I would like some advice on how to help a friend of mine and DH's who is in an abusive relationship. She has been with her partner about 18 months and they are engaged and living together in her house. We haven't ever met him as she lives about 100 miles away. A few alarm bells did start to ring last summer when we tried to arrange a time to meet up as we would usually do two or three times a year and she either wasn't responding to messages (voice and text) or gave very brief replies.
DH finally saw her in October at an event they go to every year. She then told him that her relationship was not good. Her partner was controlling, had hit her once and that she thought he had hacked her phone (hence her reluctance to send messages). Because he lives in her house she said she can't leave and is afraid if she changes the locks he will break in. However, she then also said she did love him and thinks if he got help everything would be ok - she feels the aggression is as a result of PTSD as he is ex-army.
She sent a text a week later to say she had had a long talk with her partner and he was very tearful and everything was good.
DH tried to stay in touch but again her responses were limited. We tried to arrange another meet up but on the day we couldn't get hold of her by phone or text. We finally got a message to say things were complicated and sorry we hadn't been able to meet.
Two weeks ago my DH got a birthday card from her with a cheery message but inside was a post it note inside asking us to destroy it after reading saying things weren't good, she was afraid everything was being read and hacked again and that she didn't want to lose contact with us. She is in our area next weekend has said she will come and see us then.
Because of the distance and limited contact I almost feel like this is our only chance to be able to help her. I have read some advice online but would like to know what the most important things we can do for her are - is it just to reassure her we support her or is there anything practical we or she can do? I know a lot will depend on whether she feels ready and able to leave the relationship but want to make sure we are doing all we can. We are both really worried about her.
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Relationships
How to help friend in abusive relationship
9 replies
sian05 · 17/03/2016 14:20
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