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Is my husband abusive

33 replies

weepingwillow234 · 01/03/2016 19:48

Example: I dropped a jar out of fridge and it smashed (apricot jam). He immediately gets hoover out shoves dog in living room so he doesn't get glass in paws. While he still hovering says to me just spray the floor with some kitchen cleaner would you "chick" (this is what he always calls me).

Another example: He is taking dog for a walk gets the lead out and forgets poo bag so says can you just pass me a bag (no please) just like am being ordered around when he could do it himself.

He seems to criticise everything as well. My friends, other drivers, work colleagues etc. He is a very driven individual with a very good job but sometimes he makes me so frustrated and unhappy with the things that he does.

Not sure if this makes any sense just needed a rant

OP posts:

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hellsbellsmelons · 02/03/2016 09:39

From what you have posted - NO he isn't abusive.
But... I'm imagining this is probably the tip of the iceberg?
Does he get angry and shout?
How does he criticise your friends?
I he happy when you go out with your friends or does he 'punish' you if you do that?
Does he criticise your family?

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Chinesealan · 02/03/2016 09:44

Give more examples.

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ElderlyKoreanLady · 02/03/2016 09:44

Reading back what you've written OP, does he sound abusive to you?

If that's a good example of how he treats you then he isn't abusive.

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Error404usernamenotfound · 02/03/2016 09:57

Doesn't sound abusive to me. However, the first example would rankle with me slightly, if it felt like he was just taking over under the assumption that I couldn't do it myself. It's the difference between him doing something to help eg removing dog from harm and then helping you clear up the mess, and him bustling you out of the way and telling you what to do because he's automatically the one in charge, IYSWIM. From your OP it's not all that clear which it is.

The second example I think depends on the tone of voice as much as anything; 'please' isn't always necessary with someone close to you as long as the tone of voice is respectful. Again, if he'd just barked an order at you, that would be different.

People who are overly critical of others are very hard to be around, as you can feel constantly on edge, knowing that a remark may come your way at any time. This isn't automatically abusive though, unless it's the tip of the iceberg, and he may well just not be aware of how he comes across. If he has a high-powered job he may just be so used to telling others what to do that it's affected his behaviour outside work. Is this a new thing with him, or has he always been very brusque?

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Concerned97 · 02/03/2016 21:54

God he sounds like a man I work with!!! Massive dick head! I hands my notice in yesterday!!

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firesidechat · 02/03/2016 22:08

How on earth do you come to that conclusion Concerned?

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Jux · 03/03/2016 12:24

I'd object to 'chick'. Does he listen to you if he upsets you and make the effort to change? If you were to say "please don't call me chick, I hate it" would he stop?

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YesAnastasia · 03/03/2016 12:55

You'd need to elaborate OP. Those examples are absolutely acceptable ways to interact with your spouse IMO.

In fact, if my DH rushed in to help clean up after my accident & care for the DC or dog I'd be getting my vows renewed.

I'm sorry you're unhappy. Perhaps more examples & explanations of how they make you feel will help you get to the bottom of this.