Dating a man for 10 months.
He's been to my house, and I to his house. He lived in the annex. His reason for starting in the house was for the kids who are nearly both at university. He said they'd sell the house after that.
He came to my house mostly but the times I was at his, there was nothing in the house to suggest they were together.
It all came to a head when I said I wanted us to be official. That meant meeting his kids, his stbxw etc. He said he couldn't because it would rock the boat before the kids leave for uni.
Pretty much that second I suddenly thought there's something not right here. I ended it the same day. He messaged a few times but we've not spoken properly.
The reason I never saw his stbxw was that he said they had an arrangement that they wouldn't do introductions to new people until the kids had left. It sounds crazy that I believed that now. I'm embarrassed. But honestly nothing made me question it. He now tells me that there was no arrangement that they could see other people, and although they have separated and he lives in the annex, and they are splitting finances, he now says to say he had met someone new would create huge drama. Obviously that sounds like utter shit to me.
It was the best relationship (if I can call it that looking back) I ever had. I can't believe it really. And now I'm also feeling so guilty. In no way do I want to be with this man after this, but should I face up to this and tell his wife? It's NOT for my benefit aside from wanting to get rid of the guilt a bit I suppose.
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Relationships
When you realise you're the OW, do you tell his wife? Feel like I'm drowning in guilt
lightofthrees · 02/10/2016 15:27
I didn't think it was trolling for attention, but it's not unusual for people to do some novel research here. I'd recommend in future that you don't share a username - that said I ain't the thread police 
But it is confusing when you remember a username and it doesn't fit (I remembered yours as I wondered what it was a reference to).
Anyway... as I said upthread - I think you've done well to extricate yourself from him.
He's gonna play the 'think of my kids' card to get you to feel either guilty or sympathetic to get back to the status quo. He thinks he can ignore or pursuade you into resuming this secret charade with him.
He's 100% deluded about the situation (probably projecting his own guilt about his kids) and you won't change him a jot. Ever.
And he wants you to feel sorry for him 'I'm upset and miss you ' well bollox to that. You're a more healthy person, emotionally than he is.
He isn't equal to the task of a relationship with you.
You are rejecting him. I admire you, OP, for seeing it for what it is. More power to your elbow.
You are now free to find a relationship with a more healthy individual.
Hard as it is, I salute you. Hurray for you!
She's said things to him and doesn't make him happy.
She's an alcoholic (though he drinks a lot)
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