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Relationships

Dilemma what to do?

27 replies

SuperFlyHigh · 03/04/2016 15:22

I've got a dilemma here I never ever thought I'd post about.

Years ago I met a Canadian man when 21 in UK, he was on leave from the army and we ended up living together (when he was off leave) and engaged too. It ended after 2 years mostly due to him suffering PTSD (no one knew about that back then and he was in UN Peacekeeping corps). We had also planned to live in Canada and i visited a few times and stayed there and worked one summer.

Anyway now FFW 20 years and he found me on FB last year. We recently started chatting and it turns out I was his first love, he's never stopped thinking about me, holds me as a standard it seems to his subsequent partners. He was married 2 years ago for 18 months no kids and it was a relationship where she worked in contact part of army and he was in Afghanistan. He was in intelligence there too.

Anyway he is now desperate for another chance with me, said he'd move to a big city or London. He has his own house in Canada, retired this month, I have a flat and job in London with a mortgage.

I've had relationships but never been married, lived with 3 men for periods of time etc.

I like him but I just don't know what to do. I do like the fact that I could quite easily settle down with him. He doesn't have many downsides but he is a stronger more forceful character than me. Part of my reluctance to get married was moving to Canada years ago but i was young and inexperienced then. I am more life experienced now.

Anyone got any ideas? What to do? He is all set to either visit soon or me visit him. Oh my dilemma is should I take this further, think seriously about emigrating etc (a good friend of mine has done this to Canada in past 5 years). I'm not bothered about LTR side as we did this before.

OP posts:

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CrikeyPeg · 04/04/2016 23:42

Gosh SFH, not sure how I managed to miss the PTSD in your first post - skim reading to the nth degree Don't let him sweep you along too far or too fast and see what happens!

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StayAChild · 05/04/2016 10:32

I think I would prefer to visit him on his home ground first, for no more than a fortnight. That way you can get a feel for his set up, have a holiday and most importantly, escape back home if you need to. If all is well between you, then he can make the trip to London. 20 years is a long time.

Once he's in London it might be difficult getting away from him if you don't get along. You'll feel obliged to entertain him for the duration if he's here for an extended period of time.