I can't sleep, I'm sick of this

[Gracey1231]

Hi everyone.
I blocked my ex last week after I told him that him suddenly ignoring me hurts and I can't feel like shit anymore.

He then text me off another number and said that the reason things are the way they are is because it's hard for him and that I think he's living his life happy, I asked him why it is hard and he said it isn't hard to work out, so I said because he misses me and he just said it doesn't matter.

I ignored it and he said he's trying to move on from his feelings and I didn't make it easy but we aren't getting back together because our relationship was "ruined" and I'm not making it easy being friends by bringing up the past
He said he doesn't see himself in a relationship for a long time.

At the start we were talking as friends, laughing about memories and stuff, now all of a sudden he's finding it hard.

I blocked this different number because it hurts but I don't understand
Why is it suddenly hard for him, at the start we broke up and he said it was because his feelings had changed and now he has feelings again, and why doesn't he want to be with me if he's miserable and stuff too

This was my first love and I was his, please can someone help me. I'm so confused.
I love him and I hope we get back together, I suffer with bipolar and I'm going through a depressive stage at the moment so I'm unsure if that's why I'm so upset. Please someone give me guidance

[goddessofsmallthings]

What you're saying now seems to be at variance with what you've previously said on this board and elsewhere, Gracey.

I'm also somewhat bemused by your due date when it seems you haven't seen your ex since mid-August, at which time I would have assumed that your 3 monthly contraceptive injection was running at full strength.

[Gracey1231]

He's been promoted at work ironically so yes finances are not a problem. Regarding my bipolar I have an appointment with my nurse next week to discuss what the planning will be regards to my meds and what I should expect from this.
Me and my mum have attended a few counselling sessions and are getting on now with a fresh start and my uncle aunt and cousin have said they are on hand whenever I need them. My studying finishes in May next year so all going to plan I should be okay in that sense

I have definitely sat back and thought about all of this, this isn't just my life this is a little person who needs me

[goddessofsmallthings]

Is he in a position to support you financially and how do you intend to cope with your mental health issues and a baby without a loving family to help you?

Will you have completed your studies by next summer?

[Gracey1231]

I think he meant that financially because after that he did say he'll be there all the time. He's coming to stay with me next week to talk so we will see.

Mid June is my due date

[goddessofsmallthings]

What men say in these circumstances and what they do can be two entirely different things, Gracey,

As this has been a long distance relationship I can't see that he'll be able provide the support you'll need unless he is willing to move, and "as much as he can" doesn't inspire confidence that he has any intention of putting himself out to be a hands on father.

Have you seen a GP and do you know the approximate date of birth?

[Gracey1231]

Hi
I told him and he said obviously we weren't to know it would happen and he'll be of support to me and baba as much as he can.

[goddessofsmallthings]

I seem to have missed your update, Gracey.

Assuming that you have told your ex of this latest development, how has he reacted to the news?

[Angleshades]

If your ex doesn't know what he wants as regards to a relationship with you then telling him you're pregnant is likely to make him run very fast - away from you. He's already demonstrating how commitment shy he is and babies require commitment.

If you continue with the pregnancy you need to realise the very likely possibility that you'll be bringing the baby up alone. It's a tough task. Not impossible but very tough.

You have some very important decisions to make. Get yourself to a gp as soon as possible. Don't bury your head in the sand.

[DanceMeToTheEndOfLove]

Right.

GP, test, conversation and time for some big decisions.

You have options. 21 isn't very young, but you sound to be a very young 21 year old. And you need to do some brutal growing up and you need to do it immediately.

Don't continue with the pregnancy and go on to have a baby with the belief that this will mean you and he will be back together, or the belief that a baby will make everything ok. It won't.

[CouldIHaveIt]

You're a Christmas Elf. That's very very cool ⛄️🎅🏻

Go to the Doctors and get them to do a pregnancy test & then if necessary book you in for pregnancy appointments with the midwife etc. Let us know how you get on.

In the meantime...I remember what it was like breaking up with my first real love. I was 24 & he was 28 and we'd been together since I was 15. It was awful, really, really awful. We both wanted to get back together at different times, but said no when the other one wanted it. We cried together and apart. We we both miserable and it seemed so silly to be putting ourselves through it, but when we were thinking, not feeling, we both knew it was for the best. But fuck, it was awful. Really, really awful. In time you'll come to terms with it and move on. For now you just have to rude the wave and try to believe those of us that have been there before you.

[KittyWindbag]

OP you need to stop using your age and youth as an excuse. You may be young but there's no need to be 'dumb' in this situation. Wise up. He's emotionally manipulating you to keep you hanging on.

You've become dependant on this guy because you say your friendships have fallen by the wayside. Well, this is where your age is useful - it's much easier to meet people and get on with them at 21 than it is when you're older and stuck with a load of responsibilities.

Make some friends at the gym, go out to have fun, not to meet new guys.

The more you think you need a man to rely on the harder it is to make meaningful connections with other people as you lose your sense of yourself.

Best of luck to you.

[Gracey1231]

I have it every 3 months but it's failed me here

[FastWindow]

Oh no, when did you have the injection?

[Gracey1231]

*contraceptive injection not implant sorry

[Gracey1231]

Hi guys
Bad news and good news.
Good news is - I finally sorted my decorating out

Bad news - my contraceptive implant has failed me and I did a pregnancy test this morning which came back positive. I am too scared

[TwentyCups]

Sounds like you have a good plan with swimming and gym - find stuff to do that's just for you. It is so hard, but you have to make a full life for yourself without him. You are at an advantage here by not living in the same town - you have a whole place to make your mark without worrying about bumping into him. Decorating your room is a good thing to focus on - do nice things for yourself and keep busy.

[Gracey1231]

@goddessofsmallthings you are 100% right and I cannot agree more, I'm very down and it's all my own problem, I lack self control and self discipline and I'm gonna have to force myself to forget. Out of sight out of mind right. I wish I had gone out tonight really. I need to toast to a new start. For the last time

[Gracey1231]

I planned on going to bed really early, but didn't happen
Another thing impacting going out is like I've gained abit of weight since I got with my ex and I'm not feeling my best tbh. I know it's no excuse but it really has knocked my confidence.
I need to sort myself out, it's just having the motivation but I suppose analysing him won't bring him back. I'm not a strong person by any means I'm very weak. Work will kill me tomorrow, I'm a Christmas elf as well so can't be sad in my pointy boots and bells

[goddessofsmallthings]

Sticking to one thread not only a means by which you can chart your progress, but also allows others to be aware of the whole picture thus enabling them to give considered opinions.

Along with 'self-discipline', 'self-control' are words that seem to have gone out of currency, but controlling ourselves and our thoughts can be essential to our wellbeing.

You DO NOT have to think about him continually. You CAN put him out of your mind whenever you choose, but it seems that you're not choosing to do so and have got caught up in an ever increasing circle of negativity.

[Maverickismywingman]

And you could have been out, is my point. Posted too soon.

[Maverickismywingman]

I've got to say goddess has a point. If you're working tomorrow, you're already on this at 1:30am.

[Gracey1231]

@goddessoffsmallthings haha strangely tonight i have been looking on B&Q's website and pulled all my wallpaper off in my room, I've hated it for a while so what better excuse than to strip a wall at 11pm. I'm meeting a friend for tea this week and I'm gonna swim and gym, every time I think of him I'm gonna try to do something productive and clean because I am a really messy person

[goddessofsmallthings]

I wasn't proposing that you party all night, Gracey, but if you don't get 'out there' you'll miss out on making new friends who'll provide a distraction from the same old.

What have you done today/tonight that has given your brain a rest from obsessing about him?

Hopefully, you'll have to focus on other matters when you're at work tomorrow and this may help you to realise that we are the masters of our thoughts. We can choose what we think about and can put any unwelcome thoughts out of our minds while we turn our attention to more fulfilling activities.

[Gracey1231]

Unfortunately it isn't that easy for me to be simple like that. I have tried so much to get over him, I can't. I don't have anyone else to talk to.
There's not really any need in pointing out how many threads I post about it. I am so unhappy and maybe I'm forcing myself into wanting him to want me.

[Simonneilsbeard]

I'm pretty sure this is possibly the 3rd post about the same guy and you're asking the same questions over and over.
If he was interested in having a relationship with you nothing would stop him from doing that.
He doesn't.