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Relationships

DH works away - anyone else?

37 replies

LongWeek · 21/03/2016 21:24

My DH has a job which requires him to work away from home Monday - Thursday every week.
This is not going to change.

I really miss him. I stay up late when he is away, because I hate going to bed alone.
I have to manage the kids (3 of them) during the week. He is often busy at weekends due to work too, so our weekends are not together either a lot of the time.

Does anyone else hVe DP/DH who regularly works away? How do you deal with it? Any advice?

And please, don't try and give me advice about changing this. It cannot change, I just have to get better at dealing with it.

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Roseberrry · 22/03/2016 17:58

I think one of the hardest parts I find is dealing with the children and puppy on my own. God knows how single parents manage cos I want to cry sometimes!

Do you have any idea how long it will be for? It's good to have an end date in mind to work towards, even if it is 5 years away!

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Allnamesaretakenffs · 22/03/2016 14:11

He messages when he can, can't always facetime but we try.

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Allnamesaretakenffs · 22/03/2016 14:11

Mine is abroad a lot for 4 days or so at a time about 4 - 5 times a month. He's been doing that for about 8 years now, and it's got easier with time but by God I sure do get lonely. The chldren fill my time right now as theyre so young, but I have an oline shop ready to go once they're in school so I'll be kept busy for the days I'll be spending on my own.

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redskirt3 · 22/03/2016 01:59

Nightly phone calls too

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redskirt3 · 22/03/2016 01:59

DP works away Sunday to Thursday nights inclusive, but a totally different line of work. We have about 44 hours together over the weekend (I guess the fact that I measure it in hours shows that it's not really enough for me), and we do spend the majority of that time together. On the odd weekend when I have to work I find it really hard to go into the next week without having had much DP time.

So I think that maximizing weekend time together helps. I also work part time and help at school, and these activities help me to avoid loneliness.

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TattyCat · 22/03/2016 00:09

Op you never know, you might just get accustomed to it and not want him under your feet!!

Just... keep working at communicating and make some time for yourselves, because your relationship is important too.

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LongWeek · 21/03/2016 23:31

And an extra thank you for not being horrible!
We get so much abuse in RL it makes a change to have people being nice.

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LongWeek · 21/03/2016 22:59

We aim for Sunday's off but it doesn't always work. He's getting better at booking into the diary 1 Saturday in 6 to have as a home day.

We are too far from London to go up to see him. The kids have been a few times but it's not really practical.

Dibly- I know no one else in this situation. I am very much Mrs MP and I get complaints that I don't go to enough things! I have to restrain myself from choking 'I have 3 children!'


Thank you everyone. I will aim to feel positive, make time for myself, and remind myself it's not forever...

One thing I did agree with another MP wife who I once met- we both desperately wanted them to win, and yet really hoped they didn't.

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dibly · 21/03/2016 22:49

We're in a similar boat OP, DH away mon -late Fri, young DD, he gets home to the prodigal welcome, I'm frazzled by then! Could you get babysitters one night a week while he's away to do something just for you? Night class, dance lessons, new hobby?

Also could at least one day each weekend be reserved for family time? Don't think that's unreasonable. Hideous job, have a friend in the same job, everyone wants a piece and you get relegated to Mrs MP.

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charlieandlola · 21/03/2016 22:48

How far from London are you ? Could you go up post school on Tuesday's as the last vote is .7pm not 10?

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GinThief · 21/03/2016 22:42

My DP works away with no fixed schedule as projects change on a daily basis. He can be away for up to 6 - 8 weeks with no days off :-( I know this is against working time directive but then comes home for a week or 2, nice to have him home for a decent amount of time but wish he could come for weekends.

We are starting to think of having a family and it petrifies me that I will have to cope with baby on my own.

I hope you can settle into your routine longweek I find the nighttime hardest as there is no adult company. I joined the WI to have a social life while DP is away.

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AddToBasket · 21/03/2016 22:36

Totally feel for you, OP. That's a tough gig.

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Southernlassie · 21/03/2016 22:27

Me and DP did it for two years. My work is not dissimilar to your DH's and we just stayed positive. It is not forever.

Lots of FaceTime and texts

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LongWeek · 21/03/2016 22:25

February, Thursday nights have become our new weekend! He usually gets back between 9-10ish, and then we sit over beer/wine and digest the week.
If we don't get that because he has a meeting, it's even harder.

Silver fox- certainly not forever, but fixed parliaments means that at least I know we are working on 5 year stints...

Yes elected in May, so yes, fairly new to it.

Recess can be good, but there are more constituency things to do, and foreign trips etc.

Lionsledge, thank you for that idea. Going to bed is always hard.

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LionsLedge · 21/03/2016 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Southernlassie · 21/03/2016 22:18

I have so much admiration for MPs and their families. There's s huge amount you give up.

Can you not spend time in London with him?

Extra time together during recess periods?

I take it he was elected in May, so only been in proper since September - you're stil getting used to it

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Februaryblue · 21/03/2016 22:18

Ha. Cross post from me too. But do hope you all get more used to it soon

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Silverfoxofwarwick1953 · 21/03/2016 22:14

Yes, very unusual.

The odds of being a partner to an MP is about 70,000 to 1. No experience of this kind of thing other than to say it may not be forever.

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LongWeek · 21/03/2016 22:14

Roseberry I have been surprised by how quickly the 'normal' of DH being away has got normal for the kids.

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Februaryblue · 21/03/2016 22:13

We did this for many years, from when dc were quite small. It does get better honestly. I used to get a regular babysitter one night per week and tried to always do something with friends/ work late or even just go swimming one night. The other nights I tended to go to bed early, have a bath, read or generally do things I wouldn't if dh was there. Thursday nights were always 'our' night and I would cook and we'd have a glass of wine and stay up late chatting. The weekends tended to be really busy with dcs wanting lots of attention from dh.

Actually that was the worst part I think. As the dc got older they really missed him. Hope you all get used to it soon and settle into a pattern

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LongWeek · 21/03/2016 22:09

Cross post

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TattyCat · 21/03/2016 22:09

He's working 7 days a week, every week????!!!

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LongWeek · 21/03/2016 22:09

Silver fox was that at me?

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Silverfoxofwarwick1953 · 21/03/2016 22:08

That was to Roseberrry by the way.

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LongWeek · 21/03/2016 22:08

Too late rose berry! I've said the bit that I wasnt going to!

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