Hi I just need to talk to someone. I posted a couple of weeks ago about my H and what i suspected was emotional abuse and I am so grateful for the support I got. Today there was an incident, our cat who is old and frail and is always getting up on the table if we leave food out, had a go at H's burger which he left while he was out of the room. When he found out he blew up and I heard it all unfolding from where I was upstairs. Our dd was begging him not to hurt the cat (who she adores). When I got downstairs dd was crying and said that he had picked the cat up by the throat, growled at it and thrown it out into the garden. He immediately denied it, said that dd was being dramatic and he'd done it gently. Dd wouldn't back down and H started getting angry with her saying she owed HIM an apology. He kept looking at me expecting me to back him up but I didn't. I wasn't brave enough to outright challenge him but my silence that said I didn't believe him was enough to piss him off. The thing is I've seen him be violent with the cat before, kicking her and throwing her when she gets in his way.
He announced soon after that he was going for a walk and his attitude is that he's the victim. It's now 11:30 and he just came home after nearly 3 hours and I can feel the tension in the house. He just about pulled the blinds off the window just now. I feel physically sick when I think of how to leave. I know I'm going to but I don't know what to say to him. I have to go away for work tomorrow for 2 nights so my plan is to meet with WA next week and make my leaving plan. So I just need to find a way to calm the panic for now. So wound up I can't sleep.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Feeling panicky and sick
wannabfree · 07/09/2016 23:29
I think it's part of the script too. And just ugh. Treating you so badly, scaring and dominating his family and then being pseudo contrite and getting into your space with hugs and underhanded pressure with"niceness" for you to back down.
Try to be objective. Don't minimise the things he's done and said.
Is his current personal his real self? Will he remain this way? No.
Remember that panicky sick feeling, the feeling of oppression and fear. You don't need that in your life. More 
for you.
Please get legal advice and some ongoing counselling or psych support. You really, really need someone on your 'side' in this. Someone neutral.
He is going to gaslight you and manipulate you and all the rest of it. That's how people with his personality type work.
OP, I grew up with a father exactly like this. Your last couple of posts made me cry. You could have been describing my dad. Impatient and cruel to his children, his wife, even the pets. It really affected my adult relationships.
Please, I know it's really hard and confusing for you at the moment, but please don't let your children grow up being treated like that.
He is not all bad; hardly anyone is. Don't be emtionally blackmailed by him being contrite. He probably does love you, and I'm sure he loves his children, in his own way, but its not enough. They will be emotionally scarred by living with someone this volatile.
for you.
Gosh yes i remember your previous post. You poor thing, you've had years of it. He hasnt broken your spirit though has he 
x
Good luck with getting out of the house and making your arrangements
for you and your DC , hope you're all ok.
What a vile, vile excuse for a man
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.