out. Meanwhile you've got to focus on doing what's best for you.
Someone once said to me - and I think it's very true - 'things always look better on the outside than they do from within those relationships and families - there's plenty of hidden stresses and fake smiles'. And it's true ! I've learned not to compare myself and my situation to others because firstly you're not necessarily seeing the truth and secondly you can only judge your own status by your own standards not someone else's. And by your standards you're doing fantastically well
I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment but see this Christmas as a staging post on the road to a better future. It's not where you want to be but you're getting there. It's a long journey. This time next year I reckon you will look back on a year of solid progress and be so proud of yourself - keep the faith OP 
You're not a failure OP! You're doing great. It sounds like you've had to overcome a lot and you've developed great self awareness as a result. I know this time of year is hard but just get through it and things will look brighter
Yeah that's how it feels, It's always felt like that with everyone though, if I'm nicer or funnier or try harder then people will like me more (including both parents) I never really had many friends or much of support, I could never go to my parents for anything like that.
Which is why I miss him the most really.
I'd love to have a family but I've probably missed that boat, late 30s now.
I should be really angry with my xdp but I can't even seem to do that
Thanks for letting me ramble on it's helping 
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