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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Affair produced child and 10 years of deceit

96 replies

Cocodog1234567 · 28/02/2016 23:34

Hi all totally new to this but need to know if anyone been in my position. Found out 2 weeks ago partner of 18 years has a son with woman he had a short affair with the son is 10 years old. We have son who is 16. OH never told me she did. He finished affair but has had some contact with son behind my back. What can I do?? He says still loves and wants to be with me so confused !! Any advice appreciated

OP posts:

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Cocodog1234567 · 25/02/2020 21:28

In a mess right now probs just hit me

OP posts:

Cocodog1234567 · 25/02/2020 20:54

I want to take time out but should i have done that at the time, am i too late ??

OP posts:

mamato3lads · 25/02/2020 18:21

The innocent 10 year old aside, he had lied about something so huge it would eat most of us up inside. And he cheated on you.

I couldn't forgive that, what a master liar. Protecting you my arse. Protecting you from his years of lies and deceit.

Take some time away from him. You need to think clearly. I cant imagine an easy way forward ... he would.have carried on lying if his hand wasnt forced. Good luck OP.x

Cocodog1234567 · 25/02/2020 15:27

Thanks for the advice guys, means a lot x

OP posts:

Lozzerbmc · 24/02/2020 17:28

This is awful for you and your son but 10 years of deceit is so massive and that poor boy - he didnt see him for 2 years! Can you really love a man who could do that to an innocent child? He is depicable and I think you deserve better.

kcw1986 · 24/02/2020 15:44

OP sounds like your marriage is dead

He cant physically stop you from ending the marriage, so there is nothing stopping you from being free of him and starting over.

Winterlife · 24/02/2020 00:42

Get some therapy to deal with the sense of betrayal and your emotions, OP.

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 23:43

Yes up to me but you never get over someting like this even after 3 years x

OP posts:

kcw1986 · 23/02/2020 23:20

Err the child they have is over 18 now since he was 16 in 2016 so he can have a relationship with his dad without the OP being saddled to someone she doesn’t want to be with

user1497997754 · 23/02/2020 23:14

We all make mistakes because we are human. Don't make hasty decisions as your child needs a father. Maybe you have to be the bigger person in this mess

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 22:44

Just feel guilty, yes i started seeing someone else worst mistake wasnt in right place now as bad as him

OP posts:

kcw1986 · 23/02/2020 22:40

Why what is it that he’s doing?

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 22:35

Yes, true, but he wont let me move on

OP posts:

kcw1986 · 23/02/2020 22:32

Op you tried which is commendable but it just didn’t work out which is not your fault.

I know it’s scary but try and see it as a new beginning free from the hurt and drama

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 22:31

Now like brother and sister!

OP posts:

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 22:25

Yes, have problems expressing emotions x

OP posts:

kcw1986 · 23/02/2020 22:24

Better to be alone for now than with a lying cheat.

Don’t you deserve to be happy?

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 22:24

Very true,wish i had been strong enough to leave then, anyone in that position now, my advice leave x

OP posts:

Bluerussian · 23/02/2020 22:21

Cocodog1234567 Mon 29-Feb-16 20:26:15
Bit of background on o/w she has threatened me and my son. She has made up lies about me. She is not to be trusted in any way shape or form. I've seen that with my own eyes.
.......
What did she threaten and what lies has she made up about you? That seems pointless, will achieve nothing. She has no reason to resent you - him, yes but none of this is your fault and particularly not your son's.

It seems you have reconciled but are not happy; hardly surprising, it's going to take time. What does your husband say about his ex other woman's lies and threats?

I hope he does make an effort to see his other son and try to be a father to him, it's not too late. However he owes you and your son quite a lot. This is a sorry situation, frankly I've no idea how I would have dealt with it. I do know a couple of people who have been in your position and they came through it in the end but in your case, the years of covering it all up must be hard to take.

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 22:17

Dont know whether strong enough

OP posts:

kcw1986 · 23/02/2020 22:11

Ohhhh u thinking of leaving him then

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 22:02

Well took him back but not at all happy regrets x

OP posts:

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Jesskir89 · 23/02/2020 21:46

Op what happened with your marriage?

Cocodog1234567 · 23/02/2020 21:37

Just read your post over and over it really resonates, me too when young

OP posts:

HoppingForward · 29/02/2016 22:08

Your head must be a mess right now, what have you said to him? Or he said to you for that matter.

It's such a big thing to take in and his lies to you must have your head spinning right now.

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