Money problem

[Justwhattodo]

Dc went on holiday with family last week, I have dh £70 to give family member for dc spending money, family member text saying they told dh to keep the money but thanks for the offer etc it's been 4 days and dh has never mentioned it nor have I seen the money, I didn't say anything at the time because I thought he might of just forgot but he's been in his wallet for shopping petrol etc and hasn't said a word to me, I don't want to look like I'm accusing him but dunno what to do?

[WeeHelena]

Can you not just casually ask him if he remembered to put the kids money back in their pot since the family member didn't want it.

[ivykaty44]

What's the problem? Just ask if he's put it back in the DC's money bank?

[Iflyaway]

You seem reluctant to bring up the subject of money because he has been dishonest about it in the past. You need to take control of it or you will always end up suspicious, no way to have a marriage.

He may have genuinely forgotten. Why not ask him about it. Get it into the open.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

He had cash on him, so hasn't withdrawn any for other spends. That doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't intend to return the £70 from whence it came. Most especially if you ask him to. Which I would. It's not his money, and it wasn't him who contributed it to the money-box if I understand you correctly.

No need to "confront" or accuse. Just ask.

[BIWI]

What you say is:

"Oh, by the way, I forgot to say - had a text from [family friend] and they said they weren't going to take that £70 from us. That's nice isn't it? Can you let me have it back so I can put it back in DCs money box?"

[Justwhattodo]

And the family member told me not the other way around

[Justwhattodo]

No I'm not checking up he leaves his bank statement lying around and announces things like 'oh look at my bank statement how I'm in credit' etc because he knows I was so annoyed when he did lie. No I've checked its not there!!!

[YabuDabbaDoo]

Is the £70 back in the money box? Have you checked ?

[Maturecheddarcheese]

But you are checking up on him because you don't trust him aren't you? Why not just ask directly what happened to the £70? He may say he gave it to the relative (which you will know is a lie) or he may say he spent it on something else etc. What if he lies, what then?

[Justwhattodo]

I see his bank statements etc so I know nothing is coming out of there etc I just really don't get this I'm worried I might ask he might say he gave it to the family member then I might look like I was checking up on him which was most definitely not the case!

[Maturecheddarcheese]

That is difficult then, he has form for it and you've lost trust in him because he's gaslighted you in the past. It's pretty low taking money from kids isn't it?

[Justwhattodo]

Yes I will say it to him tomorrow because he's away with work tonight, I just sort of felt awkward like I've left it to late

[Justwhattodo]

Once £500 went missing I still have no idea where it went he said he spent it on us, also he's lied about credit cards he had etc we have been together a long time and married a few year dc is his but this money isn't his it's off family!

[Ginmakesitallok]

I'd think nothing of just saying to dp "have you put that £70 back yet?".

[dementedpixie]

Just say 'oh x said they were treating Dc, wasn't that kind? did you remember to put the money back in the money box Or will I do it for you'

[Shakey15000]

Yep, just ask him.

[ilovevegcrisps]

I don't get why it's NOT a big deal! If I gave someone £70 for a specific purpose and that £70 wasn't needed and they didn't give it straight back to me I'd be confused and a bit upset.

Op I do agree you need to confront him about this though.

[Justwhattodo]

He's lied to me before about money, I think he's generally just terrible with money I suppose I'll just have the ask him where it is cause it's not in the box

[llhj]

Just ask? Don't get the big deal.

[Abed]

What makes you think he has spent it?

[Cabrinha]

And in my relationship, that wouldn't be a soft way to bring it up, either - I wouldn't suspect my boyfriend of stealing from kids in a million years.

[Cabrinha]

Is there a back story?
If not, I'd just say "I had a text from X - that was so nice of them to refuse the money and treat the kids, wasn't it? Now we'll have it for a treat next "

[Maturecheddarcheese]

Is this unusual or is he a bit sneaky with other things? Is he absent minded and just completely forgot about it? Why can't you ask him outright?

[Justwhattodo]

Yes he saw me take it out, even if it wasn't and was the other way round I would of given it straight back. We don't have a joint account, yes of course we share our money if it was £10 or something out of my account I would of just said ah keep it but not £70 I don't understand what he's spent it on

[Abed]

Does DH know that it was from DC's moneybox?