Harrasment from colleauge.

[workishell24]

Basically I had a short fling with a college at work and now he is making my life hell. I am a nervous wreck!!

It all finished about 2 months ago as he accused me of seeing loads of other men, as the voices in his head told him this!! I had never seen him behave like this before.

He has since continued to touch my stomach, back leg etc, of course when no others are around. The other day he told me the last time we had sex he couldn't feel a thing, today he started a conversation about "fisting" and also asked me if I would wank him.

As he is clearly not in sound mind at the moment im scared of what to say to him and im scared to report him. He keeps threatening to tell we had a fling as this could get me in trouble at work.

He walks past my house a lot and today after a conversation became quite angry, he blames me as im upsetting him so much. He will say randon things about there being pictures of me in an orgy, which I know there is no such thing. The things he comes out with are ludicrous.

If I do anything about it im in trouble and if I don't im scared of him and what he will do / say next. He is like a ticking time bomb. Please help.

[workishell24]

I deleted conversations between us from his phone as soon as I realised he had changed and there were problems. But he says there are still some which he will use if he needs to .

[workishell24]

Why, it was when I was deleting my number also?

[Horsemad]

How did you get his phone to delete the texts?

[workishell24]

Yes that's true, I shouldn't have, but he gave me the phone and wanted my number from it as at that time I was a whore to him, his words.

[Acopyofacopy]

Go to your HR department, tell them everything (no lies and nothing left out!). They are there to protect you. Ask them for help to report him to the police and then do that. This situation will not go away in its own.

[Footle]

It sounds as if he could be very dangerous indeed. You made a mistake, but you'll be making a much bigger one if you don't take every possible step to protect yourself, even if your job is at risk. Police.

[workishell24]

My mobile was on his phone, we were texting each other. He went funny and was convinced that the only reason I wasn't that into him was because I must have been seeing another man.

He told me the voices were speaking to him and he actually believed the things he was saying to me, I was horrified and realised obviously there was something far wrong.

He couldn't figure out how to remove my mobile number from his phone so he told me to delete it for him as I was a whore and he couldn't look at my name etc.

I did this and deleted all call history and texts from it also.

This is the full story and your right it doesn't make sense to me either. For days he will be perfectly normal and everything is fine, then there are days like today where he has suggested maybe I had been drugged and raped? There is nothing logical to his actions and words. Im sorry if I drip feed, but not long home and find days like today where he is unstable very draining and leaves me very much a nervous wreck.

[AnnieOnAMapleLeaf]

You have to report him to HR and the police and quickly! If he escalates, he could seriously hurt you and no job is worth that.

[Hissy]

I agree with getting ACAS advice.

I can't see that in an every day customer services role that you'd be at risk of being fired for having a relationship outside of office hours with a colleague. If you were in a high security role, financial, sensitive information etc maybe, but yours doesn't sound to fall into these realms.

If you were having sex in the office, in work time or abusing work equipment to maintain communications perhaps... But you're not.

Get advice from ACAS fast. Then notify police/HR as appropriate

You have a right to start and stop a relationship as you see fit, and his behaviour is criminal now tbh

[SandyY2K]

Does he have to communicate with you as part of your day to day work?

If he does, then you need to look for another job.

Or you could speak to HR and your line manager. Tell them that you had a brief relationship with him and are now in fear due to his actions.

Tell them it is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety and is there anyway you can be relocated or placed where you don't come into contact with him.

Do you have Occupational health at work? If so ask your manager to refer you as well. You need all the support possible.

[SandyY2K]

ACAS are not the people to advise on this. They deal with policy and employment law issues.

This is a specific case and you need to speak to HR. I know it's embarrassing, as I had to deal with a couple of married employees having an affair and they were deeply ashamed, after one's wife contacted us, but this guy sounds unhinged.

Sadly I've dealt with employees who are truly mental and have been escorted off the premises.

[SandyY2K]

ACAS is for disputes with your employer.

[Hissy]

Ah, ok.

I'd suggest looking at the company terms of employment. Checking what the terms are and get advice on the legal situation if there's any mention of colleague relationships specifically.

Then take this to HR and the police

[SandyY2K]

Your employers absolutely have a duty to protect you and once you've reported it, they will have to deal with it.

If you want to PM me, I can advise further if you don't want to put outing info on the thread.

Unless your company has a very clear express policy that forbids workplace relationships, or where it could be deemed inappropriate because he or you could gain an advantage by doing favours, then you should be fine.

For example - you passing contracts or sales leads his way or vice versa.

Like I said, feel free to PM me.

[happypoobum]

OP why are you saying you will be sacked for having a brief relationship with someone from work? Is it in your contract? This is most unlikely for a customer service role. Is it him that told you that you would be sacked if it came to light?

I think you have to tell HR. I don't think you really appreciate what a dangerous situation you are in.

[GloriaGaynor]

There are only two relevant issues: 1) he is seriously not mentally well - hearing voices - implies psychosis, 2) he is harassing you and is potentially a danger to you.

The fact you had a fling is not relevant, and anyway, not sackable in normal circumstances. Most of what he is saying to/about you is a product of an ill mind.

So I agree, police, HR and you also need to speak to your manager.

[alvinp]

My suggestion of ACAS was only as backup if HR don't do as they should do. You may need backup in those circumstances and also as a guide as to what they should do. I've worked with mostly good HR depts but sometimes they are not so good and that's why a backup can be helpful.

[alvinp]

You absolutely should talk to HR and you gave a right to complete privacy in your communications with them. Even your line manager should not be told details without your consent. You need to protect yourself. But also others. This may not be the first time HR have had to deal with him.

[Shizzlestix]

Please speak to HR and I think also get some advice from the police-non emergency number.

[workishell24]

Thank you for all the reply's.

I think getting it all out and writing everything down has helped me to see how out of control this has become.

I am going into the office today, he will not be there to go through my terms and conditions to make myself prepared, for what will lie ahead.

SandyY2K I will PM you later today, thank you for allowing me to get in touch.