Wife having an affair I'm I wasting my time?

[user1471853539]

Hi firstly I am male looking for a female point of view.
My wife has had an affair with another woman but says she doesn't want to have a relationship with her, but also is not certain if she wants to stay with me.
There's no way I don't want to be the main carer if we had a divorce and I think I have a good case, as does my wife.
I don't believe that if she left she would not continue the relationship and the other women has shown violent tendencies especially drunk which is often. In fact she has been aggressive towards me and my wife. I have never hit my wife and would never.
I have said I'm prepared to do anything to keep our family together.
Am I wasting my time, or do I have a chance?

[hellsbellsmelons]

Starting point for kids would be 50:50 split.
Could you put up with that?
It will be hard.
I think you know you are worth more than this.
She hasn't stopped contact which shows you such disrespect it makes 'me' angry.
I would agree to separate and try to sort out housing and finances.
Is there anywhere either of you could go?
To family or friends.
So you have the kids 3.5 days in the house then she does, etc.....
Find out what it's really like living on your own with the DC.
Or could you get a flat that each of you uses when you are not resident with the DC.
These are things you can sit down and talk about with your wife.
Let her know you are seriously considering ending this but doing it amicably.
Until she realises you are serious about a separation she will continue to take the piss out of you.
She needs to understand loss. What it will really be like without you.
Let her understand and feel that and then you can both make the decision as to what is best.

This concerned me though:-
(I quite often have had to do both recently)
Why only recently?
Have your wife been doing all the cooking, washing, shopping etc. and working full time prior to this affair?
Did you do your fair share of house hold and child care duties? i.e. 50% of them?

[user1471853539]

I think I've always done my fair share and think my wife would agree. Recently I've had to do more, not just because of the affair

[user1471853539]

I could stand 50 50 share, that would be unfair, but I might have to take that. This is so unfair, I always supported us as a family, she's breaking it up!