He wants to ask his two best mates.. One of which I haven't met to be guardian for our unborn child

[Busybee2029]

Am I wrong in saying to my fiancé I'd like to meet this one freind before we ask him to be a guardian for our daughter?
He text me today while he was at football (drunk) to say

I'm here with my two best friends can I mention guardianship to them.

I said yeah that's fine but I'd like to meet the second before we make it official.

He then went in a hump saying just trust me for God sake.

Am I wrong?

[ImperialBlether]

Exactly what Hedda said. I can't count the number of times women on here have discovered that to their cost.

[HeddaGarbled]

Well done.

Are you fully aware of the legal and financial implications of having a child without being married? If you split, his only legal obligation to you is the basic minimum child maintenance which is a pittance.

Do you jointly own your home or is it all in his name. Same goes for savings, pensions etc. Women often take an income and career hit after having children without realising that they have no legal right to financial support from their partner unless they are married.

[Perihelion]

Don't know about English law, but I just did my will recently and appointed a guardian...not leaving my child to someone, but ensuring that they would be looked after. Apparently the guardianship could only be challenged if there were child welfare issues or the guardian was seen as unfit for the role.
With no proper paperwork, it would be up to the court to decide on who they thought was best.

[Lemonlady22]

he does realise its a baby and not a pet hamster.....how old is he ffs

[Busybee2029]

Thanks guys I knew I wasn't flying of the handle for no reason.
I've told him untill he's sober and learns to mature his approach I won't be having any more discussion with him about it

[Yayme]

Guardianship? If someone asked me I wouldn't even know what they meant. Is he getting carried away with excitement?

[SleepDeprivedAndCranky]

Yanbu. Everyone should be sober for that conversation. you should meet them and most importantly, your dd should like them and they should like her. Are they responsible? Do ye have similar moral values/parenting styles? Would they bring her up as you would, in the event that you and your dp were not around to do it. Would their lifestyle be compatible with raising your dd? Are they financially/emotionally/mentally stable to raise your dd? Do they have any longterm illnesses/addictions? etc. This is a big decision, not something to be done when people are drunk/in a social setting.

[annandale]

'Gran, why do I live half the week with Baz and half with Tommo instead of you? They keep saying that I cost a lot, I don't think Baz's wife likes me and I overheard her saying he should have told her about me when they met, and my stepsisters hate me because they have to share a room.' 'Well pet, your dad went to the football one day...'

As he's not met the baby yet I will cut him a few inches of slack, but he clearly hasn't clicked yet that for guardians you don't look round and say 'who do I like most' you think about the child's needs. More worrying that he thinks this is a unilateral decision with you rubberstamping the outcome.

Wait til he's sober and YANBU.

[Somerville]

If he actually means to be the child's legal guardian in the event of something happening to both of you then this is totally the wrong way to go about it. You need to think together about who your both know who would be able to meet your child's practical and emotional needs, and bring them up as much in line with your wishes as possible.
Which isn't likely to be someone you've never met.

If it's some kind of pseudo-God parent then call it something else, not guardian. And again, it should really be a discussion and asking a close friend of each of yours, not just two of his mates.

He sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do very quickly.

[HeddaGarbled]

Actually, I think that if you're not married, you don't even have to put him on the birth certificate so you might be able to make this decision yourself and not have either of his friends as guardians.

Guardianship is a massive responsibility not a "your my bestest friend" certificate for a bunch of laddy drinking buddies.

[MatildaTheCat]

Out of the question. Family members are most suitable usually. If not there needs to be extremely clear and thorough conversation about the implications of taking on a child/ten until they are adults.

Refuse to contemplate this but do discuss together and also ensure that there is sufficient life insurance in place to finance their upbringing.

My own db has apparently nominated me and dh and doesn't even have any life insurance

[HeddaGarbled]

No way should you agree to this.

Are there no family members you can nominate as guardians?

If not, it needs to be good friends whom you have known for a long time and whom you trust absolutely. One meeting or even one year of casual meetings would not be enough to make that decision.

[Isetan]

This isn't something you can really decide after one meeting either. Your fiancé is being an idiot and a text announcing a unilateral decision while he is out drinking with his mates, doesn't instil confidence in his maturity, let alone trust in his ability to make such an important decision.

Ignore his texts and wait til he sobers up. This is a joint decision and him calling you names because he isn't getting his own way, isn't a characteristic I'd want in a prospective husand and father.

Guardianship is a huge undertaking and it should be with people who you know you well and trust to raise you child in a way that you'd be comfortable with.

[ImperialBlether]

Does he really think that if you both died, his mates would be able to/willing to take on the care of a little girl they don't know?

[DavidWainwrightsFeet]

And actually guardianship doesn't mean anything in law either because human beings cannot be left to other human beings like a house or a car. You could put an expression of wishes for guardianship in your will but if your parents/siblings wanted to fight it and especially if the people in question had never met you or your baby then it would count for very little.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

Guardianship is completely different to being a godparent. Does he realise this? Do you? Please find out before you sign any forms. Godparent means nothing legally.

[Aussiebean]

Tell you will discuss when he is sober.

[SandyY2K]

I presume neither of you have family members you'd like to do this then.

It should be someone you both choose together and can I ask if these friends have kids of their own?

Are they married or do they have partners?

Would the partners be agreeable?

Are they really in any position to do this in the unfortunate event that something happens to either of you?

[Busybee2029]

Exactly I'm not being unreasonable at all am I? He thinks I'm being physco.. Honestly don't know how to respond to him

[ImperialBlether]

What? He wants you to sign something to say this stranger (to you) will bring up your child if anything happens to you? He's crazy. The guy is crazy too if he's even contemplating accepting that.

[Busybee2029]

I think it's bloody strange too and I'm going to pull him on this tbh. He's met all my friends

[Busybee2029]

Basically god parents yes.. I said two couples hes saying he can't choose between these freinds
Yes quite frankly I'm not happy about it either.

[Busybee2029]

Lol tigger
We aren't very religious people and don't want to christen our children untill they decide that's what they want.
So it incase something should happen to us.. I've been in I'll health lately so I want to know they're safe. That's why