DH and I split just over 2 months ago. We had been together for 10 years, married for 6 and three young DC. It was completely out of the blue and I was devastated. He was with someone else and living with her less than 2 weeks later.... introduced DC to her etc (against my wishes).
We continued to text and he has spent weeks telling me how he loves me, he wishes it was me that was there, he made a massive mistake blah blah blah. Last week he told me he had ended it with her and she had moved out. (He has told me at least once or twice a week for 4 weeks before this of massive arguments they constantly have) so this week I agreed we could give it another go now that she was out of the picture. Maybe get our marriage back on track.
I stayed at his after work on wednesday (felt extremely awkward because that's the place they shared together). He has been telling his family and friends we were back together and that we were looking to get a new home together.
Then suddenly she is back at his (which I only found out about through a third party) so obviously I'm left feeling pretty hurt... and now all he can say is 'I don't know what I want' and that I need to give him time to figure it out.
I feel like I've been played a treat. And I keep going back. He won't answer me when I ask why he'd do that to me. I spent the week asking him if he was sure this is what he wants. Gave him every opportunity to back out and all he ever said was I love you, I want our family back together, I want our marriage to work out. I feel like crying. And then sending her all the messages he has sent me. But where would that get me?
I'm pretty sure It won't make me feel any better.
Don't know where I go from here 
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Relationships
DH doesn't know what he wants
ThePinkCat · 20/08/2016 00:32
Youngest is breastfeeding and all she wants to do is feed and sleep, hence her staying with me. It wasn't a cop out.
He came in when he dropped the DC back home. Long and short of it is he says he loves me but he's not attracted to me anymore I have let myself go a bit I would be the first to admit but I've had three babies in the space of five years and found it really hard to lose that last bit of weight. I've tried literally everything. He's not the man I fell in love with anymore as one of you said but neither am I the woman he fell in love with and as shallow as he may be for saying it I can't help but think he's right.
She is a size 10 to my 14, petite frame, no stretch marks, no flabby loose stomach. I don't see how I can possibly compete.
Of course you want this relationship back. You've been together a long time, he's the father of your children, you have a lot of shared history. You're stunned how he's changed and bereft that the man you knew could behave like this. You never wanted to be a single mother to three children and now you're on your own with them and the house whilst he's off with his new woman without cares or responsibilities and behaving like he's 21 again.
You're desperate to understand what's going on, what he's thinking and why he's behaving like this. How can he be so cruel? How can he leave his family?
The answer is actually fairly simple. He was happy with you and the children, life was good - but his head was turned by another woman and he made the mistake of following through and got involved with her. Then he was hooked by the excitement and newness and feeling like he's so desirable and now he's addicted - not to her, she's not his soulmate or anything special - but to the situation. Yet, despite his hormones loving it all and enabling him to leave his family, his brain just about still recognises what a fool he's being. He knows you were happy and that life in your house with you and the children was good - and so he keeps telling you he loves you and let's try again whilst simultaneously arguing with the new woman and telling her he's not sure he can go through with it all. So he then decides to see if he can still get you back if he wants and when he knows he easily can he's then tempted back by the excitement of the new woman and suddenly HE'S CONFUSED AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS. This cycle could go on and on and on and on. Seriously, this could play out over years.
It is a horrible, horrible game to be caught up in. So opt out. Refuse to be a part of it all. Remember if you decide to bin him then this is the worst you are going to feel - the healing can then begin.
Yes he'll keep coming back. He'll beg for another chance. But you have to decide if this is the role you want for yourself - a pawn in his stupid ego games. I know it's hard but don't engage with him anymore on an emotional level. He's made his bed - now let him lie in it. Show him you don't need him and that you're perfectly capable of getting on just fine without him but make sure he pulls his weight with the children. Suddenly it won't be an act anymore - you really will be stronger, happier and life will be good again. Good luck. 
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