Am I unreasonable, or just enabling him?

[user1471438981]

Hello all, long time lurker, first time poster, so please be gentle!
My partner of 6 years (we are 24) has recently told me that he feels that he has mental health issues. His family (he is NC with them) also have a variety of MH problems, including hypochondria and various undiagnosed things, so it is possible that his problem is inherited.
I'm not doubting that he has a problem - he has been to the doctor and been diagnosed with anxiety/depression and is on antidepressants, the dose of which keeps getting upped that don't seem to help. We both feel the depression is a symptom, not the problem itself, but have no idea what that could be!
Sorry to ramble...I guess my main issue is that he feels that he needs to be 'protected' from adult life now - no helping with finance, work or housework. This puts a lot of pressure on me, as I am having to do all of these things alone, and it's a lot of work! It doesn't help that my job is seasonal and I'm having to take on a second role, if I can fit it around university.
He doesn't do anything himself (apart from his own personal care of course) and won't even do things he enjoys alone - I have to initiate/join/provide all entertainment. Unfortunately we don't really enjoy the same things so I am sacrificing my hobbies to help him with his.

However, even though I have taken on all of the adult stresses he faces, I am constantly told that it is not enough, and that I need to do more. Everything needs to be alphabetised etc.
Should I do it? Do I need to 'love bomb' him through his MH issues, or will doing more just make him worse? I'm not sure if I'm helping or just making things worse at this point.

Sorry for the long post, my mind is a bit jumbled at the moment!

[Dozer]

Don't show him these replies. Not a good idea.

Encourage him to seek professional help for his MH. You might also be able to get support for yourself, eg student services.

Please focus on YOUR studies.

[blessedmummyov5]

I have mh issues n cud just sleep all day and not move but no things need doing so they get done the more u let it slide the harder it's gonna b to get him to do stuff for himself tell him it is not healthy to so nothing for urself I feel better wen I'm distracted doing things u are allowing him to mope about tell him ur trying to help him feel better n he needs to b an adult n get on with things ! From someone that is bipolar I can tell u now sitting around doing nothing is making things worse nip it in the bud Hun x

[Fiddle1964]

When someone is ill you can end up an ' enabler' of sorts by taking on too many roles and then becoming overwhelmed and ill yourself. Get him the help he needs via the GP/mental health services but continue your work, hobbies and studies. Also get him to help with or do certain roles in the home to reduce the strain on you, good luck x

[user1471438981]

You're all right, I do need to sort this now, but I'm not ready to leave him. It's odd, I'm usually very no nonsense, but I do let him get away with too much.
I'll have a word with him tonight about him taking on his previous role in our house, it's bad for us both if things continue as they are.
Interestingly, another thread on here is quite similar to this, same MH diagnosis as well, and that person being catered to has made them regress massively, and now they can't be trusted alone as an adult. I don't want this to end there!
He has been referred to a counselling service, hopefully that'll help too, but if not I'll just have to bite the bullet and leave, though it will be awful

[SandyY2K]

If you take on all the work and try to protect him, then you will become resentful, you'll be exhausted and you'll also develop MH issues from the stress of it all leading to depression.

I wouldn't want my 24 year old daughter in this kind of relationship at all. I'd be telling her to leave. Why should all this be dumped on you at 24?

I totally disagree with him being shielded from adult life. You're not his mother and passing all your responsibilities onto someone else, without consideration for their own welfare is inconsiderate and selfish. It's also not the real world.