Help me be brave enough to break in - husband changed locks & my belongings inside ☹️

[Teabay]

In January I told my husband I wasn't going to be at the end of his abusive language & narcissist behaviour any more and asked him to go to counselling. We have two DDs 5&9. He refused counselling. I wanted to stay in family home - he bullied me out. Have been on mum's sofa since July. Now he's changed all locks to the family home, locking me out. I know it's illegal for him to do this but I'm still too frightened of him to go back in the daytime, break in & collect my things. My solicitor says I can.

Please help me to find courage from somewhere; I'm still scared of angering him. He thinks I Must Pay for not wanting to remain married to him. There's no other party involved.

Thank you for supporting me, I need some help here.

[Teabay]

Well if I had keys to every door I'd have liked nothing better than to put ALL the keys in a big glass bowl on the kitchen worktop.....where he couldn't get in to them but could see them through the window!

Yes pussycat - I love your style x

[TheSilveryPussycat]

All the keys - so he couldn't get in, I presume?

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Excellent. I am so glad you got your stuff. I'm so glad you didn't let his tactic work. Him changing the locks to hold your stuff to ransom was a nasty nasty thing for him to do and illegal, as you discovered.

Good for you for standing up to such a nasty bully. He's not so all powerful now is he?

[jeaux90]

Well done Tea!!! You go girl!! xxx

[Teabay]

Hi everyone

Just an update - I have all my stuff and gave heard absolutely naff all from exh about it. I sent him a text (when I had my things) saying that I was going to "pop over to get a few things on the list" but heard nothing. Little did he know!

I'm so glad I did it - the legal stuff around the house is being tied up this week and if I had broken in after I was off the mortgage he could've called the police.

I had to show the locksmith my driving licence with address of property and photo - that was all, no court or solicitor stuff or anything.

I paid (grrr) for lock to be replaced - knowing my exh he'd have staged a bloody burglary to fit me up!! I then posted ALL the new keys through the letter box - a pretty big sign that I'm not interested in anything he has to say anymore and that he has no power over me.....thank you everyone!

I hope anyone else in this situation has the courage to do it - IT'S YOUR STUFF IN YOUR HOUSE

[2Bottledup]

Well done. Has there been much of a response from him yet?

[Anniegetyourgun]

In answer to a question upthread, women occupying the former marital home are generally advised to give the ex a chance to collect his stuff. If reasonable requests have been ignored, then the evicted party breaks in without causing unnecessary damage and collects only things that were on a list that was already agreed (between solicitors, so well evidenced) and things that are unarguably theirs such as their own clothes, I really can't imagine a court being terribly interested.

[Cisoff]

Eh? Even if you are one of the mortgage holders on the property?

[Dawndonnaagain]

No it isn't legal to break in, you can be done for criminal damage should you break the new locks. I checked on this today.

[user1475501383]

Well done OP!

Out of interest, I was in a similar situation but I knew ExH would have called the police if I had broken into the house that I co-own.

Is it legal to break into a house you co-own?

Did you have to have proof of mortgage papers or something to get the locksmith to agree?

I am very pleased you managed to action this. I felt desperate when ExH said even to my solicitor that he will not do financial meditation and will not give me my belongings unless I sign the house over to him at first. My solicitor wrote him a letter explaining that the Judges wouldn't like what he is doing if/when the financial matters proceed to Court. Finally after months of stress ExH backtracked and let me have the stuff 'as a gesture of goodwill'

OP you have more balls than I do....

[BarInSpace]

Well done OP!

[hellsbellsmelons]

Wow - well done OP.
Job done!
I'd like to be a fly on the wall when he sees what has happened.
What happens to the back door then?
Does locksmith fit a new lock and you left a key for him?
Hope you session today goes well.

[comedycentral]

You are so brave👏👏
Well done

[sykadelic]

I'm glad it went well OP. I hope you too everything you needed (and took LOTS of photos!!)

[CanuckBC]

I hope you took your children's possessions as well, or at least half as you are due. All important documents, computer et al. Reasonable stuff that you would be due after a marriage the length of yours. I also hope all of your stuff was intact.

[goddessofsmallthings]

A most productive day and a job well done, teabay!

I hope the adrenalin rush and the satisfaction of getting one over on him driving away with your possessions securely stashed in the back of the van will be sufficient to keep you waving disdainfully to him from the high ground.

You've done it once and now that you've experienced how empowering it can be to step into those big girls' pants, you can do it again - and again - any time you want.

[Teabay]

Hi, thank you all soooo much for your support - it really made a difference to me.

I met locksmith, drilled back door lock, paid him resentfully to break into my own bloomin house and then the removal van came and I took what I needed.

Although I had to hoik up my big girl pants several times I avoided a meltdown!

I sent my ex a txt to say that I was calling in today to pick up a few things - no reply. He thinks I don't know he's changed the locks so was probably smugly waiting for a panicky txt from me and not a satisfying wave from the high ground

Oh to be a fly on the wall.....

Tomorrow I have my counsellor so I'll no doubt relive it all then, but thank you again - you helped me to feel it was possible.

[mysistersimone]

I hope it was a success and you're safe

[onmybroomstick]

Hope you got all your stuff today op

[FRETGNIKCUF]

I hope it went well.

[IDismyname]

GO TEABAY GO!!!!

On a quieter note - how did it go...?

[wildsapphire]

Hope today went well. X

[CommanderShepard]

Hope today went as well as it could do.

[rachelamy]

what an arsehole! i'd make sure to give the toilet a quick clean with his toothbrush before you go

[Bunkai]

Hope today goes well for you.