how do I trust him again?

[enidblytonfan]

hi everyone.

my dh had an emotional affair which lasted about 3 weeks. it was via Twitter direct messages. After I found out in early April he swore that was the end of it and we deleted what I thought were the relevant accounts.

Anyway about 2 weeks later in mid April i discovered that he was still in limited contact with her. i was totally gutted (again) and this time i sent her a message telling her that everything he had told her was a pack of lies (i know that it was as i read all their messages).

We then deleted the rest of the accounts and I think he has no more contact with her now. He says he wants to be with me, he regrets what he's done, he gives me access to his phone when i ask, i've got access to his email, everything under the sun.

but i still don't believe him!! it's driving me nuts. how can i move forward and start trusting him again?

I am so paranoid. I wonder if he could still have email accounts and twitter that I don't know about as he could quite easily access them at work and then delete the web history from his phone!

i'm going round in circles. I need to put this behind me and move on but I'm finding it so difficult.

Has anyone got any tips/advice on how to do this please?

[Isetan]

Actions speak louder than words and twice in quick succession, his actions have screamed deceitful tossed. In the circumstances, what you're feeling is completely natural and I totally understand your desire to push this from your every waking thought, as soon as possible. However, it doesn't work like that, when it comes to deceit it's the deceived who does the time and not the party who did the crime.

I do not know if you'll ever get past this or more importantly, if this man is worth the effort but the goal shouldn't be 'hanging on' to your marriage because the price of that could be very high. Instead, the goal should being able to respect yourself and the decisions you've made.

[TheNaze73]

It takes ages to build trust, it won't happen overnight

[TinyTyke]

Hi, how are you are? I agree it takes time but you will get there. I could have written this post 12 months ago. Hurts doesn't it. He was (and still is) 100% sorry, gave me all his passwords and we both made a real effort to make time for each other. We have very young children and work so this had been bottom of the list. He was also very good at letting me process it - being angry at him, feeling hurt. I trust him now and we are probably closer than we were before. I'm also wary of not letting it longer over us as I don't want to push him away. He took this as a warning of what he had potentially risked losing if it had carried on or developed.