Trust over money - am I overreacting?

[RisingSun16]

Regular male poster - have name-changed for this post...

I regard my wife and I as being pretty good with money - we have a joint account and we split everything (mortgage, childcare etc) as a equitabe share of each others income - I earn a bit more so I pay a bit more.

Our son is growing out of his car seat and we knew we were going to need a new one. Money is a little tight until our daughter goes to school in September, so we started putting cash into a small box in our dresser as a savings pot so that by the time the replacement was really needed we would have enough. The seed was money relatives had given us for our wedding anniversary, and it has been supplemented by sales of various baby carriers and stuff we no longer need. We were only about 30 pounds short.

I sold a video game today and went to put the money in the box. When I opened it I found there was over 200 pounds missing.When I asked my wife what was going on, she said she had used it for petrol the last few months, but would replenish it by selling some baby wraps we didn't need any more.

I am really angry that she has done this for two reasons. Firstly, the moey was meant for an essential for our children. That now has to come from somewhere else (what happens if we are unable to sell the baby carriers?). I will find the money, because he has to have a new seat, but it now means cutting back on areas I didn't expect to.

Secondly, I am really dissapointed that my wife didn't feel she could come to me and tell me that she was running short. I would have been able to cover her petrol out of my own personal funds, so that we didn't need to raid the savings pot. We are meant to be a team, and now I wonder how much of that is actually true.

Has anyone else been in this position? Am I massively overreacting?

Grateful for some perspective.

A

[loveyoutothemoon]

Sometimes people have to be selfish to earn a bit of extra money. You are not thinking here, some people can't physically do tonnes of work/hours because of working around kids or disabilities or other reasons.

Get off your high horse.

[princessmi12]

Well to be honest I'm neither frugal not "wise "or good with money then apparently!
Still manage just fine, help myself, others and charities too :)
And yet again accumulating wealth through being frugal and pinching pennies is sign of what exactly? Don't tell me it's sign of being altruistic :)

[thecook]

princessmi12

I am with you love. I prefer to give stuff away. I don't earn much either (27k in London). I hate the tightness of some folk.

What goes around and all that. I waan't working once (ill health) but would give my clothes which were in good nick to charity shops. One Easter Sunday I went to Tesco looking for reduced food. I was in the queue and a voice told me to buy a scratchcard. My first. I won a grand. I was on benefits at the time Tut tut spending benefit money on scratchcards! I paid £120 to the local animal home for a cat pod. Not a pot to piss in at the time. A couple of weeks later I won 7k on the lottery.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Fruit that fundamental calculation works for us. We include DH's travel costs and mine in it. We have a spreadsheet that pumps the figures out.

princess I think the average approach is:
1 Pass things on to appropriate family and friends
2 Offer selected premium items for sale
3 Give it to charity.
Vary as you choose between 2 & 3.

As long as it isn't going to landfill I can't get excited.

[princessmi12]

Thecook
Phew I thought I'm the only one remaining left!
I never played lottery but somehow I always manage. Have friends and acquaintances that give me things that I need for free,get helpful advice from strangers just in time ,manage to sort out money and so on .
It's good feeling when you give away something that you don't need and brighten up the day of those on receiving end, and the opposite -receive something that you need and feel gratitude to those nice to you!

[LadyLapsang]

If you could have covered the petrol costs out of your personal allowance then why don't you just buy the car seat? Unless your wife is buying lots of unnecessary stuff, which I doubt, then it has probably gone on the day-to-day; dentists, gifts, holiday insurance etc. Do you both have the same personal allowance, savings and pension?

[bomfunk]

Now, this type of scenario is a large chunk of the reason I LTB. The division of finances was ropey at best, and I almost feared asking for extras even when it was for family purchases (kids clothes etc) because of the reaction. He wouldn't go off his head or anything, but it felt like begging and he hated parting with cash. She obviously needed more than she had access to - petrol was hardly a frivolous purchase: I would recommend not blaming: and sitting down and re-examine finances in a 'how can we make this better' kind of way.

[bomfunk]

It's great to give stuff away if you can afford to - sometimes recouping some money is necessary. Good for you if you've never been in that dire a financial state