Partner won't lrave

[enfru]

3 weeks ago he announced he no longer loved me and was going to leave.
Since then he's told me he's going to stay as long as possible to annoy me, that he's going to ask someone at work to put him up, that I'll have to move out before he does, that he's going to borrow money from his dad so he can leave, to the latest being that he had found somewhere and would be gone by the end of last week.
He's still here.
We've had a letter from our lettings agent re our tenancy renewal and he thinks we should sign for another year! I've said I'm not prepared to do that and will get the tenancy changed to my name only. He says he will only leave when he's ready.

His dad has just advised me to get an injunction stopping him from entering the home on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. Does anyone know if this is possible?

[FV45]

I think some of you watch too much Eastenders!
Getting someone to leave when they have as much right as you to be there is not as easy as you might think, even when there is abuse.
I'm not talking physical abuse, but emotional abuse.

Trust me, I am living it right now. You can get a non-molestation order ex parte (w/o them being served the papers), but with EA it's much harder to get an ex parte occ order because it's much more serious ie turfing someone out of their home.

You think I'm going to file for an occ order and wait for the papers to be served to him WHILE I'M IN THE HOUSE?! And apparently being granted one depends on the judge, so if I got some arse who really didn't think things were that bad then it wouldn't be granted. That's not a situation I want to find myself in.

[enfru]

I think so, I only work part time but I would be able to claim housing benefit if I was on my own- have never claimed for anything in my life so feels weird to be on the brink of having to now. My parents would help out if I needed them to but I'd rather not be dependent on them

[Cahu58]

This is sounding so familiar OP, I was also apparently a bully who strutted around spending all his money, wishing he was dead, and only cared about the children! I had a great lawyer who knew his stuff but I couldn't get him to leave. Divorce took 2 years, went to court when we were still living together... Was hell.

[FV45]

cahu are you me? We are over a year into it and it's just about finishing me off.

[Cahu58]

FV45... Really feel for you, but if I'm anything to go by, you will move on and be better for it. Mine started in 2004, nasty comments, me feeling suspicious, this lasted for 2 years till a family member saw him out with his 'friend'. The next 2 years were living together with divorce happening. Wish I'd had mumsnet for support, use it for as much hand holding as you need ... Sorry to derail your thread OP x

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

Housing benefit??

Can your landlord accept that? Most can't due to their mortgage

[enfru]

Not at all, I don't know how you managed all that time living together. I've only had a few weeks of it and I can't take any more

[enfru]

It doesn't say anything in my tenancy about not accepting it so I don't see why not.

[JonSnowsBeardClippings]

Assuming you work then there is absolutely no reason why you should ever tell the landlord you claim housing benefit

[enfru]

Yes I work, I did think there would be no way of the landlord knowing as long as I pay the rent

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

Depends, some local authorities pay direct to landlord

And if you went behind his back and he found out then what if he kicked you out?

[enfru]

As I said, it doesn't say anything about not accepting housing benefit in my tenancy agreement so I can't see it as an issue

[Joysmum]

Pocketsaviour is right. As you are married it makes no difference if you renew the tenancy in your name only as being married gives him the same rights to live in his home.

Shelter have excellent information on their website and are a good source of free but expert advice regarding your housing situation so call them for more info if the website doesn't give you all you need.

[goddessofsmallthings]

She can then ask for a legal separation so he has no right to live there. I'm sure it's a bit different from owning together

Regardless of whether property is rented, mortgaged, or owned outright in sole or joint names, both spouses have a right in law to occupy the marital home(s), Gide, and the act of filing for legal separation or divorce does not, in itself, alter this fact.

[enfru]

So if he refuses to concede and carries on being a prick my only choice to be rid of him is to move myself? It just seems to be so unfair that he can do this and just Lord it over me, arsehole

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

I've never had a tenancy agreement mention housing benefit, but they do expect you to pay the rent..... 'You' not the Council or any third party.

[JonSnowsBeardClippings]

Mumontherun the majority of housing benefit claims are for working people in private rented. If landlords were all to evict every tenant who claimed lha top up they would have no one to rent to. The housing market is so destroyed that renters have no choice but to claim housing benefit.

[goddessofsmallthings]

To some extent he can lord it over you property-wise but you may be able to encourage him to leave sooner rather than later if you haven't already withdrawn your services, so to speak.

Do you have a spare room or could you move one of the dc into your bedroom and relegate him to the dc's bed or move your, presumably, double bed into the dc's room or some such arrangement that you can present as a fait accompli? The lumpier/shorter the mattress that's allocated to him the better.

If you're still cooking/cleaning/washing for him, stop immediately and make it clear that you're no longer providing hotel services.

As you'll need to be reasonably pleasant to him while the dc are around it won't be easy, but at other times you can make it plain that you're only sharing a roof with him under sufferance.

Fwiw and as I understand it, housing benefit is paid direct to the claimant and therefore there's no reason why your landlord, or any other, should know whether or not a tenant is claiming hb.
.

[relievedbutscared]

I'm in a similar situation too. Can't imagine how ExH will be persuaded to get out of the house. It fills me with despair that we might still be in this situation in 12/18 months time. Sorry - no advice, but you're not alone.

[enfru]

We don't have a spare room and thus far he's refused to sleep on the sofa or air bed so has been sleeping in our bed with me.
I could move DS in with me but DD doesn't sleep well so I worry about it waking him.
I haven't lifted a finger for him since he said he was leaving but that still hasn't made him pack his bags!

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Moving could be fantastic. New place, new memories.

[enfru]

It could be, but I don't have the money to move and I love my home.
I will just have to keep making it difficult for him so that he leaves