NC but a reg. I Thought me and DP had a great relationship and a lovely family (young DD). We've had our ups and downs, mainly due to his bipolar which led to us breaking up whilst he was manic and I was pregnant, and then some tough times while he was depressed and I had a newborn. However for the past year or so we've been just perfect or so I thought.
Sometimes I do moan because he just won't tidy his own shit up. I don't expect him to do much, but i think tidying up after yourself is just basic manners. A couple of weeks ago he got in a big fit about this, said he wasn't going to give me an excuse to moan any more and spent a few days putting on wash after wash (but not putting them away so was hardly the most taxing or useful housework he could have been doing). Anyway he did this with so much venom and annoyance that I said not to bother and I would prefer to go back to normal.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, we both ended up going out on Sunday.. Had a lovely time, though he spent more money than he would have liked. Monday evening out of the blue he starts calling me a slag and other horrible names. Tuesday he tells me he hates me and wants to break up.
He said he couldn't move out for 2 weeks, but I said no. If he wants to be so horrible, he will have to go today (only my name on the tenancy). I asked him for a reason, he said it was because I moaned too much.
But then before we went out on Sunday he said all the time that we were his world, his everything, he loved me forever etc etc
Personally I think it's either a comedown off the Coke he took Sunday, or his bipolar is sending him manic again and he's not thinking straight.
I know this doesn't excuse anything, but it's so hard to not wish he would just change his mind, apologise and everything could go back to normal.
When will it get easier? This is my first proper break up. Need a kick up the bum please but not too hard
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Relationships
DP has just split up with me out of the blue
JjustBrokenUp · 27/04/2016 15:08
I'm so, so sorry for you. It sounds like you have been dealing with an awful lot. Having a partner with such a serious MH issue is a great deal to handle - and I cannot even imagine what a drug habit does on top. I hope you'll forgive me, but it sounds a bit like you've just got used to things being really tough - it's become your 'normal'.
I think you've done absolutely the right thing in kicking him out straight away. I really think that you need to press 'pause' now (I know that's virtually impossible in practice, but try) and think very carefully about your next move. The temptation when something deeply upsetting happens is to want things to 'go back to how they were'. But is that really even possible? When someone pulls this kind of Epic Shit, it's not that easy to go back. It breaks some really fundamental things in the relationship, like ground-level trust. If he were to turn up, utterly contrite, could you really be sure he wouldn't do this again, next time he feels bad?
Furthermore, I think you need the space to explore what life is like without him around. Once you are through the initial upset (which is just hell, even where the relationship has been really bad) then it can be remarkably freeing to be away from someone who has been such a burden. I am not diminishing what you're going through right this second, but you may feel quite differently in a few weeks, if you can just tough this first bit out.
for you. What a horrible thing to happen.
Personally I think it's either a comedown off the Coke he took Sunday, or his bipolar is sending him manic again and he's not thinking straight.
Ending the relationship would be for the best. He will always be all over the place
until he sorts himself out.
I know you will find this difficult because you love him, and he may well love you.
JjustBrokenUp didn't post because she wanted to be flamed for her partner taking coke.
Taking coke isn't cool, but loads of people do it - parents do it, people who you'd least expect do it. There is a difference between someone who 'takes coke' and a 'coke addict'. Neither are good - but I don't think that it's the root cause of the issue.
I also think the MH issues are a red herring, yes he acts out when he's manic, yes it's very difficult to have a stable relationship when he's depressed - but if I had to guess, I'd say that even if you took away the coke and the Bipolar, he'd still have problems with relationships.
Most people, irrespective of their MH issues and drug use don't go around calling their loved ones 'slags' and don't consistently blame shift their poor behaviour onto others for 'nagging them too much' - what is he, a child?
I hate speaking for a group, but I am pretty sure that many of us have loved the wrong person in our lives, it's hard and it takes time to realise that there is no saving someone and you're best off saving yourself and your child.
The issue us that your (ex)partner, for multiple reasons, is not currently capable of giving you and your child the support, security and relationship you deserve. You deserve better, you will find better and you will feel better.
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